Requiem

I like...No, I love winning!

Just thought you should know.

That's one of the end-battle phrases for Hugh, one of the characters in Growlanser: Dual Darkness. I'm so obsessed with it right now...I haven't reached any majorly difficult levels, and the arena system is so much better than in the last game. I spent about an hour and a half this afternoon just ownz0ring guys in there. Was doing some one on one battles, and found out that once I get to a certain rank in that, I can unlock two on two battles and four on four battles :) Totally awesome. I got to rank A in one on one, and rank AA in two on two. Best I can tell, A is third best, AA second best, and AAA best. So I'm assuming...Anywho, I was using my main character, Slayn, to cut down everything in my path. Not an easy task. On the one on one battles, it makes you think that it's easy, that you're just fighting one enemy. You're not. THREE enemies. One enemy per round. Three rounds. Not easy when it starts off as an archer or spellcaster, as you start out on opposite sides of the arena. They can get 2-3 good hits in before you can even reach them to attack. Of course, one can cast spells from the other side, but they take a while to cast, and just plain aren't as powerful as melee attacks. The AA match was soooo hard...I came so close to dying. The three enemies were boss-types, so I couldn't even tell how much health they had. They were ALL stronger than me, and the last one was the commander of the Aggressival army himself! That's an enemy nation, lots of military strength. This was their leader. I ended the match with 23/350 health. And that's only because I blocked two of his hits...Damn, that guy was tough! The next round, though, I was knocked out in the first fight. Pitted against an assassin that tried to kill me earlier in the game...And came very close too succeeding. The guy, Randolf, finished me in one hit. Because his hit turned me to stone. Instant death unless I've got someone there to cure the status. BAH! BAH I SAY! I'm just gonna get stronger and come back...That fucker's gonna pay. But...If he's the first round...Who's the second and third? *is scared*

Yeah. Oh, I should probably tell you people what happened over the weekend. So, I went over to Rick's to hang out, and we decided that, since his mom and her boyfriend were going out for the night, I was gonna spend the night and play video games with him. They were going to some baby shower or something, so yeah. I got there around...Seven-thirty. Well, back from dinner around then. Hung out for a bit, then swung down to the Johnston's to get Eric's copy of Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords. Rick and I were gonna take turns on the computer, and I was gonna play KotOR 2 while he was having his turn. Then I started playing. Eleven hours later...heheh. Yeah, I played for eleven straight hours. Yes, I know that goes until the morning. I was playing until 7-7:30 in the morning or something, maybe a little longer. It was starting to get weird, the text warping on the screen. Rick had gone to sleep a few hours earlier, so I was the only one awake in the house. I decided that the Xbox had been on long enough, and needed a rest, so I moved over to the computer instead, and played a couple of hours of World of Warcraft. Got my Night Elf Druid up two levels, and started on a quest to get my Seal form, which is my water travel form. There are three forms for the druid. Bear, which I have, which is a tank form. Lots of health, good defense. Seal, for underwater use. And cat, for stealth and speed. The quests are FUCKING HARD, though. I have to go to Westfall to get half of an amulet for the seal quest. WESTFALL. For those of you that don't know, which is all of you except Rick and maybe Eric, if he reads this, Westfall is on the human continent. The OTHER continent. I have to go to a different continent to do this quest, and I don't even have fully accurate knowledge on where the thing is. Blargh! But yeah, after a couple hours of that, I started playing Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle-Earth. Fun game. But I was really out of it by then...Hadn't slept in almost twenty-four hours at that point. Combine that with the fact that I hadn't been sleeping much the nights before, and that I was feeling somewhat sick to my stomach, and therefore unable to consume caffeine, and...yeah. I was pretty fucked up. After a while, Eric came over, and we started watching Rick play some game...I forget what it's called. It's a big-ass war game, tons of people from tons of places fighting in a giant FPS (first-person shooter) game. Pretty awesome. I almost fell asleep a few times while watching that, which is odd, because it's a loud game. It -is- a war, after all. Explosions and the like. But I almost fell asleep a bunch of times. I might have at one point, but only for a few minutes. I was checking my watch a lot. After that, I decided that I'd go home, and sleep. I got home around...two in the afternoon, and kicked my brother out of my room so I could sleep. Told my dad to wake me up in about two hours. Five hours later...My mom woke me up, saying that if I just kept sleeping, I wouldn't sleep well that night. So I tried playing Growlanser a bit, but was too tired. Ate some dinner. Watched Enterprise. God, I love Star Trek. Then I went back to sleep.

I don't usually nap, though. And by usually, I mean ever. This was the first nap I've had in...God, -years-. And the last time I had one, it was because I was sick. I hate naps...Waste of time. But so is falling asleep at somebody else's house. *AHEM*ERIC*AHEM*. For those of you that are neither Eric nor Jared, Eric stopped off at my house one of the last time my parents were away for the weekend. Jared and I had it all dark 'n stuff, and were watching a Johnny Depp movie. Sixth Seal or something...Occultish like that. It was AWESOME. But anyways, he'd just come from Rick's, where he'd been up all night, much like I had been over there this weekend. He decided he'd watch the movie with us, and fell asleep after a brief period.

Man...I can't wait 'til my parents go away again. Jared told me a week or so ago that he really wanted to have pizza again, and was thinking about how we always order it when my 'rents are away. He -always- spends the night when they're gone. I've said this many times before, but the best talks we have are LATE at night. They're awesome...So profound. And stuff. Okay, so I don't know exactly what profound means, but still. Best talks ever. Of course, I usually bring up all sorts of sexual topics, but that's just me. I have problems with that. Besides, that's guy talk. It's what we talk about. 'cause we're guys. Also, we tend to talk about what's pissing us off. This is always a LARGE topic for us, as so many things piss the both of us off. Mostly the same things, too. If something pisses me off, it usually pisses him off, and vice versa. Plus, we always have to discuss love-lives. Yes, I HAVE had a love life in the past. Just...Lost it. Well...Had it taken away, I suppose would be more accurate. But I won't go into that...Although I have been thinking about it a lot recently. Foolishly almost wanting to -talk- to her again...After what she did to me...Guess I'm just a sucker for punishment...But I'm not stupid. No way in hell I'm going back there...And no, I'm not talking about Vero. I'm talking about...Eva...Yeah. I've wanted to talk to her lately, wondered how she was doing...I guess I just miss having somebody there for me. Vero covered that for a while, but now...Back to nothin'. But I don't want to go back to her...I...I always thought, when we were together, that she understood me. That she really did love me...Then it happened. I was so stupid, so ignorant. So blind. That's enough about this...The past is the past, and I'd prefer if it stayed there...But the memories keep coming back unbidden. I want to forget, but I can't. Why can't I just...forget? Forget the pain...But then again, I suppose it would be safer for me to remember. Remember the betrayal, and not fall into that again. Never again.

Moving on...More Cake-Fest today. Quite awesome. Went to school without exams. Hung out with Rick, Eric, Dave, and Jared in the morning. Went to 7/11, got a 1.8 L coke. That's how I start off the day, dammit. When I can...But yeah. Then there was cake and such. Two of them. And pizza-wiches. Good stuff. And coke. A bunch of coke. Dave, Rick, and Jared had exams in the afternoon, so Eric and I hung out for a while. Talked a bit, listened to music. I read my book for a while. It was fun.

I haven't talked about the book much, have I? I don't think I have, anyway...Well, I did...I went rather detailed, but the post I remember doing that on got deleted, THANKS A FUCKING LOT, WINDOWS. It's a book about revenge. The ultimate revenge. A man loses his wife and children from a car bomb explosion. Because the IRA was pissed about a bank taking over a building. A fucking bank. So what do they do? Car bomb on a crowded street. Bastards. His wife and children were right in front of the car when it happened...He was watching from a nearby window. Boom...Killed them, was strong enough to blast the window. He got cut, then ran out to see what happened. But it was too late...Far too late...Then we went crazy. Developed a form of Schizophrenia. It's as if he's another person inhabiting that body. He has access to all of his memories, but has no feelings. He has no emotions about his dead wife and children. Only the understanding that he needs to make somebody pay. And who's somebody? Ireland, England, and Libya. But that's not all. He's a Molecular BioGenetist, or something fancy like that. He designs a plague like no other...The White Plague. Called so for the white spots the victims develop before death. And the plague only targets women. I believe that he's doing it to make the bastards that did that to his family know the torture of having their loved ones die, while you are helpess to do anything about it. He's released the plague...But it's spread too far. It's infected places in America, Russia, France, Ireland, England, Africa. The Swiss have cut themselves off from the world to keep themselves safe, as well as some other areas. So far, it has had a 100% fatality rate. And I'm only 1/5 of the way into the book. Frank Herbert, I salute you.

Yep. Also, sorry about the short updates around here lately. It was all because of that night at Rick's, with the 11 hours of KotOR 2...But God, it was worth it. Soooooooo good. It's like the first game, same combat system and choices system, but...better. You can actually gain influence with your party, and affect THEIR alignment with your choices. If you kill innocent people, and tell one of your party members that it was the right thing to do, he'll turn evil. It's great. Instead of just having people the same alignment forever, it's all up to you! Different story-lines, good and evil, a bunch of characters...It's awesome. One of my favourite parts is the updated choices system. You get extra choices if your character has a certain number of skill points in a certain skill, like...repair, or computer use. So you could carry on a technical conversation with somebody about computers, if your skill was high enough. It makes a lot of new choices, really useful. I can't wait to play it again...So much fun.

What would I do without video games? I hate reality. Absolutely fucking hate it. I've probably talked about why I like video games so much before, but I'll talk about it again...I just love that sense of power. The sense that you're really somebody. Somebody important. Your decisions matter. You affect the entire outcome of the game. Save worlds, save lives...Destroy worlds, extinguish life...When I play video games, I take the role of a character. I become that character. I AM important. I have a purpose. I have a reason to exist, a goal to accomplish. A mission. I wish I had a real purpose...

You know what's weird? When you remember something specific in something...Say, a television show, for instance, and somebody else remembers the exact same thing. And I'm talking...UNIMPORTANT things. I was talking to Jared today about the latest episode of Enterprise that I saw. I mentioned to him that I had noticed a really good shot, and I mentioned Trip(sp?), the Engineer, and he immediately knew the shot I was talking about. It was for a three-second shot, just part of a conversation, and they showed him up on walkway, and the camera was just moving under the walkway, looking up at him as it moved. It was a -really- good shot, especially for such an unimportant scene. And Jared knew EXACTLY what shot I was talking about, he had noticed it too. It's really weird when you're so much like a person that you both pick out small details of things, that nobody else would notice, and can both remember them well. I blame Comm. Tech. Because of it, I constantly analyze shots in television and movies. Because of it, I notice some really good shots. But also, I notice some bad ones...I also noticed something the other night. On car chase shots, the camera always looks steady. I was watching one last night, and wondered how they keep it so steady, then I realized that it was really shaky. But the person watching gets caught up in the movement of the car. You're watching it move, watching things speed by. The shake is passed off as that of the car, and it makes it look far more realistic. It's really cool, actually. Yeah. This is what Comm. Tech had done to me. BASTARDS!

I don't think I got above seventy in comm. tech...That means I can't take the next semester's course. Which means I only have three courses, so I'm going to get a fourth-period spare. I decided that I'm going to spend a couple of my fourth periods in a locker, that I've noticed has no shelf. Just...seems like the thing to do. *shrug*

Yeeeep. Well, it's like...10:30. I usually go to bed 'round 11, but I don't have school tomorrow. Might make it an early night tonight...I have the rest of the week off, I don't need to stay up until two on the first night. I'm kinda tired, so I figure I'll go to bed around 11, 11:30. Depends what's on tv. Yep. Hrm...Looks like it's Growlanser all day tomorrow for me. Eric's going to school to hang out with Dave and some girl...Rick has an exam...Yep, it's Growlanser for me. Maybe, if my parents are gone, I'll watch that video on depression that the girl in my 'ologies class gave me. She seemed to think that it could help. Definately odd how people that don't even know me try to help me. Definately odd.

I like scaring people. It's very...gratifying...Just to hear somebody say 'You scare me'. I love it. Love it! It's also fun when you know you scare people, but they won't admit it. Beth Deshpende or something. I don't know how it's spelled. But she's scared of me. Has been ever since I tried to force her to sniff a Sharpie at a 2600 meeting, and touch the 20-sided die that had been in my mouth. Weird, I know. But in my defense, I was under the influence of a 1.8L coke, a couple bottles of Bawls, and coffee at the time. I was wired out of my mind.

2600...That reminds me. Ron Haynes is gonna be going to Ross now. He moved or something. I'm not completely sure if this is a good or a bad thing. He's pretty good friends with Jared....And Mitch...And James...But I'm still quite convinced that he doesn't like me. We used to be such good friends, we just...grew apart. And now, I really don't think he likes me. But yeah...Jared, Mitch, and James should be pleased about him going there. I'm still not sure what to think about it, though. Only time well tell...

I want to watch some movies while I'm not in school. Troy. I wanna see Troy. And some others...Yeah. Movies are good.

My Winamp skin is awesome. Just thought you should know. Some crazy anime guy with a scythe. He's so cooooool.

Yep. Not sure what else to say...What else is there to say? Meh. I'm gonna go watch some tv. I'll update again tomorrow night, I promise. Not another sissy-short update, either. A REAL update! A...MANLY update! Yeah. I've had way too much caffeine...

Until next time,
Geez...My armpits stink. Wait...Who will come close enough to actually smell them? If they do, this should drive them off. Muahahahahahaha! (actual train of thought I had this morning...)
~Kataron

The Winner Is You

Sorry, folks, no update again tonight...

Didn't sleep a wink last night...

I'm going back to bed.

Until next time,
Sleep is for the weak and the....zzzzzzzz......
Kataron

Journey to the Dream

And that's when the monkey said...Oh, hi. Didn't see you there.

If you're reading this, then....Well, you're pathetic. Not as pathetic as I am, mind you, but pathetic nonetheless. I usually do nice long updates, but...I'm going over to Rick's, to spend the night playing video games. w00t. Tomorrow's update, as well, depends on how caffeinated I am, and how late I can stay up, as I don't intend to sleep much tonight. Although, caffeine will probably be a factor in tonight's video game action. Booyah.

Anyways, I should probably be off...

Until next time,
Mind the herring
~Kataron

Metamorphosis

Hey kiddies. It's time for a REAL update. The one I made for last night decided to DIE on me when fucking Windows crashed, so I'm coming up with a whole new one now. Yeeeeep.

I've got something very specific on my mind tonight...Kids these days. I know that is said a lot, always in a negative context, but it's all true. Kids these days just don't respect people. Right, so there's a bunch of little piss-ants that go to my youth group. And though Dave, Eric and myself have been going there for twice as long as they guy that used to run the the place, and is now helping break in the new guy, but we get NO respect from the kids. As an example, the kids were playing Grenade earlier, tossing the ball around. We were playing Jenga in the kitchen. One of the kids comes back and opens the door, and is talking to one of the leader guys about something. So one of the OTHER kids decides to throw the ball at the guy at the door. It bounces in, and narrowly misses the Jenga tower that we had assembled. I grab the ball and hold it, wanting to punish the kids for being stupid. Then the kid...We'll call him Tyler. Mostly 'cause that's his real name...But anyways, Tyler comes in and demands the ball. Doesn't ask for the ball. Demands it. I look over at Dave, somewhat in amusement, and Tyler looks over, then flips him off behind his head, so the leaders don't see. At this point, I was rather pissed off, so I said he could have his ball back in half an hour. If he's good. Then Dave says that's too long, so I said ten minutes. The kid immediately goes to the youth leader, who tells me to give him the ball back. I refuse. He tries to come up with a compromise involving me giving him back the ball, and then them not using it for ten minutes, but that's just dumb. If the kids have the ball, they're going to use it. So I said no, I'll give the kid the ball back in ten minutes. Ten minutes after he leaves the kitchen. The kid was stubborn, though. Stood there staring at me for about fifteen minutes, following me around the kitchen, and trying to steal the ball back. He could have had the ball back in that time, but instead he chose to be an idiot. At one point, I forget what lead up to it, but the kid said 'Does the freak want a peanut?' and holds out an imaginary peanut to me. I came quite close to shoving my foot down his throat, but I somehow resisted. Insolent little shit-stain. But anyways, we tried to get rid of him, but the youth leader said that those kids have just as much of a right to be in the kitchen as anybody else, though the kitchen was originally out of bounds, because money had been stolen. Since I arrived at about 6:20, instead of six, I could not be considered a volunteer for that night, because I wasn't there for the whole time. Complete fucking bullshit, because when I got there, they'd only been there for five minutes, but yeah. After he said that, Tyler went over and yelled to the other kids to come in, because they could. Since the guy decided to bring us down to their level, we decided to leave the kitchen. So Dave and I went outside, and started the ten minute timer as the shit-stain followed us. We sat down in a corner for ten minutes, talking about stuff, and had the youth leader come over and talk to us about what was happening. We were rather pissed at the time, and made that clear. Once the ten minutes were up, I tossed the ball to them, and the first thing they said to us was 'Move. You're in the way'. This was VERY fucking rude, but we complied, and went elsewhere, not really wanting to get hit by the ball. We also didn't want to go back in the kitchen, because Greg (ex-leader person) had made the comment about how they had as much of a right to be in there as we did, and we were pissed off at him for bringing us down to their level. Then the new leader came over, and we talked about things that needed to change or Dave and I wouldn't bother coming anymore.

