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Whoa.

Been 'bout a week.

I've accomplished nothing except anime.

Finished GetBackers, started Mobile Suit Gundam. The ORIGINAL Gundam. And it's surprisingly badass. For example, in the episode I just watched, some bitch was steppin' up, so this big dude pops out of nowhere and fucking backhands her.

I was like "WTF?!"....Then I went back and watched it again...And again...And again...And again...And again...And like three more times. Then I showed my brother. He didn't care. But I thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Yeah.

Also, we from the chat (http://www.voober.com), have taken a liking to finding cam-girls on-line. We locate their free cams with chat, then as a group we swoop in and say terrible things. Or funny things. Or funny AND hilarious things. The guy that runs the site kept getting banned for being a perv, and the rest of us kept saying pointless shit and telling bitches to do barrel rolls.

I must have heard "What the hell's a barrel roll?!" like eight times in the last two days.

...If you don't know much of 4chan, you probably don't get it either.

Also if you don't know much of 4chan, you're much more likely to be a normal, well-adjusted person. You won't know of PedoBear, barrel rolls, and many other things that the internet loves...

Yes.

Anyways, do a barrel roll.

So tomorrow's Halloween, and I have failed in acquiring a costume due to lack of funds. Do not be mistaken, it is NOT due to a lack of awesome.

Also I'm going back home this weekend. Badass. I'm gonna molest Rick so much. So very much.

Oh, and I've become addicted to Youtube.

CHACHACHA.

Hell yeah. The Mask was fuckin' awesome. And that was the best scene. Click that.

IT'S VERY NICE...

So full of spice!

God I'm lonely.

Also, Hitler.

...I know, wtf.

Umm...

Yeah, I don't really have anything of substance to say, so I'm trying to balance that out with nonsense.

I've just been overwhelmed with random links in the past few weeks. I've found so much pointless shit it's ridiculous. And if it is linked, I will click it. I'd link you bitches to 1227.com, but it's the worst thing ever.

Bitchstina once linked me to it.

I cried.

Well, not literally.

Metaphorically? Sure.

So I've decided that if I had a Gundam, I would just go around and knock stuff over, then teabag it. I mean, what else would someone do with a giant robot? Fight other giant robots? Defend mankind from aliens? Disco dance in outer space? Well...I'd do that last one after teabagging some stuff.

But seriously. Teabagging is awesome.

And giant robot teabagging? FUCKING EPIC.

Oh, speaking of fucking epic, The Balls Are Inert.

Laaaawl.

Okay, last link, I promise...

It doesn't make a bit of difference, guys...The balls are inert...

But it's---

FUCKING GOHAN. THE FUCKING BALLS ARE FUCKING INERT. FUCK GOHAN. FUCK.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Anyways...

I've gotten REALLY GOOD at Advance Wars. Like...Good on an epic scale. I've played through all 26 campaign levels, with 23 S ranks and 3 A ranks, and I've been through somewhere between 20-30 Trial Levels, and I've got one A rank and the rest are S. I just go around pwning face and raping women, children, and small animals.

Wait...What was that last thing? Oh well. It's gone now. No sense going back and rereading that...

Also I'll be back to WoW this weekend. Yay! Gonna collect some debts and rape some women, children, and small animals.

...Wait...What? Seriously, that's fucked up.

I'm probably going to throw a party for myself. By there, or...Don't drink the alcohol I will purchase in game. I'll also probably be drunk irl. Who knows?!

So Rick bought Fable 2. That's pretty exciting. I'm gonna play that bitch. Also he bought Tales of Vesperia for me for my birthday last month, so I'ma play that bitch too.

Also I need to pick up Fallout 3. 'cause fuck man, it's Fallout 3. I wanna fuckin' play that shit. Fuck man.

Anyways, I'm gonna go...Well, let's be honest. Find and rape women, children, and small animals. I mean, it's the night before Halloween. That's what we're supposed to do tonight, yeah? If not, then my sources have SERIOUSLY misled me. I'm lookin' at you, 4chan...

Wait, what? I don't go there...

Kataron out now.

