Well, folks, some of you are probably wondering about that last post.
Except...Probably not. I think most of the people that read this, I've spoken to directly about it already.
But here's a blog post anyway.
Okay, so in case somehow I just haven't told you what's going on, yes, it is of course, girl troubles. Namely Amy.
For the past seven and a half months, I've been talking to Amy almost every day. A lot. I fell for her pretty quickly, and she for me. We began somewhat of an on-line relationship, that I hoped would lead to something more. We met a couple of times in person, and we were talking on the phone, but she was always afraid of bringing me up to her parents, so I could never actually date her.
It seemed to have been going really well, until a few days ago. That's when she told me that she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore, and that she liked another guy.
Needless to say, this stung pretty hard. It was surprising, unpleasant, and for the past few days, I've been a wreck. I've eaten two things since it happened, not counting unhealthy junk food. Well, I guess a thing from Dairy Queen would probably fall under that category, so I guess it's just one thing. The steak Dave cooked me when I crashed at his place the other night.
So yeah. Obviously things haven't been going so great.
Whenever there's another guy involved, it's just upsetting. I mean, especially to me. I'm like...a cheat-magnet. Girls cheat on me. It's just what they friggin' do. Girls I date, and even girls I come very close to dating. I trust you all remember the Alyssa and Kristina incidents...
So I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what to do. I still like Amy. I want to be friends with her. But at the present time, trying to be friends is impossible. She's got this other guy, and I've got....Well, nothing, really. It's unbalanced, and it hurts, and she's fine, which makes it worse because I'm the only one hurting.
But I've been through this more than once. Relationships can go wrong before they even really have a chance to get off the ground. I know how it goes.
Luckily I have some good friends that I'm able to talk to about this. I've got a lot of friends that COULD have helped me through this, but I have to give kudos to the ones that were around to help me right when I needed them this time.
Rick and Eric helped me tonight by letting me talk to them about it and get some stuff sorted out, and in doing so helped me come to a decision about Amy.
Dave helped me last night by letting me crash at his place. First he distracted me with video games (Army of Two? AWESOME.), and then we started to watch a movie, but quickly got distracted and ended up staying up another three, four hours, just talking about stuff. I was able to get pretty much everything I had to off my chest, and it helped me put everything in perspective.
Rebecca also helped, let me come over and talk with her about everything when it was all fresh in my mind, and she was great at listening. She was even the one that called me up yesterday and said that she was going to Dave's, that she could give me a ride, and she'd already talked him into letting me crash there to help me feel better.
And Josh. Josh was there the other night when I was feeling lousy. And I rarely even talk to Josh! He helped me remember that the future is out there, and even if I'm feeling lousy now, I will most assuredly meet a girl at some point.
Also Scott. He definitely helped talk me through some stuff, and he made me feel a lot better, even if just for a while before the entire situation crashed down on me again.
And Seth. Seth was one of the first people I told. Who else is on at four, five in the morning? His advice helped, and I used a variation of what he suggested I do in the end.
So I'd just like to say thanks, guys. It means a lot to me that you're out there for me when I need you. And thanks to everybody that's helped me get over my PREVIOUS lady issues. My goodness there's been a lot.
I think the running total of girls is now seven. Four I've dated, three I've almost dated. Pretty much all ending poorly...Just my luck.
I'd also like to thank everyone else out there that was just there to listen to me when I needed to talk a little. I don't know HOW many people I had to explain the situation to on MSN. Or on Facebook chat. Or in person. In person? Most awkward. I had to tell my parents. Ugh. Not something I like to do.
When I'm back in Kitchener, they won't need to know about relationship stuff. If there is any relationship stuff when I get back to Kitchener. *rolls eyes*
But yeah. Thanks, guys. I'm going to be okay.
Oh, and I made a decision at some point in the past twenty-four hours concerning Amy. The past month or so hadn't really been that great. There was some lying, some leading on, and some other general unpleasantness. In the end, after I was able to get everything off my chest and look at it as a whole, I realized that it wasn't really fair to me to sit here and try to be friends with her while she's already interested in some other guy. Not because she wasn't interested in -me-, but just because she was moving on so fast, it seemed...remorseless. And that's not even a pun, what with Morse being my last name and all.
Anywho.
After deciding that she'd been kind of mean over the past month, and was continuing to be just by pursuing this guy while part of me wanted to still pursue her, I realized that I just can't be friends with her right now. Especially when she doesn't really understand how she made me feel and what she did wrong with me.
Now don't get me wrong, I still like her. I still want to be friends with her at some point, which is more than I can say for pretty much every other girl I've had in a similar situation, but right now it just wasn't working. She needs to understand what she did wrong, and I need to deal with some of my own issues regarding this. Neither of us can effectively do that while still trying to maintain a rather...false friendship. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and the other guy always seemed to be an issue.
So we put everything on hold. I had a lot of suggestions about what to do, and a lot of people basically said that she wasn't worth it, that I should just move on and leave well enough alone, not to bother hurting myself further by trying to be friends with her. And I realized that they were kind of right. It hurt too much to be her friend. Everything's still fresh, everything still hurts, and it's not really cool.
So we're taking some time apart to deal with our individual issues. I've deleted her from both my MSN and my Facebook, so as not to be given a constant reminder of what I'm missing. Yeah, she'll still be on my mind. For a while. But each passing day will get a little better, a little easier, and I'll be able to move on without her. Then when she thinks she's ready to give this a try again, we can go about the business of just trying to be friends.
I don't know how long it's going to take, but I'd rather take this break and avoid risking the friendship completely. If things continued the way that they were, the friendship would have surely died. I was upset about the guy, upset that she didn't seem to care, and she was upset that I would always bring up the guy, or make such a big deal about everything. To her, the relationship (that never technically got its start) was over for a while, but to me everything was still fresh. Trying to be friends when the two people feel like that is just asking for disaster.
This way, at some point down the road, we'll hopefully be able to be friends. And that is what I want.
Also I want a shotgun. And I want to grow a beard. A break-up beard, if you will. Because I love How I Met Your Mother.
Yeah. I think this is pretty much everything.
Thanks again to everybody for helping me through this. It's been a rough couple days, but it's getting better.
Oh, and in case you're wondering about the title of the post? Apparently one of the guys in my WoW guild is rather infamous for saying that to his girlfriend while on the guild's audio channel thing. So a bunch of people were listening. Also I think they had sex while doing that. Awkward! Yet...so consensual.
Until next time,
Get your heart broken? I know what'll make you feel better. GUNS! SHOOTING PEOPLE! KILLING TERRORISTS! FUCK YEAH! SHOOT SOME FUCKIN' n00bs! Fuck 'em! ....Seriously though, Army of Two was awesome. Dave and I kicked some co-operative ass, and it was surprisingly successful in distracting me. From now on, whenever I break up with somebody, I'm going to buy a new video game and beat it.
~Kataron