Honestly, these kids have no respect for anything. They barely even listen to Greg and Andrew, the ex-leader and new leader (respectively). If either of them tells the kids that they're doing something wrong, they'll stop until they're not looking, and do it again. Because they don't dish out punishments, they have NO discipline. These kids play their games, and swear at us and insult us. That's all they do at the drop-in. Most of them are friends of my brother, so know me on a more personal basis. So I get mocked a lot, and sworn at. And I'm not going to put up with any shit from any of them anymore. The only thing that stops me from dragging them outside and beating the shit out of them is the fact that if I'm going to be a volunteer, I need to look like I give a damn about the kids, and treat them with some respect. But fuck it. I refuse to treat the little shits with any more respect than they give me, which is NONE. So no, I'm not putting up with that shit anymore. I'm tired of going into the youth group, the CHURCH youth group, and having little kids swearing at me and insulting me. Doing things JUST to piss me off. The one kid, Tyler, was just staring at me for fifteen minutes, trying to get his ball back. He stared at me as if I were supposed to be threatened by him. Oh, please, hit me. PLEASE. If he hits me first, then there's nothing wrong with defending myself, and tearing the little asshole a new...well, asshole. The kid is clearly stronger than I am, though he's just in grade 8. Big for his age, on the wrestling team. Just genererally strong. But I've got something he doesn't. So much pent-up rage that if I were to concentrate it into an explosive device, would have something along the affect of a nuke. And that's AFTER I vent off some of the anger. But anyways, I'm a very angry guy. If Tyler had hit me, I would have hit him right back, and I'd probably sack him, too. Plus, I would have Dave to back me up if the kid started to win. Good old Dave.

But none of those goddamn kids show anybody else there respect. I have no problem smacking some sense into them if they piss me off. No problems at all. Of course, the leaders would have problems with it, but if I were to do it, they would deserve it. Otherwise, I will exact a punishment as I see fit. Say...Taking their ball away for a period of time. The kids just expect Dave and I to be pushovers like Greg and Andrew. They're SORELY mistaken. I am NOT going to put up with shit from anybody, and if these kids piss me off, they're going to regret it. Even if I can't hit them there, a bunch of them ARE friends with my brother, so I have open access to them when they're in my house. Nobody can stop me THERE. Nobody can stop me from kicking them out of my room from playing on the PS2 on MY tv. Even if I literally have to pick them up and toss them out. Which I've done more than once.

But kids today, NO FUCKING RESPECT. Dave told me a story about how he had been walking through the park near Ross with Jared and Eric a while back, and there was a kid there. The kid was around grade two, and was swearing at them. He had a golf tee, and was threatening to stab it through their hearts and/or necks. He was also hitting them with sticks, which really hurts, no matter who's doing the hitting. They had to take and break the sticks more than once, and at one point, Eric 'tripped' the kid. By that, I mean that he put his foot out, grabbed the kid by the shoulders, and brought him down to the ground, actually releasing him only when he was very close to the ground. Then the kid started crying. So what did Eric do? He picked the kid up and dusted him off. What the fuck does THAT teach the little shit? That crying will get his way? If I had been there, I would have taken the stick, snapped it, probably sworn at the kid, threatened to call his mommy and have him get spanked, and if the kid tried to hit me, I would have shoved him to the ground. No fucking mercy there. My way is harsh, but the kid learns something. Eric's way was good - UNTIL he helped the kid back up and fucking dusted him off. Congrats, Eric, you've helped the kid learn that he can solve his problems by being childish and stupid about them.

And that's how it is with kids these days! They start swearing SO YOUNG. I didn't start swearing until I hit high school. All my friends swore, but I didn't until HIGH SCHOOL. You know what I blame? That fucking music that kids listen to. And the movies. The parents need to have some fucking control here. Don't let the kid listen to whatever they want, watch whatever violent movies they want. Have some fucking control, people! Punish your kids. Actually PUNISH them. Not just a slap on the fucking wrist, but do something that will actually have an effect! I'm sick and tired of hearing about kids that start crying in stores when they can't get something they want, and crying until they're given it. I'd just smack the little fucker. I'll give you something to fucking cry about, kid. But the parents give in! The parents give in, because it's the easiest thing to do, because it's less work than actually teaching the kid a lesson! The disrespectful little shit-stains we call kids these days are influenced by music, media, and BAD FUCKING PARENTING. If you're just going to give your child whatever they want, you shouldn't be a parent. If you're just going to give in to every whim, every cry, because it's easier, than you really shouldn't have kids. You're just contributing the the already horrible problem. No fucking respect. When I was a kid, we didn't talk back to those that were older than us. We actually -respected- our elders. Not like today, when kids are screaming at their parents, threatening to stab strangers with golf tees, whining until they get their way. It's disgusting. I'm glad my parents actually had some discipline when I was young, mostly my dad. If I was doing something wrong, he'd smack me. And I'd learn my fucking lesson. He wouldn't hit me hard or anything, but enough to make me think twice before doing it again. I'm not saying that everything a child does wrong should be solved by violence, but don't be afraid to use it. Especially when they deserve it.

Bah.

Anyways...Other than the shit-stains, my day was pretty good. My exam in the morning was easy. Piece of cake. Heheheh. Cake. Cake-fest continued today, and was quite fun. I'm going back on Monday, even though I don't have any exams. Some fucking pulled the fire alarm during the afternoon exam, though. Stupid bastards. Also, I talked to Vero. Just a bit, but it's the first time we've actually SPOKEN to each other since she dumped me. I've been really debating on whether or not to try to get a friendship working again. I'd like to...But at the same time, I realize that we never had much of a friendship to begin with, and whenever I see her...I still feel like a failure. But these are issues I need to work out on my own, I suppose. Plus, there's the question of whether or not she would even want to be friends with me. Then again, I don't even see how the friends I have now can put up with me.

Strange...But it took that break-up to make me really look around and note the friends that I have now, the ones that really care about me. God knows it made me appreciate Rick a lot more. The kid has good intentions, and is a very good friend of mine, but is just a little...misguided and angry at times. But everybody has their flaws. Before, he used to annoy me a lot more. But I realized that he annoyed me because I saw myself in him, because I hate myself. I got annoyed at him for honest mistakes and things that I myself would do. But now, I'm trying to be a better friend for him, although I still am an asshole. I mean, I AM the kid's best friend. I should at least be a good friend, always there for him when he needs me, things like that. The way he is for me. But yeah. Took being dumped to make me look around and see who my REAL allies are. And now I've split off from the group, concentrating on those friendships that I've...formerly neglected. Having a girlfriend just seems to make me ignore my friends, and concentrate far too much on that one person...It's kind of sad. Veronica kept calling herself a whore just after the breakup. She's not a whore at all. That's just silly. She's flirty, and open with her body. You want a whore? How about Eva, cheating on me with 'Bob', having SEX with him after six months of dating me? That's much more whorish than anything Veronica's done, to the best of my knowledge. Anyways, I don't really want to talk about that at the moment. Damn you, Bob.

Hrm...It's almost midnight. That means Justice League is starting soon. I might post again if I get bored later, but don't count on it. I'm just glad I finished one long post tonight...Stupid exams, messing with my blog posting. Wow. That's really pathetic...

Aaaaaaanyways....

Until next time,
Do your civic duty. Smack a whining child today! I'm not entirely sure how that could be defined as a 'civic' duty, but I'm sure I could figure something out...Given enough time and caffeine.
~Kataron

Touch Me

I am so fucking pissed off right now. Fucking Windows crashed, lost forty-five minutes of ranting on here. And there's no way in hell I'm writing it all again. Basically, I'm pissed off with no good reason. Had a physics exam today, started cake-fest, and Dave decided to play catch with a cake I left in his care. I had a whole rant about people taking shitty care of things that belong to other people, but that all got deleted when my computer crashed. Focused mainly on video games and CD's, things, that people like to take shitty care of and let get scratched. But I'm not writing it all out again.

Something needs to die, and it needs to die soon. I'm going to play video games.

Until next time,
DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
~Kataron

Mount Ordeals

Sorry folks, no update again tonight. I just finished my Data Management final project, and now I'm moving on to study for my physics exam. Getting a 56.02 in the course, after all...I'd kind of like to pass. I'll try to update tomorrow night, but I have an essay to write. Don't need to study for that exam, though. Piece of cake.

Anyways, on to physics.

Until next time,
Are you SURE the pie was eaten when you got here? 'cause...there's pie on your face.
~Kataron

Legend of Zelda

Zooooooooooooooom.

That said, hi.

Well, semi-eventful day today. Finished taking the LONG-OVERDUE portrait pics I needed to take. Jared was supposed to be my model, but didn't show, 'cause his alarm clock is fucked. So I had Kate be my model instead. Got some good shots. Well, I finished that, had it marked, worked on editing the video...Second period, game day. Not many people understood my game. Probably getting a shitty mark on it. Oh well, it's not for them, it's for people like Ryan and I. REAL gamers. Some of the other games were fun, though. There was one done by two of the girls in the class...It was pretty lame. But amusing. 'Find your Prince'. Completely Disney. You were one of four Disney princesses, finding the matching prince. I won the first round, Ryan won the second. We decided afterwards that we found the metaphorical princes inside ourselves. Yep. It was kinda fun, though. Anyways, I actually studied in third. That doesn't happen often. Got bored, though. Found out that anything can be dramatic with the right music. ANYTHING. Fourth, another group thing. I mostly listened to music.

But lo and behold! I have neither a first period class nor a fourth period class tomorrow. For pretty much the same reason. Mr. V is driving the foreign exchange teacher to the airport, where she's going back to Australia, and my fourth period teacher is filling in for the teacher that's leaving. So...No class. w00t. Not sure what I'ma do then, though. I was gonna work on my Final Project. But then I decided that I didn't want to. Yep. I'd rather walk around talking to myself. :D

You know, it's very hard to outsmart yourself. I always seem to be ONE step ahead of myself. Bastard.

The next Growlanser game is FUCKING AMAZING. Half the party members, but it's so much more balanced. I'll do a FULL REVIEW over the next week, after some more playing.

Anyways, sleep time is now. Sorry 'bout the not-long update. More later.

Until next time,
Second-in-command of Team L33T
~Kataron

Fake Wings

I ownz0r. I beat Growlanser. YEAH! Okay, so I may have cheated a bit, but still...Now, I don't normally cheat. But I ended up in a battle against an INCREDIBLY HARD GIANT SUIT OF ARMOUR. Possibly the hardest battle in the game. SoI used a cheat to get some extra gems. Which I could have bought, but they weren't for sale at that point in the game. And even with the extra fire-power, I still lost twice before I developed a tactic to win. I basically used a gem that stopped the big boss' poison attack from affecting me, and I gave my ranged units gems that allowed them to fire THROUGH WALLS. And that's how I won. Not too much cheating...I just want to get on the the next damn game. And I can't get onto it without beating the first one. Hence, my dilemma. But I'll be back, and I'll do it again...There are sooooo many different paths to explore...At least half a dozen other characters that I could have gotten instead of the ones I have now. All that remains is figuring out HOW to get them...Needless to say, I'm going to be spending a lot of time playing that game later on.

I tried the second game for a bit a while back. I couldn't really get into it, as I hadn't beaten the first game, and I'm obsessive like that, but I tried it just a bit. It fixes the main problem of the first game, not being able to actually move your character around a map when not in battle, and going into towns and such, instead of picking things from menus. It's gonna be a lot of fun. But yeah.

In the path that I had my characters follow, we foiled a plot to frame a Minister, we chased around a girl that was the reincarnation of a big evil, eventually killing her (there's a way to get her in your team, if you do a few things right...), we fought a giant monster, we waged war against a nation of mercenaries, we snuck into their camps and set their supplies on fire, we defeated their leader, returned to the kingdom, THEN went back to a tower and killed the Minister that had been framed earlier, because he was trying to brainwash everybody. And that's just the parts that I can remember off the top of my head. It's a damn good game. The next should be just as good.

I am MUCH lessed stressed than I was before. I thought I'd have to have all my projects done for Wednesday, and I didn't even know what to do with one. Now I know exactly what to do with both, and I have one due Wednesday, and one due Friday (day of exam). My filming is now COMPLETELY DONE for my final project, and I'm taking the remaining portrait pictures I need tomorrow before school. I had my Comm. Tech exam today, in class. Wasn't too hard. I've got my physics exam on Thursday...That'll be tough. Gotta study for that one. Then I've got my 'ologies exam on Friday. Piece of cake, multiple choice and short answer :) Then I've got all next week off! Whoooooo! I'm psyched for that...Then next semester! YAY!!!! Computer Programming with Jared! :D:D:D:D And Mitch too, I think! It's gonna be AWESOME.

Yaaaay! I'm happy. This is weird. I'm never happy. Must be the caffeine. And the beating Growlanser. And the fact that I might actually pass my courses! Wheeeeee! And ALL NEXT WEEK OFF!!!! I'm TOTALLY going to get into RuneScape over that week. I need something to occupy myself with. And that's an awesome game. That and Growlanser should keep me busy! Between schooling people at Star Wars: BattleFront, anyway. Oh, you're going down, Rick. You think you're so good, huh?! You think you're so good, with your wrist-rockets, and rapid-fire lasers? Let's see you beat me when it's not TOTALLY RIGGED! Rebels Vs. Imperials. Galactic Conquest. Next week/This weekend. Be there or DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL FUCKING DEATH. 'cause you're going down...And you read this now, too, so I can threaten you on here! MUAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, he beat me twice the other day with the Super Battle Droid. With a laser machine gun and a rocket launcher as a secondary weapon. The rocket launcher instantly killed me, as I was but a human soldier. I'M GONNA SCHOOL YOUR ASS WITH MY IMPERIAL MIGHT! Then, just to show up up, I'll let YOU be the imperials, and school you with the rebels. The goddamn sissy-ass rebels.

Anyways...School was meh today. Got pissed off at lunch with filming, as we went outside to film something with a torch, and the torch wouldn't light. Devon insisted that we still film out there, though the should would have been easily done inside. BAH! First period, exam and filming. Second, testing game. Third, being stressed.

DAMN YOU, BOB!

Sorry, needed to be said. Then lunch, and during fourth, talked to teacher about project, got less stressed, did group work. Oh! And I got that depression video from that girl in my class, that said she was gonna force me to watch it. So...I got it, and I gotta watch it. Probably will sometime over the week I get off. Yep. It's weird to think that people that don't know me at all are trying to help me. Yep...Definately weird.

Anyways, I'm too distracted to write this. I'll write something else tomorrow night, but I have to do a project, so might not be much...

Until next time,
Polo!
~Kataron

No song...NO TIME FOR SONG!

Sorry, folks, no update tonight. Spent all night working on project, being forced off to bed now...I'll make up for it, I promise!

Until next time,
Marco!
~Kataron

Lunatic Pandora

God, my feet are cold.

It's come to my attention that some blogs are coming to talk more about religion recently. I know that two of my friends have just recently created an entirely religious blog, and I've seen more than a few others talk about God in recent posts. Now, I don't read the blog that my friends made. I have no link. I could easily find one, by going into my off-line contacts list on MSN, but that would be work. So if somebody could post the url in a comment, great, otherwise, tough. I know Eric's been reading this lately, and he's one of them, so he could post it. Jared reads it as well. Anyways.

Religion in general just pisses me off. Oh, and if I get any religious people posting and bitching about me speaking ill of religion, I'll hunt you down and cut off your fingers. That said...Religion. Pisses me off. How some people can claim to have 'seen the light', found God, blah blah fucking blah. Anything good happens, it's God, anything bad, it's the devil. Yes, there is good and evil in the world. Anyone that tries to deny that is a fuckwit. But can this really be chalked up to higher powers? In my opinion, we are naught but a Cosmic Coincidence. To put it in the terms of my friend Mitch, anyways. Now, what did he say about it? I'll paraphrase.

We're a cosmic coincidence. The number of planets that exist, an infinite number in an expanding universe, life was bound to happen sooner or later. Whatever the odds are, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't need to invent a backstory to try to explain why I'm here. I'm not delusional enough to invent some all-mighty creator in my mind just to have some sort of reason why I'm here.

Ah, the discussions of my third period physics class. And I agree with him. We're just a coincidence, in my humble opinion. Now, let it be known that I don't mean anything said in my blog to be truth. This is my opinion. I'm sick and tired of people talking about how they're right. That's one of the things that pisses me off most about religion. You call it faith, I call it ignorance. Now, this isn't with all people of faith. But you must admit, a large number are quite ignorant. The fervent belief that you're right, everything else is wrong. Why? How do you know? What if you're wrong? You ask them what if they're wrong, and they say they're not. They 'know in their heart' that they're right. They're unwilling to see otherwise. Because they're right, I'm just wrong, it doesn't matter what I say, or do, or think. Nothing in this world is certain. With an infinite number of variables, there is quite literally nothing in existance that is certain. It is certain to us, because it has always been, but something can always change. But that's another rant, go read through old posts if you want that. Anyways, I hate it how people just believe they're right. And they're not willing to see it in any other light.

I'll admit it. I'm wrong a lot. I could be wrong now, everything I say on this blog could be wrong. But I don't claim to have the answers. I don't claim to know more than you. I do, but I don't claim to. There's as much chance of me being wrong as there is of you being wrong. But at least I'll admit it.

The large number of religions, all claiming to be right. So many 'ultimate truths'. Put them in a room together, have them argue it out, nobody will budge an inch. How are people supposed to have faith, find religion in this world, with so many conflicting ones? It's all so confusing. What's right? Who's wrong? Finding truth from untruth, that's finding a religion. Back when I was posting on Volius, an RP board, I created a thread in the philosophy section asking about religions. I entitled it 'Convert me'. The religion that sounded the best to me was that of the Vikings. The guy wasn't actually a viking, but he spoke about it, and it was cool. But yeah, lots of different religions out there. A few were mentioned on there, and debates ensued. I just...can't stand the people that believe themselves to be right above all else. The ones not willing to admit their mistakes, when they make them.