Until next time,
...DO A MOTHERFUCKING BARREL ROLL OR GET THE FUCK OFF MY FUCKING BLOG. FUCK.
~Kataron

Fuck Status Update

Oh, and to those of you that may have been curious as to the number of fucks on this blog.

Since there have been two so far in this post, and three more here: Fuck fuck fuck.

The number of times I've said that particular word on this blog is now 3760.

Only one thousand two hundred and forty away from a party.

Just in case you were wondering.

PEW PEW.

Yeah.

I'm awesome.

So why don't more things have cannons attached to them?

Back in the days of ships and sailors, fuckin' EVERYTHING had a goddamn cannon. Because there were pirates and shit.

When did that stop?

'cause that shit was fuckin' awesome.

Can you imagine if it hadn't stopped? I mean, we'd have cars with cannons on 'em. Like tanks, but COMPLETELY VULNERABLE.

*pictures it in his head*

Awesoooooome.

I wonder what would happen if there was a zombie in space. I mean, it doesn't need air. Would it survive? I mean, it's dead, but you know what I mean. I guess it would freeze, huh? And probably burn up if it attempted to enter the Earth's atmosphere...Shit, that's depressing.

Oh well.

I'm so psyched to be getting back to Kitchener soon.

I'm trying to find a saddle that I can fit on Rick's back so I can RIDE HIM AROUND THE HOUSE. But don't tell him. It's gonna be a surprise.

So I think whenever I get a new cell phone, I'm going to start using it to take pictures more, pictures of me doing weird things to post on this blog. Mostly teabagging things. We'll see what else.

I need a new MP3 player or something too, so I can wander around Kitchener while still managing to ignore everything around me.

So I finally managed to beat Advance Wars DS 2. I bought that game last fuckin' March. I got stuck on one level, so I just stopped playing, but then I picked it up again and realized that I'm fuckin' awesome, so I pwned that fucking plane-using faggot. Goddamn fucking bastard with his goddamn planes. Fucked him right up. Then beat the last third of the game. Awesome.

Which made me want to start work on my Advance Wars style game again. And it reaffirmed the decision I made years ago that I want to make video games. So woo for that. I've got a bunch of pages of random writing about it now about the different aspects of the game...It's gonna be awesome.

I wish I had some goddamn notebooks here though. I want to write stories again, but I don't have the attention span for it. I mean, I could write stuff on here, but if I'm on the laptop, I'd much rather be watching anime.

Let's go over the list of series I've watched lately, to show my patheticness:

Elfen Lied
Claymore
Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni
Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni Kai (yeah, second season.)
Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn (104 episodes and counting
Rurouni Kenshin (95 episodes)
Darker Than Black
Night Wizard
Lucky Star
Gungrave
Code Geass
Demonbane
Karas
Peacemaker Kurogane

Aaaaand right now I'm 38 episodes into something called Eureka Seven.

EXCEPT.

I started this post yesterday so now I'm DONE Eureka Seven. Which had fifty episodes total. Now I've started one called GetBackers.

pew pew

PEW PEW!

Yeah...

So now it's Friday night, we had youth group tonight.

We watched the new Indiana Jones movie. Which sucked, btw. I hated the beginning, the end, and large chunks of the middle.

I mean, the writing was overdone, obviously trying to match the banter from the original three classic movies, which were out like twenty years ago. Some lines were clever, some were just...Too much. Couldn't buy them.

And aliens? wtf. The plot was so contrived, it got dumb...It got dumb as soon as it opened at fuckin' Area 51. Fuck that shit, man. Fuckin' Indiana Jones, not fuckin'...Insert random sci fi shit here. God damn George Lucas puttin' aliens where they don't belong. Seriously, fuck that.

The only parts I liked were in the middle when they were in the jungle. And even then, a lot of this shit was just fucking stupid. Hey, the fire ants are gonna PILE ON EACH OTHER TO REACH YOU hanging slightly above the ground! 'cause they're smart enough to do that! Yeah! Fuck that. What the fuck. So many things that they accomplished in the movie aren't even remotely possible...I mean, yeah, it looks kinda cool, but keep that shit to a minimum, otherwise it just gets dumb.

Yeah.

So ANYWAYS, after the movie, we went to Guelph and got some energy drinks.