I don't even understand how people can have faith. Honestly, I don't get it. How can you put your trust in something that may or may not exist? There's no real proof of either side. And if anybody says that we are proof of God, I'm gonna smack them. I've already stated that I believe we're just a Cosmic Coincidence. Anything that could be shown as proof of God can also be just coincidence. It doesn't prove that there's a higher power, it doesn't prove ANYTHING. What is the Bible, anyway? An old book. Yet people base an entire religion around it. Around some stories. The Bible isn't proof. The Bible is a book. With no proof of either side, I can't have faith. I have a very scientific mind, things need to be proven to me before I'll put my trust in them. I'm also a very paranoid person, so I don't have much trust to go around.

Yeah, I'm getting bored with the religion rant. Hopefully I've offended some of you out there. Good.

Now, to relate the day's events. In my weekend tradition, I didn't get out of bed until noon. Then I called Eric, who had called before I got up. He came over, and we finished our match of Star Wars: Battlefront. I won in the end. The two planets that I just couldn't take, I blew up. That's how the empire deals with their problems! Then we went over to Rick's. We were gonna have a party-thing, watch Star Wars and play video games, but Jared couldn't make it, and my parents got pissy about me not sleeping so close to exams, when I should be studying and finishing projects and shit. Bah. Buuuut....I did accomplish a very major task today. I finally got past where I've been stuck in Growlanser for over a month. The dispell tactic worked like a charm. I mentioned it a few weeks ago, but didn't bother to try it until today. No spells worked on me, so they spellcasters were trying to get me with melee combat. They were cut down easily. Finished a few levels after that, then I got stuck again. I can get by this one, but I want to find a better way, so that I can get through it without alerting all of the guards right away. But yeah.

I don't really have much to say tonight, save for the religion rant. I think I'm done for now. I'm gonna go watch some tv. If anything inspires me, I'll come back and post again, but don't count on it. And don't bitch about how blatantly wrong I am about religion in comments, either. My beliefs, so fuck you. I know I could be wrong. I'm wrong all the time. But yeah. Fuck you.

Until next time,
I should write a book.
~Kataron

Usual Quiet

Why do people say the grass is always greener on the other side? Isn't that a contradiction in itself? I mean, if you WENT to the other side, then wouldn't the grass be greener on the other other side? I know, it's a metaphor, not to be taken literally. I feel that it reflects hope. Hope that there is something better out there, something to strive for. But I still think it's a dumb saying. Fuck grass.

It's getting harder to start these entries...I always need SOMETHING, to draw attention. Suck you in. Force you to continue. Well, not really. Not at all. I just don't like to use the same greeting twice. And I've done most of them here. Doesn't seem right to just...Jump into ranting, so I need SOMETHING to open. Took me a couple minutes to get the paragraph above. But yeah.

Buses cancelled today. Too cold. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I got the day off school, I got to hang out with my friends and play video games all day, and I missed an in-class exam. On the other hand, I lost valuable filming time meaning my project will be nigh-impossible to complete before the deadline. They say that 'Where there's a will, there's a way'. Too bad I don't have the will to do much.

I just finished reading the Dominic Deegan webcomic. Hot damn, that's good. I linked to it in the end of last night's post, check it out if you haven't already. You NEVER know what to expect there. So many twists and turns. Great writing. Great art. It can get a little confusing at times, but if you have a mind for fantasy, it shouldn't be too hard. The recent story arc has me thinking about golems.

A golem is a magically animated creature. Not really alive, not really dead. Definately not undead. It can be considered alive by some. It can die. But, in my opinion, the ability to die does not mean something is alive. But I won't go into that, only I understand it. And not even. Anyways, golems. Golems are...Well, let's talk about different types, shall we? The most common would probably be wooden golems. Basically, animated wooden men. Nothing fancy. Dreadful weakness to fire. But wood isn't the only thing they can be animated out of. They can also be created out of various elements. Although, in that case, they're quite often referred to as 'elementals'. But they're still golems, if they're constructed by other people. Takes skill in magic to animate a magic golem, though. Well, any golem. But more skill to get the better ones. Okay, this whole rant is deeply rooted in fantasy, but please bear with me. The latest story arc involves golems. Golems, at first, are empty shells. The creator fills them in. Unfortunately, as the fool in the webcomic learned, they don't always do what they're told. And golems like that require an...extra ingredient. Souls. Not easy things to come by. People just aren't willing to part with what makes them...them. Anyways, golems are nothing but empty husks, filled with 'life'. The whole golem thing made me think of robots. What are robots, if not golems? All that they require to work are...souls. Or, to relate to a more modern idea, Artificial Intelligence. If a robot is given a complex AI matrix, does that make it alive? Of course not. It is crafted, created for a task. Artificial Intelligence is just the 'soul' that is placed into it for it to emulate life. Golems, robots...

Another interested point raised in recent comics...Suppose the world was in danger. Is it worth saving? Honestly, is this world we live in worth the trouble of saving, the sacrifice that people would have to do so others could live? And what does it matter, when they would all die anyway? When all people care about these days is money and power? In my opinion, no, the world is not worth saving. If we're going to die, then so be it. It will happen sooner or later, so what if it happened earlier than it should have?

People...Twisting the truth, using it to their own ends. The truth, to many people, is whatever makes them right. Pick and choose your truths, ignore facts, emphasize others. Destroy all evidence of some. Let's take the Bible, for instance. Not religious, but it seems to me that Christians tend to pick-and-choose what to believe and what not to believe. Some parts emphasized, and some parts ignored. You want a prime example?

www.godhatesfags.com

These fuckers sent me another reply. Give me a moment, I'll find it, copy it, and paste it in here.

'Hello Phathead Phate. Sorry for taking a few days to answer your e-mail to www.godhatesamerica.com. We were in Washington, DC picketing the violent “Christians” who went to worship Bush in the inauguration. They were the most violent people we ever picketed. Not at all loving. Read www.godhatesfags.com, www.hatemongers.com and www.godhatessweden.com. You say we’re making Christians look like ignorant asses. They’re doing that fine all on their own. The “Christian” of today is the child of the devil. We are Tachmonites. You should know the different. You want to know why we do this picketing. Hebrews 11:7: 7 By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith. We’re condemning you people who hate God. We don’t want to “win you to Jesus.” You know this picketing is not about our hate. It’s about God’s hate. God hates, as you see in these verses: Romans 9: 11 (For the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth;)12 It was said unto her, The elder shall serve the younger.13 As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.14 ¶ What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. Malachi 1: 11 (For the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth;)12 It was said unto her, The elder shall serve the younger.13 As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.14 ¶ What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. Why do you think hell is there? Because God loves the people He sends to hell? Don’t you know Esau represents all the reprobates ever born? You are ashamed of God and the truth'

Phathead Phate? What the fuck? And what the fuck is a 'Tachmonite', anyway? That goes right back to my argument. When you're going to accept something like...Oh, I don't know, THE EXISTANCE OF GOD, if you're going to follow what the Bible says, you don't get to pick and choose. You either take it as it is or don't take it at all. You have no right to decide what is or isn't correct. You can't just take a few ideas from it, BLATANTLY contradict others, and still claim to believe in it. That's just not right. These people are saying all this shit, but from what I'm told of the Bible, a lot of it is about FORGIVENESS, and how God loves EVERYBODY. But not according to these fuckwits. Nope, to these guys, forgiveness doesn't matter, and God loves everybody that isn't a 'fag', from Canada, from America, or from Sweden. If you're straight, and not from any of those countries, then God still loves you! Fucking bullshit. Honestly, these people need to look a bit more into things before they say shit like that. Unfortunately, your perception of the truth is whatever you see it as. Many different perceptions of the same thing can exist, causing mutliple 'truths' to be believed. With no way to tell right from wrong, it can get damn confusing.

I'm sorry if my ranting is kinda...weird tonight. I'm currently at a...uhh...mental state...where everything is...well, weird. I like to call it the 'Mellow' stage of caffeination. Comes between being wired and being depressed. I know I'm gonna get depressed later, and I'm not exactly grinning at the moment, I'm just...in between.

Score. I just remembered, Justice League is on tonight. Damn fine show. Damn fine.

Anyways, I guess I'll tell you people about today's events. First, got up. I remember waking up a few seconds before my mom came in to wake me, and just...well, knowing that she was about to come in and wake me up. Not sure why, but I was more alert than usual this morning, as well. I came down here to check blogs and webcomics and such, and I sign on to MSN. Always do that in the morning. Anyways, my friend Ben started talking to me, telling me that buses are cancelled, because it's too cold. I get excited. I call Eric to double-check, then call Rick. Rick wasn't up yet, 'cause he wasn't going to school anyway, but he called me back when he got up. I wandered over to Rick's, and we played some video games. Fun fun. Came home around noon, because I had to cook my brother some lunch. Kraft Dinner. That's the extent of my ability, and I can only do it in my kitchen, because I'm familiar with it. And even then, it's not very good. Had a pretty good talk with Sarah. That's the Sarah from England, not the one around here. Yeah. She's having a very life-changing event sometime in the future, so it was pretty good talking to her, and hearing about that. Unfortunately, I'm not willing to go into any details, for the sake of her privacy. Only Jared and I will read this and know what I'm talking about. Unless she reads it...I gave her the url a little while ago, but I don't think she checks it that much. ANYWAYS, then Eric came over, and we played some Star Wars: BattleFront. Galactic Conquest match. The first match, I totally OWNED him. The second two, I threw purposefully. Spent the matches attacking my own troops. After that, I decided I wasn't going to go easy on him, but the three matches had really improved his skill. Quick study, that one. The galaxy is now about...half and half. Well, I own two planets, he owns one, and one is contested. Unfortunately, taking Bespin is quite a challenge for me...:S He always wins that map...He's beat me three or four times on it! But anyways, after that, we wandered over to the Youth Group. Fun fun. Oh, and Rick came over while we were playing BattleFront. Yeah.

Anyways...It's just about midnight, and that means Justice League! So I gotta go. I hope it's not one I've seen...It has been the past couple weeks, but maybe it won't be! One can always hope...Anyways...

Until next time,
And that's where I fought with the Necromancer. Note the dead grass. It's 'cause he's a Necromancer. You know. With the death and stuff. It killed the grass. Either that, or something was sitting there for a while...
~Kataron

To Your Tomorrow

It's rantin' time.

My time could be much better spent doing a wide variety of things...Studying for the exams I have next week, the exam I have TOMORROW, working on various projects that I need to get done...But that's hardly stress-relieving.

Had an okay day today...Not bad, not good. One of the enlargers in the dark room was fucked this morning...Light wouldn't turn on. Period...Wasted! So, for the black and white pics, I'm screwed. Meh. Mr. Wheat was the substitute today, as Mr. Vidug was gone for some reason. He probably said why, but I just wasn't listening. I don't do that very often. Listening's for suckers! Then...Second period. That mostly involved listening to music and trying to look like I was doing something. Test in third...And just like the recent math test I took, bombed. I've paid even less attention than usual the past couple weeks...In ALL courses. But once again, meh. Fourth, we talked about stuff and watched the end of a video.

That reminds me! Tomorrow's black day! ^_^ That means, for you people out there who are confused, that Jared and I are both planning on wearing are darkest outfits. Black jeans and black dress shirt for me. Similar for Jared. Yeah, yeah, it's kinda vain to be planning out outfits, but fuck you.

You know what pisses me off? Video games that fuck things up. You people ever seen screenshots from the first Zelda game for the GameCube? If not, click here. Screenshots are there. How DARE they?! HOW DARE THEY TURN LINK INTO A LITTLE FUCKING CELL-SHADED SISSY?! BASTARDS! Link has an image, dammit. He's not just some sissy-ass kid. He's a child in some games, but -that- was going too far. Oh, and you know what else? I'm told that in one of the Zelda games for the GameCube, they didn't even USE Link. It's somebody else. Some other sissy kid. What the fuck? ZELDA AND LINK. LINK AND ZELDA. It's just how it goes. You can't fuck with that. I refuse to dignify anything without Link as a 'Zelda' game. I REFUSE.

But at least now they're wising up. The newest GameCube Zelda game looks beautiful. Zelda: Missing Link is bringing Link back as he was in Ocarina of Time. Not the kid version, but that kick-ass adult one. Fuckin' right! Graphics are quite good. Unfortunately, the release date has yet to be announced...But I've got the news for you NOW, courtesy of my latest issue of GMR magazine! w00t!

Also, Kingdom Hearts 2...Mmm...Reading that makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Kingdom Hearts was an excellent game. Surprisingly good. I mean, it's Disney, but Square-Enix did a good job of making it playable. More than I can say for FFX-2...*vomits*

Anyways...Kingdom Hearts 2. To be released in September. And I'm excited already! It features characters from the first game, as well as a few new ones. It's got Mulan and that dragon thingy. I never actually -saw- that movie, so everything featured in the game will be new to me. It's also supposed to have a Pirates of the Caribbean world. Yay! I can't wait to play it...But before that, I'm going to need to go through and actually BEAT Kingdom Hearts. I got to the end, but never finished.

FFXII looks good, too. Back to Ivalice in this one. If you don't know, and you probably don't, Ivalice was the world featured in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. GREAT game. Graphics are quite good. Apparently, it has a real-time battle engine, so it might be leaning somewhat towards an action rpg rather than a traditional one. But whatever it is, the main point is that Square-Enix is back on the ball. Hopefully, there won't be any more SHIT like FFX-2. Seriously, that game sucked so much ass, it's disgusting. FFXII, on the other hand...Looks beautiful. Thank you, Square-Enix. Please, keep going like this. No more shitty games, okay?

Speaking of Square-Enix...Dirge of Cerberus, the FF7 sequel. Featuring Vincent, looking to be a third-person shooter. In the fashion of Devil May Cry, I'm guessing. DMC wasn't a bad game, but...It's hardly Final Fantasy. I'm hoping they don't fuck this up, as they're dealing with one of the most popular Final Fantasy characters ever. If they fuck this up, A LOT of people will be pissed.

What else is out there...? Oh, Resident Evil 4. Looks AWESOME. Kinda makes me want a GameCube...That and Zelda, the Cube is really taking a different turn from what it used to be. It started out with those stupid kiddy games. Like that *hiss* Zelda game. But now, they've got some good stuff going on it...If only it weren't so freakin' butt-ugly.

ooo, there's an ad in this magazine for a new Tenchu game. I've never been partial to that stealth shit, but I REALLY enjoyed 'Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven'. If this game is at all similar, it will go quite well. For those of you who don't know and can't tell, Tenchu is a ninja game, focusing on stealth. In the last one, you unlocked special abilities by stealth-killing a certain number of enemies in each level. And the stealth-kills looked AWESOME. Some involved jumping on the enemy's head and slicing their throat, some involved stabbing through the back, all sorts of crazy stuff. REALLY cool. I'm anticipating the new one.

The new MechAssault game looks good too. The other MechAssault for the Xbox was quite fun, with a large number of mechs available for each mission. It was really freakin' fun. As well, there was a lot of downloads out there on Xbox live, where people could download new mechs and maps and stuff. It's great. The new one has improved graphics, and hopefully a good story-line. The commercials I've seen have looked great. I can't wait to try this out...I hear you can even STEAL other people's mechs. Of course, that'd be quite dangerous, but fun.

Eck. They're making a new Getaway game. Didn't they realize that the first one sucked ass? The worst part was the complete lack of meters, anything like that to gauge how much health you have. It was like a cheap British GTA ripoff, but done poorly. Unless they've GREATLY improved it, this game is gonna suck.

I'm excited about the new Fullmetal Alchemist game. Done by Square-Enix, if I'm not mistaken. Fullmetal Alchemist is an anime series about...well, an alchemist. A pair of brothers, actually. One gets turned to metal in an experiment gone wrong. It kinda looks like he's wearing a big suit of armour. But he's not. The other now has a metal arm. It looks pretty good...A nice Square-Enix RPG done off an anime series...I'm definately going to give it a try.

There's also another game coming out this summer that looks interesting...Stubbs the Zombie, it's called. You play as a zombie named Stubbs. Some people build a city above your grave, and you don't particularly like it. You need to use all sorts of undead tricks, such as possession, to take back the area. Best of all...It's done by somebody from Bungie! That's right, Bungie, the creators of Halo and Halo 2! He left the company, and this is his first game. So let's so him some support, and try it out!

And Dear Lord, what do they make as one of the first games for the relatively new DS handheld system from Nintendo? A dating sim. *sigh* I don't even need to comment on this one.

Well, that's been my game review...Expect one of these about once a month, with each new issue of GMR magazine.

But yeah. Not sure what else to say here...Video Games are pretty much all I think about at the moment. They're always there for me. And I CAN'T WAIT to get that new computer! YEAH! I just talked to my dad about it tonight, and it's still a go. He's got over a month of work lined up, so he should be getting plenty of money. I just need to figure out costs and such, and I get it :)

After I've finalized my decisions, I'll be sure to post all of the system specifications on here! ^_^

Well, it seems that people are actually reading my blog again...Rick got bored in Programming and found my blog, and started reading it. Eric called me up the other day, after being sick, just to discuss one of my blog entries. Jared stays up late every Friday night and tries to catch up with a week's worth of posting. And then I've got all the others that read from time to time. Apparently, there's people I barely know that read this stuff...Rick was reading my blog today in class, and somebody knew what it was. Said that it had inspired them to make their own blog. I should NOT be inspiring anybody to do anything. Hell, I should be....DEspiring people to do stuff. I am evil, after all...Nothing good should come of my actions! NOTHING! But it's weird to think that complete strangers are reading my deepest feelings. Then again, I'm hardly one to talk, I have two blogs bookmarked that I just found randomly. One is of a woman that's getting married soon. Thus, lotsa stress...Another is a girl that doesn't update much, but has some rather amusing posts. But yeah. Blogs and webcomics seem to be all I do on this computer anymore...That'll change when I get my new machine, dammit! Games, games, games galore!

Dammit, I had something I wanted to rant about. Well, I'll think of a filler rant.

You know what pisses me off? People that constantly ask questions. It's okay if you ask a few questions, if you're geniunely curious. But if you're going to ask how things work under EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE situation, it's just annoying. Especially when they do it...Say, during tests? If something is not said in the question, just assume, dammit. ASSUME. Unless it clearly states otherwise, it's probably going to be exactly how the homework was. And it always seems to be the 'smart' people that ask the questions, too. As well as the ones that completely bug out over tests. What the fuck do you have to worry about? You're getting like...an 80 anyway. It's one test, it doesn't matter if you can't get a question or two. Geez. But it does matter to them! They completely freak out. Makes me want to hit them in the face with a shovel, or something of a similar shape as a shovel. Just...Shut up. Stop freaking out over the tests. If you mess up, you'll get no sympathy. Hell, I know I'd just be amused.

You know, I think a good F would do some of them good. Those damn smart people can be so stuck up. Elitist, in some cases. For example...Comm. Tech elitists? 'twas mentioned to me today that somebody in one of the grade 12 comm. tech classes is a photo elitist. And apparently, whenever she goes into the dark room, she removes all of the pictures on the rack, the ones set out to dry, and puts her own on. That's rather rude, isn't it? I mean, can't you find room? Can't you just take off the ones you need, to MAKE room? But noooo...You've gotta take them ALL off. Doesn't matter if they get misplaced. They're not YOURS. Elitists piss me off. Always think they're better than everybody else. I can be mistaken for an elitist at times. Because I constantly put people down. That doesn't make me an elitist. It means I have no self-esteem. Putting others down makes me feel better about myself. Well, not really. It just amuses me for a brief time.

Jesus FUCK MY EYE Christ. I know I've mentioned this before, but I fucking HATE those stupid fucking makeover shows. And our STUPID FUCKING SHALLOW SOCIETY. What the hell is wrong with our society? All people care about is looks, it's disgusting. The mind doesn't matter anymore, only the body that holds it. But those stupid makeover shows...What bugs me is that the women really WANT to do that. They WANT to get plastic surgery, liposuction, all that shit. Just to fit our society's vision of beautiful. They have such low self-esteem, they're willing to go on national television for a chance to look good. And they're always so impressed in the end. Do they ever stop to think about the effect that they're having on women at home, the women watching these shows? Do they think that maybe they're just conforming to our society's standards, and encouraging others to conform, and fuck up their natural bodies to fit a stupid society's standards of something that really shouldn't matter? DAMN YOU, MAKEOVER SHOWS! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Sorry, my mom was just watching one. Yay, now she's going to bed! That means I can have my music on loud ^_^ Well, not so much...loud...as just...you know, ON. I can't have it on when my parents are watching tv, 'cause...Well, it bugs them. And I can't use headphones, because I like to lean back in my computer chair. Well, the rocking chair I dragged over to be my computer chair. I love this chair. Most comfortable one I've ever had over here...And it's not even that comfortable. I need one like Mitch's...DAMN, that's comfortable. I mean, really. Soooo nice. But it's one of those rolley ones...The floor around my computer is warped from water, and there's not very much floor here anyway, so a rolley chair wouldn't work that well. Yeah.

I can't wait to be able to go to LAN parties and actually...play games. I just go now to hang out with Slippery and Pete. Man, those guys are cool.

Well...I think I'm just about done posting for the night. Let's see, did anything else happen today to inspire a last-minute rant? Uhhh...Nah. I'm gonna go back to reading Dominic Deegan, Oracle for Hire. Good webcomic.

Until next time,
And then my master told me...When you can brush your teeth in a cave filled with vicious wolves, without getting so much as scratched, THEN you will be ready. He always was a little...eccentric.
~Kataron

Wild World

Greetings etc. I just got back from upstairs, venting my anger. God, I love video games. I just intended to beat the campaign, but I got caught up in Galactic Conquest...Star Wars: BattleFront or something. Fun fun. I killed everybody that got in y way. Me troops, their troops, neutral troops. Myself....FUN. Ended up pretending they were all somebody that pissed me off. DAMN YOU, BOB! I just love having a vendetta for that guy. Bastard.

My quiz dealy doesn't have any results yet...I clicked on it, and there was a view thing and a create thing, nothing to TAKE the quiz, I must have put up the wrong link. BLEH. Not gonna bother now, if people have checked it out, they've probably gone to view, where they can answer the questions without it being tallied. If people request that I put the link up, sure, but until then, fuck it.

That missionary thing pissed me off. Now, SETH, don't post and say that it's wrong or anything. I don't believe that all missionaries out there are like that, but there's clearly some out there. Maybe not very good missionaries, maybe they shouldn't be missionaries, but they are. So yeah. Missionaries piss me off. If you really care to find my flawed reasoning, go through my old posts. It's there...somewhere. I'd link to it, but finding it would take -far- too much work.

Stress, stress, STRESS! I have three major projects I need to finish for Comm. Tech. I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm not gonna have all ten black and white pictures done. Just...not gonna happen. I've got my hands full with other stuff, like the final fucking project that we only got two weeks to do. Fucking bullshit, that. It's worth twenty percent of our fucking mark, and we get two weeks?! For other courses, sure...But this is comm. tech! Doing a video for the final means that you have two weeks to plan, to film, and to edit everything to perfection. Planning includes coming up with an entire concept for the video, whatever you want it, and with no limits, that's hard enough as it is. It took us a week to plan, JUST to plan. That's coming up with a concept, turning the concept into a treatment, turning the treatment into a storyboard, writing scripts, having every shot planned out, where it's gonna happen, what's gonna happen. That leaves a week to film AND edit. Thank God for Jared. If it weren't for him, this wouldn't get done. If it weren't for his pathetic love of editing, the movie would never get done. Thank you, Jared.

But THEN, you've got the problems that always always always come up with filming. Problems like...oh, I don't know, accidentally filming over a period's worth of work? When we can't afford to miss a period's worth of work? Yeah, that happened today. Oh, PLUS, we have an in-class exam on Friday. So no filming during that class. Dark room booked tomorrow, can't film during THAT class. And Vidug's got an appointment or something next Wednesday, so we don't have class then. As such, everything outstanding needs to be completed by TUESDAY.

So fucking stressful...But I can't wait for next semester to arrive! Plus, with exams...Comes...Cake-Fest! But Cake-Fest is never ever ever ever ever going to turn out the way it did before. With the cake being shared among so many people. And SOME of the people were people that I UTTERLY DESPISE. How the fuck is that fair, anyways? I pay for the cake. I get the cake. I share the cake, and it gets shared among the people I DON'T want it to be shared with. I remember the first time, though...Or was it the second? But way back in the day...Jared, Dave, Eric, and myself...Went out, got the cake, brought it back, and ate it. Just the four of us. They we put the empty plate back in the box, and gave the box to some friends of ours. They thought cake was in it, until they opened it. Good times...Good times...The looks on their faces :)

This year, I'm not putting up with any bullshit from anybody. People want cake? That's too fucking bad. I decide who gets the cake. You want to create your own twisted cake-fest? Fine, but if you use the name Cake-Fest, I'll smack you. Cake-Fest is ours. You can't have it. And don't think you're protected because you're female. I'm fuckin' crazy. I no longer have any problems with smacking a female. Just like smacking a guy. And I do THAT all the time. Jared, Rick, and Eric can attest to that. But yeah. Cake-Fest is ours. And it will stay that way. I'll do whatever I have to do to ENSURE that it stays that way.

Yep. Being crazy sure is fun. But yeah.

Let's see...What did I do today?

Got up...Bus to school...Wandered around before class...First period, filming. Second period, drawing shit and writing up random happenings for my game. Third, review. Fourth, discussing questions that I did last night before Microsoft Word ate them. That's about it.

Saw Vero a few times. And it no longer bothers me that much. Yay! Still don't really want to talk to her, but I've gotten to the point where I don't need to avert my eyes. Hurts a lot less. Yep...

Next subject! I...don't know what the next subject is. So...How you guys doin'? New...Rant...Topic...Rising...

Midgets. Is it just me, or are they really fucking creepy? Like, seriously. So fucking short. It's not natural. They're not normal. They're freaks. So...small....And you know what's REALLY creepy? Midget porn. At the last LAN party I was at, a few weeks ago, a few of us got bored around 3am. We decided to download some porn and rate it. Nothing particularly good. But ONE of the guys there suggested that we download midget porn. So we did. I tried to convince them not to, it's just too weird. But they did. Creepy, creepy midgets...Especially when they're compared to normal people. Their limbs are all...weird-sized...It's really fucking creepy. But, we also downloaded a hilarious midget video. There's this old black and white video with a midget beating up a bunch of normal guys. It's so funny. Especially since it's so clearly fake. The midget like...does a flying leap over a big-ass fence. Funny shit.

But midgets scare me. Not like...literally, but they bug me. I don't think I could be friends with a midget. They look like they have such large heads, in comparison to the rest of their bodies...*shudders* They need to make more video games about killing midgets. I assume -some- have been made. I should find them...Yeah.

It's kind of weird...I haven't been single for very long in over a year. My relationships seem to start up pretty much immediately after the others end...A week or two between Sarah and Eva. She actually tricked me into asking her out, she did. I didn't think I was ready at that time, but I wanted to try it sometime, and I asked her how she would feel about an on-line relationship. She asked me if I was asking her out. What could I say? And she knew it, too. But yeah...Then there was about two weeks between Eva and Vero. But now it seems I'm gonna be single for a while. 'cause if I'm not...Jared's gonna hit me in the face with a shovel. Rick and Eric want me to find a new one, because they seem to be under the impression that I'll stop talking about hookers if I get one. Foolish mortals! It's never stopped me before! It's a default saying for me now. Like 'I'm not crazy.' used to be. And before that...'I like pie'. That was a good one...Good times...

I actually made some good 'Your mom' jokes today. Three. All to Jared. I forget exactly what they were, but they were default come-backs to whatever he was saying. Gotta love Generic Come-Back number three! That's what I've termed the 'Your mom' come-back. Number one is 'YOU '. Number two, I have no idea what it is. But number three is 'Your mom '. Good stuff. Number two might be 'Your face '. But it doesn't fit that often anymore. Yeah.

Ranty ranty ranty rant. As you can probably tell, I'm wired right now. I heard something the other day, that if a girl has a can of Coke every day, she'll have diabetes by 19. I assume it's something similar with males, so I must have diabetes a few times over. But my blood-sugar can never get too low, because of all the sugary stuff I eat/drink. Therefore, I am a God. No, no logic there. Just...God-dom.

I love being a nerd...A lazy, lazy nerd...I was reading the news on MegaTokyo, where events have recently been transpiring. Something involving a feud between MegaTokyo and PVP, something was said about MT by PVP, that people got offended. Scott Kurtz, the esteemed author of PVP, posted something on a forum, in a thread on the subject. He said it would just be a fight between PVP and MT people, which would end in somebody calling Kurtz fat and lazy. Dom, one of the MegaTokyo people, posted a news thing talking about it, saying that Kurtz was fat and lazy, making THOSE WORDS a link to the forum where he said that. Piro, the main guy at MegaTokyo didn't know it was a quote, and edited it out. You know what? I'll just post his whole news thing here. It amuses me.

Dom:

'Heh. I come back from work and see a dozen angry messages from Fred on my home machine because of the last rant, followed by a "Oh, you were quoting Kurtz, not insulting him."

I'm a simple man, really. I get angry for very short periods of time, I get frustrated for longer periods of time, but when you get down to it, I'm a mellow guy. That manic little ball of rage you see on stage during anime/comic book conventions? Yeah, I guess he's me too, but not in any prolonged manner. But when I'm angry at someone, I come out and say it. And I don't get mad at people over the 'Net. It's a waste of energy. So just remember--unless I start a rant by saying I'm pissed and want to set people on fire, I'm most likely sitting at my keyboard, drinking a soda and either catching up on some reading, or avoiding work.

Anyway, since I've been censored, I figure I should celebrate it somehow. It's been a while since anything I said was pulled back, and in true journalistic style, I guess I should complain about it bitterly whilst... uh... I dunno, really, I'm new to the whole writing gig. Should I make endless posts about the iniquity of my situation, as a poor oppressed writer who can't earn his wage without being oppressed? And that all should witness the violence inherent in the system, until justice is served on my terms?

Should I drink absinthe and give up on life (I think drinking absinthe and giving up on life are equivalent, but what do I know?), devoting my meaningless, silenced existence to writing bad poetry and trying to get laid?

Should I rail against the man, camping out in Ann Arbor and fighting the power until Fred gets tired of me stinking up his doorstep and gives in to whatever it was we were talking about?

Or should I realize that all of those things require effort, sit back and play video games?

I think you'll know what choice I'm going with.'

btw, Fred is Piro. Just so you can relate that to what I said before. But his post inspired me. To play more video games. It made me PROUD to be a nerd, proud of what we are. And you know what's great? It's us nerds that control things. I mean, everything he said on there has been read by thousands and thousands of people. He can affect their minds with ease, and can use knowledge of computers to have an edge over the average person. It's sad to think that most people don't know anything about computers. But they don't. They still think they can get by without them. Or they think they know everything, and only use it for email, chat, and a few shitty games. Oh, you're a fuckin' genius. Do us all a favour, go out in a big storm holding a metal rod. Preferably in an open field. Thanks. It just pisses me off so much when people THINK they know things about computers, when they wouldn't be able to tell the Hard Drive from the Video Card. Ignorant shits.

I need my new computer, god dammit! So much pent up rage! Nothing is good enough to rid me of it! I need GORY, VIOLENT, and REALISTIC games to play! Half-Life 2, Doom 3! I wanna see blood splatter as I fire a shotgun into the face of a demon! I wanna see limbs fly off as I use a gravity gun to throw spinning robots with blades at other enemies! I wanna hear their death-cries, hear their pain! Either that or I can go crazy and shoot a bunch of people at school. It's probably best for everybody if I get a computer, and find better ways to vent my homicidal rage.

Anyways, I'm just about done here. Since I'm bored, I'll just...LINK to a random site or TWO. And there you are.

Booyah.

Until next time,
The metaphorical apple is always just out of our reach. Our metaphorical reach, that is. You see, it's a metaphor. A metaphor about...metaphors. That's it...
~Kataron

Don't Wanna Fall in Love

Yeeeeeep. I'm pissed off. I did homework tonight. Actually DID it. Spent an hour typing up answers to a review sheet. And I had just finished the last question, was about to save, when I got an illegal operation message. There was nothing I can do. FUCK YOU WINDOWS, AND FUCK YOU, BILL GATES, YOU COCKSUCKING ASSMONKEY. I'll have my revenge!

Got sent a quiz from Seth. Got a 50 on it. Out of 100. Made one of my own.

LINK! ALSO LINK!

Oh yeah. Two links. I'm good. Not really much to say tonight...I'm tired, and I'm trying to read webcomics. Nothing overly bad happened today to incur a wrathful paragraph.

First period, filming...Second, test...Third, skipped to do dark room work...Fourth, presentations...Kinda boring day, really. Yeah...

Take the quiz, damn you. None of the questions are too hard. If you read my blog often enough, you should be able to get most of them. If not, then meh.

A new idea has been brought to my attention, by my good friend Seth. He's moving down around here at some point, and a friend of his is moving down later. They want to move out together, and offered to do that with Jared and myself. Not sure when Jared and I are gonna make the big move, but we'll get around to it when we have some money. If we have him and his friend, that splits the cost...Which means I have to pay less...Which means more video games...And that's always good. God, I love video games. Much better than stupid crappy reality.

New rant...Being inspired...

You know what PISSES me off? Shitty games. I mean, these games are brought out by major companies, how can they suck so much ass? And then you've got those franchises that should be dead by now. Yugioh, Pokemon, The Sims. The Sims was dead, in my opinion, shortly after the first expansion. It's not a very good game. How pathetic is it to control somebody's life completely, rather than living your own? Now, I don't like living my own, but it's not much more entertaining on there. Given, it IS addictive. Very addictive. But it gets old fast. So very fast...Whenever anybody tells me to get a life, go out and do stuff, I want to say 'They made a Sim game about that. It sucked. 'nuff said'. That's technically a quote from a webcomic. I forget which. Little-Gamers, maybe. Good webcomic. I just finished catching up with it last night. 1016 comics and counting. Good stuff. Video game humour. GOOD video game humour. Yep. Anyways, shitty games. Especially when they come from a line of good games. Some Final Fantasies have just been such disappointments...FFX-2. Fucking pathetic. A girl's game. Final Fantasy, reduced to a girl's game. There is no justice there. No fucking justice. Dress spheres? Three playable FEMALE characters? What's next, BARBIE?! Then you've got those SHITTY games that are just remakes, over and over and over again. Added a few things, fixed a bug or two, added a few more bugs, all that jazz. Now, if they do it WELL< it can be a good game. IE, GTA3, Vice City, San Andreas. GOOD remakes. Amazing new things. But other games...They just add a few new things and remarket it. BASTARDS!