Two orange Jolts, a Five Hour Energy, some sort of caffeine pills, some advil (HAD A HEADACHE.) and something called a...Hardcore Energized Bullet. WEIRD! The Bullet thing advises not to drink with anything else.

I'm jacked up enough right now that I'm pretty sure it'd kill me, so I'm just going to keep drinking Coke and probably have another of these pills before I slumber.

So yeah. I'm JACKED UP RIGHT NOW.

So apparently there's some group in the newest Gundam Series (Gundam 00, I believe) that calls themselves "Kataron". What the fuck, right? I mean, obviously I had it first. I've been using this damn handle for nigh on eight years.

EIGHTS YEARS I've been calling myself this. Because it's awesome.

And half that time I've been blogging. 'cause I'm...awesome?

Which reminds me, I still need to deface more great works of history.

*needs a topic to rant about*

Oh, SWEET! They're gonna make a movie based off of Army of Two. That game was fuckin' badass. I still remember playing through it that one night at Dave's, kicking terrorist ass, sinking an aircraft carrier, and generally being badass.

And now they're making a movie out of it. It may suck balls, as most video game movies do, but shit, how can you take an awesome action game and butcher ITS plot? I mean, the plot is mostly terrorists, bang bang guns explosions, betrayal, bang bang BOOM explosions witty banter final climactic battle.

You can't fuck it up.

You know what I hate?

People that make enormous deals about everything. And be dramatic. I mean, being dramatic can be okay sometimes. Hell, it can be awesome if done right.

But I hate it when girls make big deals about absolutely every little problem they had. The ones that are always cryin' about something. I hate it when girls cry. Hate it.

I remember when I was in high school, I was in my physics class, and the girl beside me didn't know the answer to a question on a test, so she started fucking crying. What the fuck.

People take shit too goddamn seriously. Chill the fuck out.

I only take things too seriously if I'm already in a bad mood or if the caffeine is runnin' out. BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN NOW. I'm pratically jumping around the goddamn room.

But yeah.

So I'm trying to build a harem of concubines for when I inevitably conquer the world. So far, I've convinced a thirteen year old girl I met on the chat thing (She'll be legal by the time my world domination plans come to fruition), Caitlin, and Dave. Why's Dave in the harem? I...erm..Don't know? It just sort of happened, okay. CUT ME SOME GODDAMN SLACK.

Not gay.

But I'm gonna go back to anime now, since this post is long enough.

I'M ALSO GONNA GO FIND SOME FOOD. I'M GETTIN' HUNGRY.

Wheeeeeeeee.

Until next time,
A jar of honey and a condom.
~Kataron

Autopsy

Kataron!

Yeah, it's been a while since I've posted, not much to talk about.

Been doin' stuff. It appears my last post was before Thanksgiving. Yeah. On that Sunday, I hung out with Rebecca and Caitlin, we watched Kinky Boots and The Producers. I love The Producers, as I'm secretly in love with both Nathan Lane and Mathew Broderick, and I refuse to see if I've spelled their names correctly. Kinky Boots was...Weird. It had the black guy from Serenity. You know, The Operative. I kept expecting him to pull out a sword and start paralyzing people and killing them. But instead he just wore women's clothing. It was awkward.

But the movies were good, and it was fun to hang out. I saw Rebecca a few days later to watch Chicago and I've only seen her briefly since, at youth group.

Which we played Risk at. I love Risk.

But my problem with Risk is that I take it very seriously. I do that with a lot of games. I take them seriously. I figure I could do that, or just fuck around. And if I do that, it basically involves me trying in vain to get through the enemy while losing all of my own troops and killing myself off. Which incidentally is what Tony did at the beginning of the game. He had all his guys in South America. Andrew had Africa, Eric had Europe, and Dave had Australia and chunks of Asia. Dave also threw some units in South America. So Dave, myself, and Andrew took out Tony by the middle of the second turn. He got real dead real fast. Then I controlled South America and Africa, collecting my five man bonus, Andrew took North America, and Eric kept Europe and Dave started to expand out into Asia.