Shitty, shitty games...And the companies just keep making them. Thank God for the few GOOD companies out there. But then, some of them are fucking up, too. Blizzard, for example. World of Warcraft is amazing. But there's so much down-time. And bugs. Bugs that I know FOR A FACT have been reported IN THE BETA. And they're still there. Mines that freeze your character. Fucking mines. Penny Arcade has gone so far as to revoke their 'Game of the Year' status until they fix their fucking problems. I can't wait until I get a new computer, and can actually play it here. THAT will be fun. I want that, Half Life 2, Doom 3, Neverwinter Nights, Morrowind, and a few others. The new computer should be soon...Soon...Please, God, let it be soon...

I want to become a monk. And then use my monk powers to take over the world. It's not a very monk thing to do, but I figure if I can learn their secrets and exploit them, I'll get stuff. I like stuff.

Urge to kill...RISING....I just got a response from the message I sent the fuckwits. I'll post it all here.

MY message:

'You people must get A LOT of hate mail...

I'm going to -try- to keep this as polite as possible, but it won't be easy. I mean, you've made no effort to do so on your website.

Why do you do this? Why are you giving Christians a bad name, making them seem like ignorant, homophobic racists? How do you respond to certain areas allowing Gay Marriage?

Honestly, if you think you're any better than the people you've dedicated your entire website to hating, then you're wrong. All you're doing is practicing hate-mongering and making Christians look like ignorant asses.

I'm not Christian myself, but I have numerous Christian friends thatwould VERY MUCH disagree with you. They'd be ashamed to share a faith with...creatures like yourself.'

That was MY message. Here's theirs:

'Nate:

Try harder next time.'

Goddamn motherfucking ignorant arrogant slimeballs. Honestly, they need to die. They -need- to die. I need to find something very unpleasant to be done to them. They all must pay for their ignorance. Preferably in blood. But I'll accept horrible, blinding, disfiguring pain.

Anyways, I'm done this for tonight.

Until next time,
DEATH FROM ABOVE!
~Kataron

Key of the Twilight

Don't you just hate ignorance? Ignorant Christians in particular. Most are pretty good about this stuff, but then you've got...others.

God Hates Fags.

This link was posted on Little-Gamers.com a few days ago. It just...pisses me off so much that people can be so fucking ignorant. Please, go to this site, and send them an email. Flame these cocksuckers. Hell, I'm going to look into finding something mean and evil to do to them. Ignorance like this would not be tolerated if I was in charge of the world. No sir! These motherfuckers would be rounded up and shot. In the kneecaps. Then the arms. Then they'd bleed to death, unable to do anything with their arms or legs. I'd probably have fire ants or something involved as well. Good old ants...Anyways, yeah.

It just pisses me off so much. I mean, I know a bunch of Christians, and they don't necessarily agree with homosexuality, but they wouldn't say bullshit like is said on that website. According to that site, God not only hates 'fags', but also America and Sweden. And the Tsunami that just happened? Why, that was God's wrath. These people need to be shot. Like, seriously. If I could locate them, and had a high-powered sniper rifle, they'd -so- get killed.

Also, according to this, athiests are not only blind, but arrogant to boot. ATHIESTS are arrogant?! What about these cocksucking asswads? They are arrogance in it's ultimate form. Dammit! The bloodrage had passed...Now it's coming back...Too late for video games...Eh, I'll probably just have some extremely violent fantasies while I try to sleep.

Remember the Pseudo-Christians I spoke of? Yeah, this site is a good example. One of the frequently asked questions on the site is 'Doesn't the Bible say not to judge?' Their response:

Yes. However, you may not understand what that means. It means not to judge unrighteously, it means not to judge using your human judgment, and it means not to judge hypocritically. In other words, don't substitute your judgment for God's, and don't judge other people when you are guilty of impenitently engaging in the same sins (i.e., Don't cast the first stone).

So, because they've chosen to interpret this command as something else, they're allowed to judge all they want. And then they call ATHIESTS arrogant!

Stupid...Ignorant...Bastards....SO....ANGRY!

Yep. Ignorant motherfuckers.

Even if they WERE right, which they're not, I would never follow a God that would condone....things like that site.

Okay, upon further inspection, God hates Canada as well. Canada, America, and Sweden.

Apparently, some of these fuckwits were picketing a same-sex marriage, got arrested, and burned a Canadian flag. Seriously, the leaders of this organization need to be targeted and killed. Without the leaders, there would be a state of disorganization and panic. The site needs to be taken down, or hacked and edited. The fools must die.

I'm too pissed off to write about anything else right now, so I'm just gonna end this. And if I get any Christians agreeing with them and commenting on here about it, not only am I going to delete the post, but I'm going to see to it that you're ass-raped by some burly guy. You heard me.

Until next time,
The world would be a lot better off without these assholes. DEATH TO THE IGNORANT!
~Kataron

Ch-Check It Out

Wherd.

I fucking love tacos. Tacos rule. Had about...five for dinner. Nobody else in my family ate more than two :S Freaks. TACOS! I rarely get tacos, as you can probably tell. Love them!

I have now officially challenged Jared. To...An unclean-off! We're going to see just how long we can go without bathing before our parents force us to. The one that can put off bathing the longest wins! God, this is how we're going to live when we're living together...Just without people telling us to bathe. Unless I get a new girlfriend. HAHAHAHAHA. Like that's gonna happen. Oh, I crack me up. Anyways...The unclean off hasn't officially begun yet. 'cause I bathed last night, Jared's going tonight. We don't want to start on different days, and I refuse to bathe again tonight. We'd start it Sunday, which is when I plan on bathing next, but...School ends too soon after that. It's gotta be right after we get back. We can really kick off the new semester :D

Yeah. I'm wired right now, if you can't tell. Booooooyah. I feel like...making fire. I'm starting to have some very homocidal fantasies. It's fun. I can really clearly imagine people burning to death, or being shot. Especially when they PISS ME OFF. If I had a gun...Oh, if I had a gun...Well, I'd probably flip out on the first person to piss me off. Today, that was some asshole, that I don't even know the name of. I was wandering in the morning, and the cocksucker hit me with a rolled up magazine. Pissed me off so much. I walked back there a short time later, and he was gone. I was gonna punch him in the stomach. If he makes the mistake of doing that again, I'm gonna get him in the stomach and then probably threaten him and his family. It's just what I do...Bastard. When I get pissed off, I tend to hit things. Jared knows it well. This time I punched a door. Pretty hard, my hand was stinging for about an hour afterwards.

You know what's fun? Masochism. My fingernails have finally grown back. Huzzah! And I like to use the fancy chain I have around my neck, too. The marks that thing leaves....Fun. Masochism prevents me from taking out my anger on people that don't deserve it. Of course, if you're reading this, you probably deserve it, so you're not safe. Not safe at all :)

Yeeep. Well, it seems that some people care. Only took a while to get responses. Rachel replied to the suicide-rant. Not the Rachel that had Jared and I falsely believing her to be the one we know, but the NON-crack-whore one. I just assume the one that posted is a crack whore. Mostly 'cause I love putting those two words together. Crack whore! Sounds cool. Anyways...She replied on here, and Seth told me that my rant done made him cry. THAT, I never meant to make happen. Oh, Seth. It's nice to know that some people care, though. Ah, Seth. Seth's great. Cool name, too. Seeeeeeth. Seth. Soth. Lord Soth. Forsooth! Yeah. Wired....Sorry.

You know what PISSES ME OFF? Yeah, I told you how much people stopping in the halls pisses me off. There's something I found today that angers me even more. People stopping...ON THE STAIRS. What the fuck is wrong with you, you stupid fucking asswipes? Two people stopped RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAIRS to have a discussion today. They were going down, a bunch of people were going up, and a few people were stuck behind them. They didn't look impressed at all. If that ever happened to me, I'd push them. Communist motherfuckers. In case you don't know me very well, communist is my latest and greatest insult, along with wench. Goddamn communist wenches. THE END OF THE STAIRS WAS JUST FIVE STEPS AWAY, WHY THE FUCK COULDN'T YOUR FUCKING CONVERSATION WAIT UNTIL YOU WEREN'T HOLDING UP EVERYONE BEHIND YOU, YOU STUPID-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS?! I hope you die. In fact, if I continue to see this happening, I will make SURE you die.

As Jared knows all too well, I am a very, very, very angry person. I just bottle up all the rage inside and unleash it on people in video games. Of course, I tend to...break things that have to do with the video games, but that's to be expected. They are used to channel my rage, and my rage is just too much for 'em. You should have heard what I was yelling while I played L.A. MachineGuns at Playdium....Oh, I was so fucking angry. Of course, when this happens, I go into a...bloodlust. Everything needs to die. Everything. And I have no regard for my own personal safety, or the safety of my avatar. If I can kill them, and go out in a blaze of glory, then so be it! I also get like this when my partners in video games get killed...Especially if they're played by other people, friends of mine. Bloodlust. Playdium is the best for bloodlust, though. I mean, you FEEL the guns in your hands, you watch the blood splatter...And the music is loud enough to cover up most of the screaming :)

I just need certain times to release my bloodlust onto the world. Then I'm fine. That's why I need a new computer. Doom 3 and Half-Life 2, baby! I'm gonna unleash my bloodlust all over their pansy-asses! I'm gonna shove my shotgun down the throats of those undead cocksuckers in Doom 3, and blow the shit out of those motherfucking aliens in Half-Life 2.

I feel a bloodlust coming on.....I need a good shooting game. Duke Nukem or Doom....Duke Nukem. I'll post again later. Shit needs to die now.

Until next time,
BONZAI, MOTHERFUCKER!
~Kataron

The World

I find it rather interesting...That of all the posts I have made recently, only two have gone completely uncommented. One...Where I had a good day. Buses cancelled, no school. The other...Where I talk about killing myself. The other posts have all been commented on. Yeah...Just kinda bugs me. With all of the people that were commenting on this blog right after I got dumped, I figured at least SOMEBODY would comment on my suicide rant.

Damn you all to hell.

Anyways, another uneventful day. It seemed like a good idea to get out of bed around noon again. So I did. Got up, helped my dad pump oil into the tank we've got out back. That and the wood I brought in yesterday should keep us nice and toasty for a good while. Yep. Then I wandered off to Rick's. Played WoW. Got my druid to level 12. Mostly played around with my new bear form. Finished a couple quests, ended up in a good group. But I'll do a whole rant on groups later in this entry. Came home, and lo and behold! An old friend of my dad dropped by. Pete Tatin. Not sure if that's how you spell his last name, but we haven't seen him in five years. I remember, he, my dad, and two or three other guys were really good fishing buddies. Then one of them died, two moved away, and my dad doesn't really fish much anymore. *shrug* But yeah. Had dinner. Bathed. Watched Monk. Great show. Oh Monk, you obsessive compulsive, you. In this episode he worked undercover in a department store and foiled a bank robbery, while also proving the innocence of his ex-partner from when he was a cop. The guy was accused of stealing drugs, and had been kicked off the force. But yeah. Good times. Bro's watching something stupid up there right now, so I figured I'd come down here and post on my blog. Yep. Not that anybody seems to read it now.

Interesting fact. From what I was told, cops make a single hit for five bullets they fire. Fire five bullets, hit the target once. A kid that plays video games snapped. Brought a gun to school. Fired eight rounds. Hit eight seperate students. Five were head shots. Video games should be in army training and shit. They really help to develop reflexes and the like. But I just thought that was interesting. Eight shots. Five head shots. Beautiful. Just fucking beautiful. Made me want to play more FPS games. Practice.

What next...Ah yes, my group rant. No, not groups like friends that hang out. I don't care about those kind of groups. I'm talking groups in video games, in on-line games like World of Warcraft. There are basically two types of groups. The good, and the bad. I don't particularly like working, because a lot of people out there are complete fuckwits. The kind that constantly ask for help to find things over the general chat channels, when the directions were clearly given in the quest description, which can be accessed at any time. So I don't group very often. It takes a good grouping experience to get me back into it. Like today. I fought my way to Lady Sathrah, a giant spider in the Night Elf forest. So, I fought my way to it, and there was another guy, finishing off one of her guards. She hadn't attacked anybody yet, so neither of us had claimed the kill. I stood there for a moment, figuring I'd let him hit it, then assist him with the kill. Wouldn't count for my quest thing, but it would help him. He asked me if I was here to kill her, I told him I was. He grouped me. We attacked, took her out, and both got the quest loot. I was just about to leave, when he asked me if I had a different quest. I said yes, and he asked me if I wanted to do it with him. I said sure, and we went back to town to sell some stuff. Then we went to the southern part of the island, to where the mob was. The guy even stopped a few times for me to gather some herbs. Then somebody else asked on general if anybody else was doing the quest that we were on. Soon enough, she was in our group. He was a level 11 rogue, she was a level 10 druid, and I was a level 12 druid. We had a great team, we went through and took out all of the mobs in the area. Which was a bunch. Great system. I was, in my bear form, the tank of the group, taking all the damage. The rogue was hitting them and using abilities, dealing most of the damage, and the other druid, who didn't have her bear form yet, cast spells, healing us and damaging the enemy. We ended up killing the quest mob twice, just because it respawned. Then I had to leave, so I thanked them for their help and wished them luck. THAT is a good group.

Now, a bad group...Rick had one of those today. More people in it, too. My group had been three people, including myself. His was...five or so, including him. All lower levels than he was. Some members were getting items that they couldn't use and not giving them to those that COULD use them, and others were pulling mobs when they shouldn't have been. Pulling a mob simply means to lead them away from the main group, so that you can deal with them individually, instead of having to kill half a dozen of them at once. Anyways, because of their stupidity, three enemies were drawn instead of one, all more powerful than most individual members of the group. They took out two, but they were all attacking Rick, since he had the most aggro. Aggro is aggresiveness towards players, earned by hitting them and using special abilities. Enemies attack the players with the most aggro. Get it? So, Rick was being attacked. Two enemies killed, one left. Full health, and Rick had very little health and very little aggro from it. He ran around the other members of his group a few times, nobody did anything. He was being attacked, and he was killed. One was looting another corpse, one was just....standing there, and one was healing HIMSELF. He had almost full health, and he was healing himself! So Rick died. Got pissed off and left the group. Personally, I would have sworn at them some before leaving. But I'm just angry and bitter. That is an example of a BAD group.

Too many fucking n00bs on that game. I mean, I don't know everything, but I won't bug people on the general chat channels just to find a mob that I already have directions to. I might ask Rick, but that's because the boy is an encylopedia of Video Game Knowledge. The stupid n00bs bug people to find EVERY LITTLE THING, they don't even bother to look, and they use those stupid fucking words that only n00bs use. 'any1' '2' '!!11one', they NEVER use punctuation, AT ALL, and they don't capitalize anything. Stupid ignorant bastards. They all need to die. And I shall be their angel of death! I just need to find a way to kill them all at once...

Anyways. My brain hurts, so that's the entry for tonight. It's not much, but...Meh.

Until next time,
That Magi-Tech riding bitch!
~Kataron

Illumination

Moo. Not sure why, but moo seemed like an appropriate beginning to this post. Ever notice that the only people that seem to comment on things are the people you don't want to? Yes, that is a not-so-subtle 'fuck-off' to Veronica. And all of you other fuckwits that just post to criticize me. I don't want to fuckin' hear it. So yeah.

Speaking of Veronica, she seems to have moved on already. According to her most recent lj post, which I refuse to comment on 'cept for here, she's supposed to be going to the movies with the guy she fell asleep with. I'm not really surprised. She's that type, to move on quickly. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is up to you. I'd comment more on this, but I need a little more time to think about it.

Yep. Oh, she also said, and I quote, 'I'm not a bitch, I'm just high-maintenance'. This is, in my not-so-humble opinion, untrue. But, just to be polite (not really...just sick of all this shit), I'm not going near that topic again. In fact, I'm just going to try not to mention her at all anymore. Unless she does something to really piss me off, this SHOULD be the last post to mention her. I would appreciate if she would do the same.

Okay...So I might mention her from time to time, if she had something to do with whatever happened to me in whatever day, but I won't dedicate posts as to why she's a bitch...anymore.

ANYWAYS. Time to move on with the post.

I just cleared out all my MSN contacts. Deleted EVERYBODY I have blocked, save for two people. Eric and Rick. Rick, in case I need to contact him sometime, and Eric, 'cause I just blocked him due to a petty argument we were having. Yeah. I had 93 contacts to begin with, and now I'm down to...23. Seventy contacts deleted. Yeesh. Okay, I also deleted the people that I didn't have blocked but never ever ever talk to. Like...The guy I used to hang out with on-line, who hasn't been on MSN in at least a year. And...Other people, that I just don't talk to. Just got sick of the always cluttered list, filled with people I don't want to talk to. Of course, with the ones that I just didn't talk to, I didn't block them, so in case of emergencies, I'm still quite reachable. Not that any emergency would really...you know, require my help...but still.

My day was delightfully uneventful. God, I love weekends. Don't have to deal with all the bullshit at school. Less stress. And, for the most part, people can't piss you off like they can at school. I find it interesting, I seem to only even be acknowledged anymore by certain members of the group, I don't seem to exist to some. Rather entertaining. Only ones that say anything to me at all are Rachel W. and Sarah. Which is good, I guess. Rachel's the only one in the group I really want to maintain a friendship with, and Sarah's just plain all-around cool. But keeping a friendship with her would be rather difficult, considering that she's one of Vero's best friends. But yeah.