Since I started playing Risk with the guys, I've had a long-standing alliance with Andrew. And he's been the best ally. Pretty mcuh everyone else has betrayed me at one point or another, but not Andrew. He's reliable.

Anyways, I ended up with a ceasefire along the African/European borders, so Eric and I were neutral there for a while until he broke through. Andrew I was always allies with, until the last turn when I got his permission to attack him. Dave and I had a rough alliance as well, and with my ceasefire with Eric, it mostly ended up with me building up my borders getting ready to attack.

Which is why my Advance Wars style game is going to be awesome...With ceasefires like that, you'll have other things you can build up aside from military strength, so it won't get irritating.

Aside from that, I don't think I've actually accomplished anything lately. Just...Watching anime.

I somehow managed to get myself banned from the chat thing, though. Meaning that I can listen to everything they say, but nothing I respond with gets through. Which is irritating as hell.

Not even sure what I did to get banned, but blah.

So I should be getting my new laptop soon. That excites me very much. When I get that, it's back into Azeroth, just in time to build up a bit before Wrath of the Lich King comes out.

And I'm going back to Kitchener soon. I'm happy about that. I miss Rick and my normal bed. And then I won't be running back and forth so much, huzzah!

But now I'm going to go try to mount a machine gun turret on the back of a turtle.

Until next time,
I assume it will be exactly like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, except instead of swords, a machine gun. And no mutation. And probably a lot more casualties. And I doubt the turtle will survive. And no ninjas at all, really. Yeah...
~Kataron

Cataclysm

Hey folks.

Kataron here.

Now, this post won't be nearly as epic as the last one. But then, that one will be hard to top.

Umm...What the fuck did I want to talk about...

So the other day, I was sitting there in the morning before work, watching Disasters of the Century. And there was a plane crash. And a woman managed to hold onto her baby throughout the entirety of the crash. And ended up strapped to her chair upside-down. Eric commented on how he was impressed that the woman managed to hold on.

I said "Yeah, I would have just tossed the baby straight up in the air at the first sign of a plane crash."

Then my dad and Eric started to stare at me.

"...You know, 'cause I could get away with it."

Continued to stare.

I stand firm in my baby-tossing philosophies. If you can get away with it and not get blamed, then throw the whiny little fucker.

"WHAT?! I WAS IN A FUCKIN' PLANE CRASH?! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HOLD ONTO A FUCKIN' BABY, HUH!?".

THE PERFECT EXCUSE.

Mind you, there are not many instances in which one is holding a baby during a plane crash.

So you have to manufacture your own excuses. Car crashes are more common than plane crashes. But also there's less room for a baby to be tossed.

Now, if a car hits YOU, and you're lucky enough to have a baby in your grasp, toss that little bastard as high as you can! Bonus points based on the distance of the splatter.

Yes, I'm a terrible person. Get over it.

So I went to the movies last night, 'cause there was some dude in our drop-in building baking pies. PIES! So because one man was baking pies, we had to go do something else.

We ended up going to the movies, which may not have been the best of ideas, as Andrew disapproves of...Well, most things.

Our choices were: Burn After Reading, Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist, Quarantine, or Eagle Eye. We would have seen Burn After Reading, as it has Brad Pitt. And whenever Brad Pitt was mentioned, Dave would start to repeat it and hop around. But we'd missed the start by half an hour.

So our choices were effectively lessened to Quarantine and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Quarantine was getting kinda crappy reviews (6/10), and apparently had a Cloverfield-esque camera style, which I disliked. So we agreed on the other one.

It was actually good. Like, really good. I was quite impressed.

Andrew was not. Because there were things that he disapproved of in the movie. But there are things he disapproves of in most movies.

Then we got Wendy's. I enjoy food.

Then I came back and watched anime all night, because I'm cool.

I considered doing a blog post last night, but I got distracted by a new anime called...Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni. And yes, I had to alt-tab to that window to know what that was called.

It's got plenty of murder.

Umm...I guess I should rant about something?

So last week there were a bunch of anti-abortionists protesting in Rockwood. Don't know why the fuck they picked Rockwood to protest in. I don't think they were well-received.

I, having no uterus, couldn't care less about such things. Not my problem, not my business, fuck it.