Anyways, I'll tell you the events of my delightfully uneventful day. I woke up around noon. Well, to be precise, I woke up at five minutes before noon. Didn't seem appropriate to get up before noon, since I was so close to it. So I thought about stuff. Mainly I thought about throwing fire from my hands and burning shit. Yay fire! Before I knew it, fifteen minutes had passed. I figured I should get up. So I did. Was pretty groggy, though. Then my dad came in. Scared the shit out of me. He was cheerful. That's just fuckin' weird with my dad. Creeped me out. Anyways, after checking email, which was just email notifications of recent...comments on my blog. Checked that, and a few webcomics. White Ninja updated this morning, was rather entertaining. Sadly, though, Squidi doesn't update on weekends anymore. It's a five-a-week webcomic. *sigh* And it's one of my favourites! There was a whole month off in December, no Squidi. Sad times...Came back on January First, though! Fuckin' right! Art's improved. The guy, Sean Howard, used to do it all pixelated, as many webcomics do, but now he's changed, with hand-drawn backgrounds. I'm liking it. But then again, it's Squidi, what's not to like? Anyways, moving on. After email/webcomics, I decided I'd take advantage of my dad's cheery mood and get some lunch. Pizza stuffs from the Purple Pig. 'course, I had to bring in some wood to get it, but I would have had to do that anyway. So I ordered it, including one for my dad, and then spend half an hour bringing in wood. Finished around when it was ready, so I went down and got it. Pizza there is pretty good. But they sell...Pepsi. Pisses me off. I started eating that upstairs, and got caught up in and old movie 'Cloak and Dagger'. Pretty good. Then Rick's, and World of Warcraft. It was far too fucking difficult to get the Bear Form with my Druid. I had to go talk to some guy in the main Night Elf town, who taught me a teleport spell. I had to use it to go to a hard-to-reach area and talk to another guy. He sent me to find a big-ass bear. The bear sent me back to the guy that the first guy sent me to. HE sent me back to the original guy. HE gave me some dust and sent me to a whole new place to use the dust on a crystal in a cave guarded by four or five guys. I slipped past the guys, used the dust, which summoned another enemy, which I had to kill, then I had to talk to his ghost, who sent me back to the first guy again. THEN he gave me the spell. Now I have the spell. I can turn into a bear. Roar!

Also at Rick's, his nephew is there. Well, step-nephew. His step-brother's kid. Little team-killing ass-monkey, that kid is. I fucking hate him. Kid's obsessed with cars, and is so whiny. Constantly bitches about how he can't do stuff. It gets explained to him over and over, and still, NOTHING. He spilled cereal the last time he visited, and when Rick told him to clean it up, he said, AND I QUOTE, 'I don't know how'. But yeah. Kid pisses me off. About a month ago or so, kid tried to throw a rock at my head. Well, he DID throw a rock at my head, he just...you know, missed. Bastard.

Anyways....As I say so often on this blog, you know what pisses me off? When people stop in the middle of the hall. They've got their reasons. Parting with friends, etc. But I just don't care. I don't give a flying fuck what your reasons for doing it are. Don't stop in the middle of the hall. It's all right if there's nobody around, but these people do it right at the busiest times, like the end of lunch, short times between classes. I like to just push through them. They deserve it. The worst is when the stop RIGHT in front of doors. What the fuck are you thinking? Why do you stop THERE?!?! Why can't you stop just a short distance AFTER the doors? What, is that so far out of your way? Does that disrupt your schedule so much that it's worth blocking everybody behind you as they try to continue on with their days? I mean, you must be fucking stupid. I'm obsessed with moving quickly in halls. I'm obsessive-compulsive with timing. Without my watch, I'm lost. Completely lost. Everything needs to be EXACT. For people to just STOP, and disrupt my time, and the timing of EVERYBODY ELSE BEHIND THEM just pisses me off so much.

You know what also sucks? Getting caught behind slow people in the halls. I'm in a fucking hurry. I hate getting caught up behind slow people. Especially fat ones. Usually tend to be women. I mean, with the fat women, it's a hell of a lot harder to find space to move around them, so you can get in front of them. They usually travel in packs, so two fat people blocking 3/4 of the hall or so, then people coming from the other direction blocking the other quarter. You have to find a very definate break in the oncoming people to get by. It's just annoying. It's like...I'm moving at a good speed. Got it goin' pretty good. Then BAM. Have to slow to half my speed to walk behind these fuckwits. DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

So. They've landed a probe on one of Saturn's moons. Apparantly, this moon has a rocky surface, with large seas of liquid methane. I'm a nerd, I thought that was pretty cool. Until I saw another little detail. 3.3 BILLION DOLLARS. They spent 3.3 BILLION DOLLARS to get to the MOON of another planet. What the fuck are you people thinking? Why can't that money go towards something that MATTERS to our society? Why don't you put it towards the school systems, police forces, homeless support, something that can make a difference? Cool, Saturn's moon has a rocky surface and seas of liquid methane. NOT FUCKING HELPING ANYBODY. But I bet some scientists are just spurting in their pants over it. Congrats, that spurt cost 3.3 billion dollars! I think it's kinda cool and all, but it's still a waste of money. Way to go, NASA. You've wasted 3.3 billion dollars to discover a rocky surface and some liquid methane. It's just a fucking moon. You find life on Mars, then I'll be excited. Until then, try to spend the money on things that affect life on THIS planet.

Dammit, now I'm pissed off. Fucking NASA. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm a nerd. A sci-fi and computers nerd. I love that space stuff, but 3.3 billion dollars? Yeesh.

Anyways...Not really sure what else needs ranting tonight. Still have some major projects what need doin'. But we all know that I'm just going back over to Rick's for more WoW tomorrow. Can't deny it.

You know what's a good band? Thievery Corporation. I dl'ed some of their stuff a couple days ago. Fuckin' awesome. I suggest Lebanese Blonde, if you're gonna download anything. Good shit. I also have Illumination, Shadows of Ourselves, and one of their albums. James made me dl it. I was skeptical, then he told me that Mr. C had played it during class. He played some awesome music in class, that man. He was a GREAT sub for Mr. Vidug during those three weeks....I mean, DAMN. So cool.

Too low to find my way....
Too high to wonder why...

Good music. DL it. Now. Crom demands it!

I just figured out how to make links in my post. Well, not so much just figured out as just decided that I wanted to do so. Never really cared enough before. Now I'll try to link more of my posts to stuff, like webcomics. Yay webcomics!

What's that? Play an old SNES rom? You're the boss, little voice in my head! Which one? Oh, okay. FF6/FF3 it is.

Until next time,
The secret of eternal life is to avoid death at all costs.
~Kataron

Lebanese Blonde

Greetings all. I told you I'd post again, and I am. That's right. The last post I made, I was rather angry when I did it, so yeah. I refuse to take it down or edit it or anything, though. I stick by my angry words! And I've got a couple things what need rantin'.

First off...Fake Christians. This topic came up while talking to Eric during the forty-five minute in-the-fucking-cold wait for the people that run the youth group to get their with the fucking keys. Grr...But we started talking about fake Christians. I used the term 'Pseudo-Christians', but I'm not entirely sure what the word 'pseudo' means, and I'm too lazy to get a definition. But yeah, you all know them. Hell, some of you -are- them. The people that like to refer to themselves as Christians, while practicing things that go against Christianity. Now, I'm not Christian. I'm not religious at all. I tend to think that most religious people are deluded, and stupid, to put their faith in something that may not exist. The ones that piss me off are the REALLY deluded ones, but I'll get into that later. Back to the Pseudo-Christians. Think hard, think if you know any. The ones that tell you they're Christian. Attend church, and church-run events. Read the Bible, and know shit (I stand by my choice of wording, so fsck you) from it. But they just skip over certain parts, as if they don't apply to them. As if they're exempt from that somehow, but still a Christian. Still going to heaven, still loving God and all that crap. These are the ones that have their own version of the religion. Basically, they can do what they want, even if it's explicitly mentioned in the bible as a no-no, and yet they won't be punished, not by their logic. Because, since they're clearly right, and the millions of other people that follow other schools of Christianity are wrong. It doesn't matter what I do, as long as I don't . God still loves me, I'm going to heaven. Riiiiiiight...

I don't understand how one religion, like Christianity, can be split into so many sects. Divorce, no divorce, ect ect. Which is right? And the only difference between some of these sects and Pseudo-Christians is that the sects have more people following them. It's just retarded. But I still hate Pseudo-Christians.

I also hate those fuckwits that rely on God for everything. You know the type...The kind that figure that no matter what they do, as long as they love God, they'll be fine and fuckin' dandy. The kind that have no plans for the future, no job opportunities, nothing like that, just faith that their God will make stuff good for them. Yeah....You wanna make something of yourself in life? Get your finger out of your ass and do something about it. Your God won't give you a good life if you're just gonna sit around and love him and all that. But what bugs me is that people would disagree with me there. Oh, it doesn't matter how they live, they live with God's love, blah blah blah. Yeah, that's fuckin' great. God's love won't put a roof over your head, won't put food in your stomach, not for everybody that's out there on the street and still loving him. Doesn't matter that they're living on the street. 'cause they've got a higher power on their side! Blind faith isn't enough, dammit. Maybe there is a God out there, I don't know. But I don't think he'd be giving you all that much help if you're not going to put any effort into it. I heard somewhere that 'God helps those who help themselves'. So like I said, get your finger out of your ass and do something with your life.

I also dislike missionaries. Still. I know, I've talked about this in the past, but I just hate that. Hate it, hate it, hate it. No real reasons. Some of my friends want to become missionaries. I think it's a waste of time and effort, but I've already spoken about this, and I don't want any comments to be about how I dislike missionaries, 'cause this is a very SMALL part of my post.

Moving on...

There was a presentation in my fourth period class today about depression. It was amusing, while the girl was reading all of the symptoms of depression, how you could recognize it, I was just thinking...'That's me. That's me. That's me. Never TRIED to kill myself, but the rest is me'. Actually made me laugh in class. Got a couple weird looks. At the end, she was asking for questions, comments, or experiences with depression. She hadn't had much to present, and I took pity on her, since nobody else was really saying anything. Nobody wanted to reveal anything. What the fuck do I have to hide? I'm depressed, I don't give a fuck if people know it. I raised my hand, and told them my tale. Prompted a class discussion, with a few of the people talking -just- to me. I was told about all the help stuff I could get, etc, etc. I asked why I should bother. I despise the idea of seeing psychologists and people like that. Why the fuck should I open myself up to somebody who's just paid to listen, and make judgements? Is that not just...paying somebody to give a damn? Besides, I hate opening myself up to people. Hate it, hate it, HATE IT. This blog is the only place that I open up at all, 'cept with a few very good friends. And lo and behold, the place where I open up the most is where I am criticized for it. For my 'Simple Plan' whining. Fuck you. Just fuck you. This blog is one of the things that's helping me get my emotions out in writing, and if I whine, so what? I'm not making you read it, I'm not asking you to read it. You could just ignore it if you wanted. It wouldn't make a goddamn difference to me, because I do this just so I can get stuff off my back. I almost -always- feel better right after I've done a nice long post on here, gotten all the emotions out of me. It's a hell of a lot more healthy than bottling it all up, which is what I used to do. And still do, with some of my emotions. This blog, and a couple good friends, are what's keeping me alive right now. Jared made a comment the other day, in response to one by Rachel. Wasn't very pleasant to the girl, but DAMN. Freaked me out how much it hit the mark. Then again, he knows me better than anybody. But I recall nothing of actually telling him of the times when I've cried myself to sleep and all that. I'm pretty sure I've NEVER mentioned a single occurance of thinking about drowning myself while in the bath. Yet I do...I'll admit it. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count. And almost every time I bathe, I think about slipping under. Gone so far as to submerge my head a few times, but always had to come up for air. Wasn't ready to leave this world behind. Not...yet.

You know what? Let's talk about suicide. That was another topic that a presentation in fourth period was about, a couple days ago. Jared mentioned it in the comment he did the other day. I read it this morning. It really freaked me out. I didn't think he was going to talk about me killing myself. So let's talk about it, shall we? I won't lie, I won't try to hide it. I'm not proud of it, but I think about suicide. A lot. I don't think even a day goes by when the phrase, the EXACT phrase, 'Maybe I should just kill myself...' goes through my head. The sad thing is, I'm used to feeling this way. It's normal to me. Suicidal thoughts are normal...Oh joy. I should probably seek help, go to therapy or something. But I won't. It's as simple as that. I won't. These are my problems, and I'm going to deal with them my way. You wanna know why I'm still around? Let's start at the beginning, when the depression REALLy started hitting me, last year. Back then, it wasn't a matter of 'Should I kill myself?'. It was a matter of HOW I should do it, WHEN I should do it. There was no maybe in whether or not I was going to do it. Hell yeah, I was gonna kill myself! Then I got my internet back, and found my first girlfriend. To those of you that feel on-line relationships count, just stop reading now. You're a fuckwit. On-line relationships are much more emotional than normal ones, because you ONLY have the emotional aspects, you don't have physical things getting in the way. The physical things can be very fun, but emotional commitment is more important in a relationship. Anyways...I cheered up some. Love and all. Then...it went away. I wasn't hurt too badly. Relationship on ended terms, and I'm still friends with her now. In fact, I just gave her the url to this blog a couple days ago. Anyways, after that, suicide has never been a...sure thing. It became a question of whether or not I should. Then I got with Eva...Six months, that one lasted. Once again, love and on-line relationships...Of course, she seemed to have a very fucked up view on love. The kind where she cheated on me after six months, hurt me constantly before then, and then broke up with me when I gave her another chance. I would have ended it earlier, but I was a fool. I was in love. The depression came back while I was with her, but I -think- I hid it well enough, for the most part. Although Jared invented a word to do with the negative aspects of love, the ones that make you feel like shit. Ickmus, he dubbed it. I had a lot of Ickmus back then. Then there was Vero. Relationships seemed to keep the thoughts of suicide out of my head. During the good times, anyways. During the bad times, the thoughts were just more frequent, and harder to ignore. The first week getting back to school after Christmas Break was horrible. Feeling constantly ignored by Vero. She'd already given up at that point, it seemed. Which left me to my thoughts. But I'm not going to hide it. I think about it every day. Every day, living is a challenge that I have to overcome. Finding the will to go on, when nothing seems to matter. Finding the will to go on, because you know that the -very- few people that you care about would be devastated. Jared said himself, in his comment, that if I killed myself, he probably wouldn't talk to anybody at school anymore, except for teachers. And I believe he would. Personally, I don't think I'd be able to go on if I lost him. Then again, I'm suicidal already. He's just an anchor, keeping me firmly in place, and alive. Well, I shouldn't say he's -just- an anchor. Seems rather disrespectful to use the word 'just' in that case. But no matter, he's the main reason I'm still alive. Want to hear something sad? Back when suicide wasn't a question of whether or not I should do it, I thought about what events would follow my death. I could not imagine a single person I know crying over my death. I literally could not. I tried. I spend HOURS trying. But nothing. Abso-fucking-nothing. It took an emotional talk with Jared, where the subject was directly mentioned, for me to be able to picture him crying. I'm not saying that I don't think people -would- cry. It just...wasn't real to me. I couldn't see it.

But yeah. I think that's enough talking about suicide for now. Kind of a taboo subject. Jared said I was 'putting himself through hellfire just to stay around'. I had never really thought about it like that. It made me realize what a challenge it really is for me to just keep going, and live each day. To get out of bed in the morning. Not to slip under the water. Not to walk into traffic. Not to grab a bottle of pills. But it -is- a challenge. Every day I wonder why I do it. Every day, I come up empty. Like I've said before, I'm just looking for a reason. A reason to live. A reason to face each new day, each new challenge. Just a reason. It's a lot harder to find than one might think.

But I think I've ranted enough for tonight...I'm going to go now. There's a couple things I want to do, and I feel rather tired. But I've completed another blog entry. Got something off my chest that I've wanted to say for a while. I feel a lot better than I did when I started. A hell of a lot better. If you still think of this as Simple Plan whining, then fine. You're entitled to your opinion. Just keep it to yourself. You can criticize this if you want. Doesn't much matter to me. If you want to call me a whiny child, then do so. I don't expect you to understand, and it just plain doesn't matter to me. This blog isn't for your understanding.

Until next time,
It's for my survival.
~Kataron

Shadows Of Ourselves

You know what? When I first asked Vero out, I didn't realize how much of a bitch she is. Now, I don't want to hear anybody making comments and arguing about that. If you do, I'll just delete them. I don't want to hear about how she's not a bitch, you know her better than I do, blah blah fucking blah. I don't care if you've been best friends with her for years. If I'm offending you, then get the fuck off my blog, and stay the fuck off my blog, you stupid little shit.

As you can tell, I'm rather pissed off at the moment. As per Vero's second-last post (at the moment, anyway), I was told to 'Keep your damn, lame ass, SimplePlan whining to your own blog puh-leeze and thank you!'. So yeah. A fuck it, I'm just staying off the bitch's livejournal altogether. Simple Plan whining, fuck you. They were talking about ME, and objectivity towards ME, which is complete bullshit. They were talking about how Jared how no objectivity since he's my best friend. Yeah, it's a lot more fair for people that know absolutely nothing about me to judge me than the person that knows me best. Yeah, that's fair. Even Sarah, whom I've known at school for quite some time now, had no idea I was like this until she started reading my blog. And if you think I say everything on here, you're wrong. There's a few things I won't even post on here, because I don't want anybody to know them. Especially when I seem to have a bunch of complete morons reading my blog.