I mean, I hate protesters by nature, because all protesters in my eyes are hippies. And hippies are my sworn enemies. I will hunt them and fight them whenever I can, because they irritate me, with their slurred speech, their hairy bodies, and their picket signs.

But what pissed me off about this merry group of assholes was that they had their children with them, protesting things they have no comprehension of. And I'm talking LITTLE kids here. They shouldn't have children like that out there. I mean, if they're older and they WANT to be out there, then whatever, but I'm talking kids here that haven't had the birds and the bees speech.

Yeah.

Well, anyways, I've got to figure out what I'm doing today. I think James wants me to drink with him, but I believe at some point I'm hanging out with Rebecca and Caitlin, as Caitlin is home for Thanksgiving weekend, and I haven't seen her since like...Fairy Fest. Which was months ago.

Yeah.

So I'm going to find food and be off now.

Until next time,
I'm awesome.
~Kataron

I Have A Penis

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for my own junk in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great Wang, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Ejaculation Proclamation. This orgasmic decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of trouser snakes who had been seared in the flames of withering impotence. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, my penis still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of my penis is still sadly crippled by the manacles of my pants and the chains of indecent exposure. One hundred years later, my dick lives on a lonely island of my right hand in the midst of a vast ocean of vaginas. One hundred years later, my wang is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in my own hand. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition. *unzips pants*

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to get a hooker. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every penis was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all wangs, yes, black wangs as well as white wangs, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Ejaculation." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of my pants are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given my dick people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds, bitch."

But we refuse to believe that the brothel of justice is without whores. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of sluts of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the bitches of freedom and the blowjob of justice.

We have also come to this swallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of My Boner. This is no time to engage in the luxury of jerking off or to take the tranquilizing drug of viagra. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of flaccid wangs to the sunlit path of hard-ons. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of smaller penis to the solid rock-hard cock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make my raging erection a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of my boner. This sweltering summer of my dick's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of hookers and nachos. Eight inches is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that my dick needed to get blown and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor peace in America until my junk is granted his ejaculatory rights. The whirlwinds of my balls will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of ejaculation emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my dick, which stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice (read: vagina): In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds, save for masturbation. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for orgasms by drinking from the cup of STD-ridden hoes. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence, except against our own dicks, beating them like they owe us money. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of my penis' soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed my penis must not lead us to a distrust of all pther penises, for many of our cock-brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their dick's destinies is tied up with my dick's destiny. And they have come to realize that their boners are inextricably bound to my boner.

We cannot jerk alone. Well, we can, but it'd be better if someone else did it for us.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead, with our dicks ever-before us.

We cannot turn back on our boners.

There are those who are asking the devotees of boners, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the our dicks are the victims of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality, in that attractive female police officers are not performing fellatio on us! We can never be satisfied as long as our dicks, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the vaginas of the whores and the mouths of the sluts-that-aren't-willing-to-go-all-the-way. We cannot be satisfied as long as the my dick's basic mobility is from a smaller hand to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as my dick is stripped of its self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "No Erect Penises." We cannot be satisfied as long as a hard-on in my pants cannot come and a boner in the pants of the people believes he has nothing from which to come. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "our come rolls down like waters, and our semen like a mighty stream."

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and ejaculations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells, with no conjugal visits. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for whores left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of pimp brutality. You have been the veterans of creative masturbation. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to the bathroom, go back to your bedroom, go back to your living room late at night, go back to the kitchen in the middle of the day when nobody's there, go back to your roommate's bedroom, go back to the darkened alleys of our northern cities, and beat it like there's no tomorrow.

Let us not swallow in the valley of queerness, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a penis. It is a penis deeply rooted in the American vagina.

I have a penis that one day will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these dicks to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. Except me, I'm big."

I have a penis that one day will be larger than the red hills of Georgia.

I have a penis that one day be bigger than even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of unbeaten boners, sweltering with the heat of blue balls, will be transformed into an oasis of gettin' it on.

I have a penis that will one day live in a nation where it will not be measured by size or shape, but what I do with it. Although it lacks in neither size or shape.

I have a penis today!