I'm tired of writing this. I'll probably update later. But be warned, anybody that reads this. Comparing the contents of my blog to shitty, SHITTY bands is very, very bad for your health. So next time you get the urge to, just take that into consideration first.

Until next time,
At least it's the weekend...
~Kataron

Silence

Well, like I said last night that if you wanted a depressed post, you'd get it, and by God, you're going to get it. Nobody even commented on the post where I was less depressed.

Speaking of comments, I've been accused of deleting a comment made by Vero. Anonymously. All the warnings I've been giving people about not leaving names, and I get blamed for deleting a comment that had no name. I haven't even deleted any comments yet. But if you people keep pissing me off, I might just turn off anonymous posting. Then only those with accounts could post. Then Jared'd need an account, but still. It pisses me off when people blame me for things I didn't do.

And apparently, she broke up with me because I was dragging her down by being depressed. Geez, I'm fucking sorry that I'm so depressed. You people that think you know me. Apparently, it was assumed by some people that I was happy, energetic and sarcastic, UNTIL THEY READ THIS BLOG. I can put on a pretty good act, can't I? If it weren't for this blog, nobody would have a clue what I was thinking, how I was feeling. Because I don't tell people. I don't like opening up to people. But strangely enough, I can open up on here. I can say whatever I want, talk about how I feel, talk about things that are bugging me. There was a short class discussion in my 'ologies class today about depression, and it was mentioned how keeping a journal or something can help, to get these feelings off your chest, to put them into writing. That's what this is for. Yet, because of how depressed I am on here, this blog is probably a big part of why the relationship ended. Does it really matter? It would have ended anyway. I would have liked if it had ended on better terms, but I can be quite the asshole when I'm emotional. More-so than usual. Which is WHY I've been an asshole to people lately. But honestly. The relationship wouldn't have worked out. If it had lasted any longer, I would have been incredibly pissed off by hearing that she decided to dance with a bunch of guys without her shirt on. I don't really think whether or not I was depressed around her would have any effect on that. She'd be depressed if she were me, too.

Sad thing is, her happiness was a lot of what I thought about when we were together. Spending ages trying to find the perfect Christmas present, when I got nothing in return. Calling her when I hadn't spoken to her for a while, to see how she was doing, and try to get together with her. I just never took my happiness into account for any of it. I'm used to being depressed, I've lived with it constantly for quite some time. Over a year now, anyways. It's pretty much constant. Brief bits of being happy, but that never lasts. Oh, no, that can never last. As soon as that happens, something big and bad surfaces and fucks everything up. It's how it always seems to play out. Had I known that I was depressing Vero by BEING depressed, I would have put forth a concious effort to seem more happy around her, so that it wouldn't bug her. Because my happiness has never really mattered to me. Not when I have somebody else who is important to me that I want to make happy. Now I'm back to me, I guess. I can be as selfish and mean as I want. Doesn't matter.

And if people can't handle how I really am, then why should I care? It's not my fault I'm like this. There isn't much I can do to change who I am. I am me. I could probably change some, and I've been encouraged by...certain people...to seek help and all that stuff, but I really don't want help. If I can't work this out by myself, then I'll live with it. It shouldn't be affecting other people. It's my problem, people shouldn't worry about me or try and make me happy. Sometimes, people put forth an effort to make me happy, at the sacrifice of their own happiness. That just makes me feel worse! I'm used to suffering, other people don't have to. Honestly. If it will upset you to try and make me happy, if you have to sacrifice anything, just DON'T. I'm not worth it. Soooooooo not worth it.

Well, I had an...okay day at school, I guess...Saw Vero a few times, though. I didn't think it would affect me. I thought I'd be able to just walk by. The first time I saw her was in the E.L. Fox hall, where she seemed to have just been arriving at school. I had been singing along to my music, snapping my fingers along with it too, but after I saw her, it just didn't seem to matter anymore. When I see her now, I get an odd sensation in the very pit of my stomach. It feels heavy. It feels like concentrated despair in the pit of my stomach, which then spreads throughout my entire body. That's how it felt when I first saw her today. The next time was when I walked by the locker, shortly after that happened. God, -that- was a mistake. The feeling again. Worse this time. But also...anger? I sped up my movements as I passed, not wanting to be there. Punched a door open at the end of the hall. Hurt like a bitch, and didn't relieve any stress or anger. Then I saw her again between second and third. I think I'm just gonna take the long way around, and not pass by there. I didn't so much hear her as I heard her voice...Once again, events in second had cheered me up, but the mere sound of her voice took that all away. As I got to third, I fixed the mask, so I didn't look as unhappy as I was. Not that Mitch would have noticed or cared in his non-medicated state. Watched a movie. Gave me some time to think. And if you've read much of my blog, you know that's not good. That's -never- good. The last time I saw her today was at lunch, going to my locker as she left the Comm. Tech room. Maybe I'll just meet Jared somewhere else, I don't really wanna have to see her there every day. But yeah. That time wasn't as bad, because by then, I was completely caffeinated, and talking to Rick about video games. The other times, I'd been alone. I guess that can make all the difference.

I'm really not entirely sure how to describe what Vero makes me feel now. It's not good, I can tell you that right off the bat. Whenever I see her, I feel...I feel like I'm a failure. I feel like I failed at that relationship, like I failed her. And I did. I feel so weak, so helpless. So alone. Like I said, I actually feel something in the pit of my stomach. It feels so heavy, just weighing me down...I feel like nothing I do matters, because it's always going to end up the same. I wonder why I bother, why I even make my half-assed attempts. I feel like a jerk, like nobody would ever really want to be with me. All that and more. And people wonder why I don't hang out at the locker, why I don't associate with the group much anymore. I don't particularly enjoy feeling like shit. So yeah.

I wonder how long it will take for these feeling to go away. How long it will take for me to be able to see her again and not feel like shit. She said in her most recent livejournal entry : 'Though I'm going to start dating again even faster than last time'. I guess it's easier for people like her to move on. I'm not going to start dating again for a while. I'm tired of being hurt. And Jared's also threatened to hit me in the face with a shovel if I try to get into anything with somebody else that's going to hurt me. It was a dumb idea ever getting involved with Vero anyway. Now that I think about it, she seems like the same type of person as Eva.

Grr. My parents now know of my breakup. I didn't tell them until now for a reason, my dad keeps asking if I want to talk about it. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY NO?!?! For fuck's sake, old man, just shut up! If I wanted to fucking talk about it, I would have told you when it happened! Yergh.

Yeah. I'm done with this. I wonder if I'll get comments again, now that the post has been depressing. Bastards.

Until next time,
I fucking hate the French. Snail-sucking pricks.
~Kataron

Aria de Mezzo Caraterre

My blog is becoming a fucking forum. Who knew getting dumped would boost the number of posts my blog gets? I should do it more often. Oh, maybe I should get dumped whenever I have something that I WANT replied to, so that I'll actually get replies I want!

But then again, I'd probably get a lot of what I'm getting now...Fuckwits. If you're here to say that I'm a sad little man, that I just want your attention, then don't read my fucking blog. I'm not tying you down and forcing you to read it. If you're just going to mock me, basically tell me to 'get a life', as that one fuckwit the other day did, then I don't want to hear it. Get off my blog, stay the hell away from it.

Basically...Either leave your name and say something that isn't in mocking of me, the one who can delete your posts, or fuck off. Your choice.

But I'm getting REALLY sick of people. In general. Where were you when I posted a chapter of a story I'm writing on here, begging people to respond? The only comment I can remember getting was from Seth, who I actually had to ask to go onto my blog and comment on it. But yeah, where were you then? I haven't bothered with the next bit of the story because there just doesn't seem to be any point. Maybe if I did it now, I'd get comments.

Which reminds me, Jared, I need you to fix the html on here, to add the link to the first chapter to the sidebar. I DO intend to keep working on that at some point, whenever I decide that I've got nothing better to do. So yeah.

I actually had a GOOD day today. Despite the fuckwit who's commented I answered this morning, it was great. Went over to Rick's. Played Video Games. All day long. There's nothing better to relieve stress than taking control of a giant robot and smashing things to pieces, or taking control of a character that has the power of nature at their beck and call, to heal or hurt anyone that crosses your path. That's a stress-reliever right there. Probably not good when you're putting faces onto the enemies, though...Damn you, Bob.

But yeah. One of the few good days I've had in a while. This and Saturday have been the only good days I've had since...Well, part-way through Christmas Break.

I love not having to go to school. But just a week ago, I would have been bothered by it. I realized this today. Last week, I would have wanted to go to school, because I thought I had a girlfriend that cared about me there. Now I don't. Just an interesting little point that rose up today while I was blowing the shit out of puny little people while riding in a giant robot.

Yep. But I think the -best- part about today was not having to deal with anybody. Didn't have to avoid certain places, didn't have to talk with people, didn't have to see people, didn't have to avert my gaze when some people were walking in the opposite direction as me down the same hall. None of that. I just...didn't have to deal with it. So much easier.

And don't spout any bullshit about how I don't have to do that stuff if I don't want to. I don't have to look away, I don't have to stay away from the locker and under the stairs, blah, blah, blah. If you honestly believe that, then you don't know me at all. I may return to the locker at some point. But I just need time. Time and caffeine.

I'm sick of people bitching at me about my caffeine addiction. Especially whichever fuckwad decided to comment today on my caffeine addiction and then not leave a name. Congrats, you've realized that I'm a hypocrite. You're good. You're like Sherlock FUCKING Holmes! You clearly don't know me at all.

You know what bugs me? Bad grammar. God, how it angers me. Not just annoys. It makes me ANGRY. Makes me want to smack people and make them regret saying whatever they said. If you're gonna talk to me, and use bad grammar, I'm not going to take anything you say seriously. In fact, I'm probably going to make a mental note to smack you next time I see you.

I'm pissed off. Pissed off because I have NO idea who reads my blog. All you people commenting without names. LEAVE YOUR FUCKING NAMES, OR DON'T FUCKING COMMENT. That doesn't go for you, Jared, because I know when it's you commenting. The rest of you, I don't have a fucking clue. Could be some random person I've never met, could be somebody from the group, could be ANYBODY. And if I don't know, then I don't want your opinion.

Blargh. I wonder if the comments will go down once I'm not 'bitching about being depressed'. Because I DO talk about other things than that. You people just decided to start commenting right at that point. Thanks.

If you're just here to critique me on how bitchy I am and how I whine about being depressed, there'll probably be an entry right up your alley tomorrow night, after I've had a day at school. I bet you're just fucking trembling with anticipation, aren't you?

Well, there goes another person I was talking to on MSN. Back to this...

I really, really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I HATE these last few weeks before exams. Everything is coming to an end, everything is due, all loose ends have to be tied up or you FAIL! I'm getting 31% in Comm. Tech. right now, 'cause I didn't hand stuff in. If I finish and hand in ONE assignment, my mark pretty much INSANTLY becomes what I get on the assignment. Plus I've got another roll of film to take, I need to get ten good pictures, I need to do a final project...So...overwhelmed...And that's just ONE course. Fucking wonderful. I also have reports to write for Data Management and 'ologies. The kind of reports that are mandatory and I fail if I don't write. The kind of reports that I've had since the beginning of the semester to do but haven't started yet. DAMN YOU, END OF SEMESTER! It's just fucking stupid for teachers to give you your final project early on. Then you have no motivation. No reason to finish it. It's not due for ages, right? Why waste your time? ARGH!

Fucking assignments. I'm getting a 71% in Data Management. How the fuck did I do that? Has the teacher not noticed the complete lack of work that I did all semester? I just sit there, don't even take notes. But I pretty much ace every test. I WOULD ace them completely if I studied, but I don't. It's just too easy. *groan* I mostly just talk to Ryan in that class. Work is over-rated.

But damn. So many assigments. This is the only time of the semester when I get stressed at all. I have to finish those assignments, finish everything I didn't bother to do throughout the semester, AND study for the exam. Where's the fucking justice? Yargh. YARGH. But as soon as it's done, I'll be back to the stress-free me. Stress-Free, but still depressed.

See, what most people don't realize is that I'm always depressed. The reasons just vary.

Anyways, I'm done with this for tonight.

Comment or don't, but I'm deleting any comment without a name that isn't by Jared. You've been warned.

Until next time,
The rolling stone gathers no moss. Fell moss. Fell Beasts. Dungeons and Dragons. Order of the Stick. I like swords.
~Kataron

Overture

My God.

The most amusing thing is that you people actually think you know me. Ha. Ha. Ha.

You people don't know ANYTHING about me. Nothing that isn't clearly evident. Oh, he's addicted to caffeine. Likes computers. Depressed kinda guy. Oh, YOU'RE GOOD. None of you have EVER been exposed to the real me. Even now, you're only catching glimpses. Only glimpses.
Did you think I was joking when I said that if you knew the true me, you'd never even want to speak to me again? I know I said that. But I guess none of you took it seriously.

Maybe I AM an asshole. Maybe I've always been. Maybe you just haven't noticed. Or maybe...Just maybe, folks...I've been doing a damn good job of keeping it hidden. But it looks like it's out! Yes, sirree, I'M AN ASSHOLE. Hi, I'm the Real Nate. Nice to fuckin' meet you. But not really. Nice, that is. Not really nice.

Honestly, people. You just don't understand. You insist on offering me help that I don't want. I'm anti-social. Oh, what's that, you know me, and I'm not? Hi, I'm the Real Nate. I'm anti-social. I hate people. HATE them. I don't like groups. Maybe I just prefer to be alone, wandering the halls.

I recieved an email from Rachel today. Kinda pissed me off. Not gonna bother replying to it, if she wants to read what I have to say, I can say it here.

You know, maybe I didn't acknowledge you because I don't care. Or...MAYBE I COULDN'T HEAR YOU. You know, I have a discman now, which I use to ignore everything around me. Unless you're gonna walk up and tap me on the shoulder, don't expect me to reply to you. So yeah. But don't make assumptions about me. NEVER FUCKING MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. Because you don't understand me one bit. You haven't the slightest clue what goes on in my mind. What horrible, horrible things I think. If you only knew...If you only knew.

But let's see, what point to address next? Basically, the first paragraph of the email accuses me of acting like a moron, and being selfish. Oh, no. I am a moron. I'm perfectly entitled to act like one. And I can be selfish too. Who the fuck isn't these days?

Righty-o, second paragraph seems to be going on about how people care about me, and I just don't want to realize it. I'll just quote a line here...

'Honestly, whathave you got to lose in thinking people care for you?'

You act like this is my choice. Like I have control over the way I perceieve things. What, do you honestly think that I enjoy thinking that nobody cares about me? I don't -enjoy- being depressed, you know. But it's how I am. I've been dealing with it for long enough, I'll work it out on my own. I don't want people to help me, I don't want to look for help, I want to figure this out on my own. If I'm going to sort out my emotions, I might as well do it on my own.

Third paragraph telling me to accept that people care about me. Back to what I just said, I have no control over how my mind percieves things. Neither do you. Any control you decide that you have is merely an illusion. Your mind has ultimate control over you. You can't fight who you are. You either have to deal with it or don't. Whatever.

You're telling me that you care about me, Rachel. It's not that I don't think you're sincere. I...believe that you care about me. You care about me, but you don't understand who I am. I can accept the fact that you care about me, though. But...I don't feel it. I can accept it, I can believe it, but I can't FEEL that you care about me. Maybe that's my problem here. I believe it. My concious believes it. But maybe my subconcious just doesn't. I'm sorry.

I'm going to stop going through this paragraph by paragraph, it just feels plain rude to be doing it now, since she sent the email to me, for ME to read. But I still need to finish addressing the points, because more than one person seems to be feeling this way, so I might as well do it like this.

You people really just don't understand. You try to convince me that I'm not a terrible person, but you try to convince me without knowing the real me. The only way you can really understand what I'm going through, how I feel, what I think, is to know the real me. The way things are now, none of you are ever going to get that opportunity.

Yeah, yeah, I know nobody TOLD me that I wasn't welcome at the locker or under the stairs. But maybe I just don't want to deal with any of you. Maybe I don't want to deal with her. Maybe I need to sort out my own emotions before I decide what to do next. And maybe YOU shouldn't make assumptions about something you know jack shit about.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly...open...with my feelings. I don't let people in. And that's the way I like it. You want in? Too bad. I don't let people in for a reason. I've been hurt. I've hurt others. I'm not like any of you. Well...Not like most of you, I know Jared's going to be reading this too.

You want to know what I'm really like? I'm inconsiderate, I'm rude, I'm immature. I care only for myself and for those few people I consider 'allies'. The rest of you are sub-friends. Yes, that's not fair to you, but that's how I work. The fewer people I care about, the fewer people can hurt me. Don't give me any bullshit about how you wouldn't hurt me if I let you in. I've heard that all too many times. I've been betrayed too many times. Maybe I'm just not ready. Maybe I won't ever be. I'm honestly surprised it's taken you people this long to catch on. Catch on that maybe I'm not what I seem to be. Catch on that it's just a mask, because as bad as I am now, I'm even worse inside. The very few of you that will ever get close enough to me to be able to hurt me will never be forgotten. Those of you that get that close and hurt me will regret it.

This concludes your sneak peak of the real me. Don't argue with anything I said there, because you don't know what you're talking about if you do.

I plan on asking something to the girl that sits behind me in fourth period. She and I have short discussions about my caffeine addiction. Had one today. Tomorrow, I'm going to ask her if I seem happy to her. If she answers yes, then I'll tell her that that's why I do it. That's why I drink Coke, that's why I have this addiction. It's just another mask, to hide my true self.