I have a penis that one day, down my pants, with its giant trouser snakes (yes, multiple.), with its governor having her lips dripping with the words of "oral" and "pearl necklace" -- one day right there in my pants, hookers will be able to join hands with somewhat more attractive and expensive hookers as sisters and brothers.

I have a penis today!

I have a penis that one day within every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made into brothels, the rough places will be made sexier, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of my Wang shall be revealed and all flesh shall feel it together."

This is our hope, and this is the wang that I go back to the South with. And by South, I mean your southern regions of your body.

With this dick, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this cock, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of...Well, you know. With this wang, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together (for sex, obviously), to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day. Yes, free hookers.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My penis 'tis of thee, sweet wang of liberty, of thee I sing.

Junk where my hookers died, cock of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let my penis ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let my penis ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let my penis ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let my penis ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let my penis ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let my penis ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

Keeping in mind that these are all of course references to breasts.

But not only that:

Let my penis ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let my penis ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let my penis ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let my penis ring.

Also breasts. The hills one refers to women with smaller breasts. They need love too.

And when this happens, when we allow my penis to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's wangs, black wangs and white wangs, Jew wangs and Gentile wangs, Protestant wangs and Catholic wangs, will be able to join hands (after washing, hopefully) and sing in the words of the old Kataron spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank My Weiner, we are free at last!




.......

In case you didn't pick up on that, this was Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech, rewritten to be about my penis.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS COMING. YOU WERE GIVEN DAYS OF WARNING. DAYS! AND BY THE GODS, I KEPT MY WORD.

You may now proceed to bask in my awesomeness. For truly I am the best of us.

And yes, I'm aware of how much of a terrible person I am.

But damn you, this took like two hours to do, so you'd damn well better at least laugh at it.

But that's all I can do today. Coming soon, more great oratory works of history, perverted by Kataron!

Awesome.

Until next time,
Fuck the radiation, I'm going NAKED.
~Kataron

I reckon

Hey fellas.

I say that because I presume it's pretty much entirely males that read this, save for Rebecca.

Which is why I feel safe with the following rant.

I fucking hate tampon commercials.

And you can tell they're made by women, for women.

"Have a happy period"?

WHAT THE FUCK?

What kind of fucking retarded statement is that? God fucking dammit, it's so fucking stupid.

You know what kind of phrase men would use in such a commercial?

"If you're using one of these, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME".

Yeah.

That's my goddamn tampon commercial.

Fucking stupid pieces of shit commercials. Hate them so damn much.

*grumbles*

So apparently in Advance Wars DS 2, you can set all the players to CPU on a multiplayer match. I had a four-man going for two friggin' hours tonight. Awesome. I wasn't even paying attention. I'd check in whenever I would get bored, and see how the battle had changed.

My initial bet was on black, since I like the CO, but about forty minutes into the match, Blue began to dominate the upper half of the map. It had its own base, and within an hour had conquered the red base on the top left of the map. That left yellow and black to do battle at the bottom, and though black was winning there, it was no match the the might of blue, sweeping in from the top and attacking.

Mind you, the computers aren't smart. I would have done things a lot differently. Blue went straight for the battle in the central lower part of the map. I would have attacked the bases right off and stopped them from being able to spawn guys by placing my own units on their factories.

Youth group got fucked tonight 'cause the guy that was supposed to let us into the church didn't show, and our building was being used for some...voting thing.

So we went to Williams, geeked it up a bit, then went to Wendy's, where I found Andy working. I hadn't seen that fucker in a long goddamn time. And then he told me that Justin and Behrang were showing up in twenty minutes to pick him up! Triple the awesome!

So we hung around there for a bit, and then the guys showed up, and we ate and hung out, and discussed various nerdy topics, and also premature ejaculation. 'cause Mike's a bit early.

Then we came back here, and that brings us to now.

Stay tuned for this weekend, when I deface and pervert the "I have a dream" speech, to make it sexual and naughty. Because I have too much time on my hands, and I find such things funny.

I was going to do it last night, but I got distracted.

It was Eric's idea, btw. I'm just going along with it. Because it's funny.

And now I'm going to watch anime and chat with strangers.

Until next time,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
~Kataron