You try to tell me that I'm not a horrible person. What do you know? You try to tell me that people care about me. Why should they? You try to tell me that I'm the only person I think about. What do you know of what I think, of how I feel?

Don't tell me that I'm the only person I think about. Just don't. You're wrong. Just because I'm an ass and don't believe that you care about me doesn't mean I don't care about you. I just do things my own way. My way doesn't always work the best, but it's mine.

I have no loyalties. None. Not even to myself.

I just need time. Time to...To create a new mask. To find a new way to hide my true self. Time to sort out what I feel, time to work out all of these thoughts flying around in my head. Time I don't have.

Just...Don't assume things about me. You have no idea. No idea.

Until next time,
If you only knew how many times I day I thought about it.
~Kataron

Mad World

Aye, the most depressing song on my entire playlist.

Well, if you frequent Veronica's livejournal, you probably already know that I've been dumped. I guess I knew it was going to happen eventually. Would you consider it being cheated on when your girlfriend dances with a bunch of guys without her shirt, and with touching? I sure as hell do. Which means that's another girlfriend who's cheated on me. I'm beginning to sense a pattern here...Aren't you? But you know what's amusing? It took ten minutes of prompting to get her to tell me what she'd done. I honestly thought it would be a lot worse. Not that anything could top what happened with Eva...I mean, Vero danced with guys without her shirt on (still had bra), and then fell asleep with some guy. Eva, on the other hand, got fucked by Bob. Oh, Bob, how I despise thee. But yeah. Not much left of my heart to break, so it could have been worse...

I had known that something was wrong. Something was different. Apparently, over the Christmas Break, she realized that she was everything I hate, from the rants I have on here. No compatability there. Yeah. Her feelings for me diminished.

Then she got pissed off at me and blocked me for accusing her of not giving a damn about me. Oh, I'm fucking sorry. I'm sorry I accused you of not giving a damn. I'm sure you gave a damn when you took off your shirt and danced with those guys, I'm sure you gave a damn when you fell asleep with Cameron (no idea who he is, which is probably a good thing for him. I'm a very angry guy), and I'm sure you've given a damn since school started again, where you've been ignoring me. Tell me when in that time you gave a damn.

I suppose the one upside to this is that I can say whatever the fuck I want again on here. I've had to restrain a few things, for fear of hurting my beloved girlfriend. That's not a problem anymore, is it? Hell no. So I'm going to be EVEN MORE OFFENSIVE, EVEN MORE IGNORANT, EVEN MORE OF AN ASS-HOLE, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, I'LL SHOVE A METAL FUCKING POLE UP YOUR ASS! FUCK YOU!

So many emotions...God, I'm shaking. Shaking and holding back the tears...Before the Christmas Break, I was happy. I was actually happy. Happy. That's pretty fucking rare for me. 'course, it never lasts. But what does? I'll tell you what. Hate. Anger. Pain. When all the good emotions are gone, that's all that's left. Maybe that was all that was really there to begin with.

I also told her that the conversation we were having would probably be one of our last. She took it to mean I'm never going to speak to her again. Maybe that's for the best.

But god dammit, I still have feelings for her. I guess it doesn't really matter, though. But that's why I can't talk to her anymore...Which, of course, means that I can't really hang around with the group. Oh well. Not like I fit in there anyway. I mean, really, Jared and I have no place there. A few members of the group, I'd go so far as to say that I despise. But they probably know that. Jared and I are on our own again. Oh well. I can deal with that, and I can think of far worse people to have as company than Jared. At least he understands me.

And here I am, an exile of my own free will. And still holding back the tears...I wonder when they'll become too much to hold back. When I'm lying in bed tonight? Tomorrow at school? I suppose I'll see...Or not see, depending on how many tears come. I'm gonna guess a lot. But I'm becoming desensitized to stuff like this...After Eva, it'll be hard for people to break my heart. Because I won't let them in. I said I was making a consious effort not to fall in love with her. Clearly, it was the right thing to do.

But really, who was I kidding? I should never have even asked her out. Why would a smart, beautiful girl ever really want to be with me? Ha. I was being an idiot, just thinking that. Nobody wants to be with me. And oh fucking well. Three failed relationships and counting. How many can I go for before it all becomes too much? Stay tuned and find out. It'll take a while, though...I'm not planning on getting back into relationships any time soon. But then again, I wasn't planning on it last time, either. We'll see what happens, I guess. But I doubt I'll even find a girl willing to give me a chance for a long time. Not that I'm in a hurry to get hurt again.

But how was my day before that? Shitty. I was depressed in the morning, depressed in first. Cheered up some in second, but that was shattered in the short time between second and third. I won't even bother to say how, it hardly matters. Was depressed in third. Even more-so in fourth. But I guess now I need to find somewhere else to be at lunch...Oh well. Not like I'll be missed under the stairs. I doubt I'll be much missed at the locker, either. Can't avoid it during wandering, though, it's in a pretty central area. If I close my eyes and keep walking, maybe I won't see...Music blaring, I won't hear, either. Doesn't matter. They're more Vero's friends than mine.

Here's the big question. Can I walk past the locker with no tears? I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

*sigh*

I had hoped this relationship wouldn't end like the others. I was a fool. When I spoke to Rachel about how I was feeling like Vero was ignoring me, she told me that Vero cared about my happiness as much as I cared about hers. But I'm guessing not. Ha. As if somebody would really give a damn as to whether or not I'm happy. Very few do, it seems. Jared, Seth...That's about it. Yeah. Pretty pathetic. But hey, I'm a pathetic guy. Very pathetic...

I wonder why I bother with any of this. What does the future hold for me? I doubt it's much. I firmly believe that I'm going to end up all alone. Death by caffeine overdose. No note. Probably a blog entry, though nobody will be reading it anymore by that point. I'll have offended anyone that's even known me.

Being depressed seems to be becoming somewhat of a past-time for me...An unwanted hobby. But then again, I've been depressed on at least some levels since last year. It never truly goes away. I'll always be depressed. All I can hope for are brief stints of happiness. The best I can hope for is temporary relief. Oh joy.

Hrm...It's going to be tiring explaining to people why I'm depressed tomorrow. I'll get tired of saying that my girlfriend dumped me, and even more tired of explaining what happened. In fact, I won't even bother with the second part. Fuck it. It's not like anybody gives a damn anyways.

Dammit. I was supposed to finish those endings and random happenings. Plus the project that was due on Monday. I guess I got a little distracted being dumped. Oh well...

I'm still not sure exactly how to feel right now. But then again, I never am these days. I know I feel hurt. I feel alone. That's about it. What should I feel? Why should I feel?

God dammit, this is boring me. If you're reading this, there's a good chance I'd like you to go fuck yourself, pretty much regardless of who you are.

Until next time...
If only I had a gun.
~Kataron

No song tonight...

Yeah, hi. I'm sick and depressed tonight, so no post.

Sorry.

Until next time,
*vomits*
~Kataron

Jesters Of The Moon

I feel odd. I'm not exactly sure how to feel at this particular moment. I...hadn't spoken to her in at least a month. She was never on-line. But tonight, she was, and started talking to me. Asked me if I had saved any pics or videos that she had made for me, as she deleted all of hers and wanted some if I had them. I, of course, had deleted all of the pictures and videos I had of her. Trying to forget, I guess. But I suppose this means she has somebody new. It's a very strange feeling to think about an ex being with somebody else. Should I feel....happy for her? More-so, I feel sorry for him. But it's still an odd feeling.

I just want to move on. I want to forget. Unfortunately, it's not easy to forget bad things. Like being cheated on, having one's heart broken.

You wanna know what ticks me off? When people try to shift blame and guilt. Right after I got together with Veronica (it still amazes me that she said yes...), I was talking to Eva on MSN. We still talked for a while after all of it, but this was one of our last conversations. I mentioned that I had asked a girl out, because she was flirting with me and making me uncomfortable, and then she got really pissy. Said something about how she 'doesn't get over people she loves as quickly as others do'. Trying to make ME feel guilty for moving on. And it actually worked, it made me feel bad. If she said it now, I'd say something like 'Maybe you would if they cheated on you and broke your heart'. It just pisses me off. Grrr.

Sorry for the ex rant here. Just...her talking to me kind of stirred up memories and emotions. Not of a good nature, either. Jared suggested that I block and delete her. I think I might, but I haven't done it yet. Not sure why. Hasn't really been a problem as of late. It hurts to see her on-line, to have her talk to me...If it happens again, I probably will delete her. Yeah...

But yeah, sorry for the ex rant. I'm done talking about her, about the past. We live in the future. It's a sad thing to say, but we really do. Most people don't give a flying fuck about the present. It's the future that matters...What your marks will be at the end of the year, what school you'll get into, what job you'll get, everything in the future. Even in the future, it's when you'll get the promotion, when you can afford the new thing, all that jazz. And that's another thing, materialism. Invention is the mother of necessity. People don't need things until they're made available. People didn't need a fridge until it was made available, but now everybody has one. Okay, a fridge is a good thing, maybe not a great example, but there's other stuff.

Yeah...

Had a pretty good day today. Hung out with Jared, Rick and Eric, went to Playdium. Discovered the joy of 'Dance Dance Revolution'. Holy shit. That game is AWESOME. And addictive. Also played some good shooting games. Jared and I got our asses handed to us while fighting zombies, but we took out hundreds of them with us. Then I played another shooting game with Rick, and wiped the floor with the enemies. Actually beat the game. Yep. Then I played another one with Jared, some Cop game. We fucking OWNZORED them. BOOYAH! He and I make a kick-ass team. We kicked that Ninja's ass TWICE.

Well, I've been talking with people too much tonight...It's already past 1am, and I haven't finished this. So I'm just gonna give up. Expect something tomorrow, though I'm gonna have to do a lot of work on that project of mine.

Until next time,
Something about people that are paid to try and comfort me just bugs me.
~Kataron

Finally Found A Reason

No, I haven't. That's just the name of the song. Finally Found A Reason. Yep.

Anyways, I'm just here to kill the time 'til Jared gets here. Yep. Then he'll see what I did to his World of Warcraft character....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Yep. Playdium today. I'm excited. Then tomorrow, I have to spend a lot of time working on a project. But it's a presented project, in my 'ologies class, so I just need to rant about Gay and Lesbian support for a while. We'll see how many tangents I can go off on. Yep.

Anywho, I'm already bored of doing this. I'ma go find something to eat. I'll post again tonight, but it will be fairly late, so yeah.

Until next time,
And that's why I hate the French.
~Kataron

smwAthleticDuelEnding2

Man, that's one fucked up song name. I like the song though, so fuck you.

Well, it's been a somewhat interesting night. Youth Group was boring as hell. We're doing some drama dealy, done to crappy parodies of once-good songs, with stupid religious lyrics. The Hotel California parody especially pisses me off, as that's a damn good song.

I play a bunch of minor roles in the drama, but I'm losing interest fast. Apparently, we're gonna be spending the next eight fucking weeks doing this. To try to raise money for the drop-in. Nevermind the cost of costumes, materials, and a price to put on the fun we COULD have been having instead of doing the stupid drama. And I'm sick of them telling me what to do. They can't make me listen to them. I'm going to be impolite, and I'm going to have my discman on in one ear while they're talking, and hell, I might even sing along, but they're damn lucky to have me, as they've just barely got enough people. My roles don't matter, I have minor roles, so I don't see any reason for me to pay all this attention to it. Fuck it.

Stupid Youth Group. It's gotten way shittier since the fuckwits upstairs decided to do some fucking renovations to the building where we'd been having our youth group meetings for...two years, maybe? I dunno. But yeah, they decided to redo everything. Floors, side panels, all this fancy shit, which basically meant that we couldn't play games in there for ages. Now it's been deliberated that we can, but now we've got eight weeks of drama. Forgive me if I'm not enthused.

Rick and I got bored and left early. Went back to his place and played some World of Warcraft. He did some auction stuff, and I got my Mage up to level nine, the level where I can finally use the wand Rick sent me ages ago. Much more powerful than my normal weapon. Long range, too. Then, I wandered somewhere that I definately should not have been...Enemies WAY above my level. I died. Four times. My fault, really. I just kept attacking them after I resurrected. Then, as a ghost, I wandered off to a completely new area. Fun stuff. Much more fun than standing around while people are directed on where to stand, how to move, and what to do for a shitty parody of a good song.

Yep. I'm still not completely sure how I'm feeling. I guess I'm feeling a little better. I discussed my problem with a couple people. Got advice from Jared...I'ma wait a week or two, see if things change. If not, I'll address the problem directly, however difficult that is...Something that will need to be done. I still feel ignored and unwanted, though. Not much is gonna change that.

I decided to make Veronica the Queen of the Undead. She has all of the qualities I deem necessary for a Queen of the Undead to possess. She's manipulative, sadistic, and beautiful. This puts me at a slight disadvantage, though, as she can easily exploit my weaknesses. I'm a teenage male, it should be pretty clear what my weaknesses are. And judging from certain lunch experiences, she knows too. It might not be a good idea to be at war with somebody who has the ability to cause me great pain...down there...with ease, but I'll take my chances.

Speaking of the undead, there's a few more I need to talk about.

Well, you've got the whisps. They're like ghosts, but with less substance. Unable to take a complete form, so they end up being whispy bits of cloudy material. Left unchecked, they can do a lot of damage, but they aren't very powerful. They're more a distraction than anything, but if enough of them get together, they really can do some harm.

Then you've got ghosts. These guys can take on a more substantial form. They're a lot like normal people, but they can walk through walls, fly, and can phase out so that your attacks pass right through them. The downside to this is that if they phase out, they need to phase entirely out. Which means they can't get you either, and they can't remain phased out for a long period of time. They are rather powerful though, and have access to some dark magics that they use mostly to scare people.

Then you've got the Liches. Liches are a lot like vampires, but without the blood-sucking. They're like a cross between vampires and Necromancers, but without the actual ability to raise the dead. They have access to some SERIOUS dark magics, though. Incredibly powerful, elemental attacks, as well as death magic. These guys are best avoided, if at all possible. Like vampires, they are cursed with immortality. Against natural causes, anyway. A sword to the gut can still take one out, if you hit vital areas.

There's also Death Knights. These foul beasts ride horses much like those of the Black Riders of Lord of the Rings. Except with fire. Flaming hooves, with flames coming out the nose and mouth. The horses have the ability to move faster and go farther than normal horses. And the riders, they are truly a force to be reckoned with. They wield large melee weapons, usually swords or axes. Quite often blessed with death magic, these blades are very deadly, and should be feared. But, as with any knight, they really rely on their horses. Dismount them, and they''ll have a much harder time swinging their giant weapons and hitting you. A well-aimed crossbow bolt should be powerful enough to dismount them, but you would have to hit them square in the chest, as the horse was moving.

Plus, there's the giant undead abominations...No, not actual abominations, as in Warcraft 3, but Giant beasts, roughly humanoid but much bigger.

http://www.squidi.net/amd/view.php?id=514

This gives you a rough idea what they look like, but simple cartoons cannot do them justice. Like vampires, they require darkness to function, but unlike vampires, they can level entire towns without much effort. Of course, they're not very smart, but when they're being controlled by a vampire, or a lich, or a nercromancer, they can be fearsome opponents. It is not known how to bring them down, but if you hit anything enough, it'll eventually stop fighting.

These foul undead are also allied with the accursed Drow, the Dark Elves. The Drow dwell in tunnels underground, and are a society of rogues and assassins, nothing like their relations from the forests, the High Elves. They do not use much magic, only that which will assist them in their foul deeds of murder and deciept.

Now, this probably looks hopeless for us. The undead already have a massive army, and more flock to their banners every day. I'll just basically go over a few of those that are on MY side. The side of good. I need an army too, if the undead are gonna have one, right? Right. My army is not as powerful, and we are greatly outnumber, but we shall prevail through superious leadership and defenses!

First off, we have the generic footmen. No real special ability, they use swords, spears, pikes, axes, whatever weapons they deem necessary, although only melee weapons. They are well trained, and will die before refusing orders. Unfortunately for them, I'm the one giving the orders. But their sacrifices will not be in vain.

Next, we have the archers. There's three types of archers, technically. Some use shortbows, with less distance, but a more rapid fire rate, as it is easier to reload. This is the type that...Say, Legolas is. Using bows in more close-quarters combat. There's also the longbow, which is used to fire over much larger distances. Then there's the crossbow, with a very slow reload time, but an excellent distance and power. Instead of going on an arch, these crossbow bolts travel in a much more straight fashion, making them much easier to aim. These archers must compliment the footmen, just as the footmen compliment the archers. The archers do their best to limit the number of enemies that reach the footmen, and the footmen try to prevent the enemies from reaching the archers, who are nearly useless in close combat. Only the shortbow is at all effective here, which is why some archers carry both a shotbow AND a longbow.

After that, there's the knights. We all know knights. Horses, armour, swords, I shouldn't need to describe much. These are the equivalent of the Death Knights, although they only use normal horses and unenchanted weapons. The only advantage the Knights have over the Death Knights are the long weapons to carry, for use in jousting, and knocking enemies off their horses. The Death Knights do not have these, and are therefore vulnerable. But if they miss in their initial attack, the Death Knights will knock them off of their horses and slaughter them.

We also have our magic-users. We have both Battle Mages and Clerics in our army. The Battle Mages can be catastrophic in battle, and can mean the end of it if they act well enough. They are the only counter to the powerful magics of the Lich and Nercomancer. They are divided up into different subclasses of Battle Mages, mostly based on elements. A fire-user, and Ice-user, a Wind-user, ect. The mages work together to create powerful magics to counter enemy magic and help their forces push on. The clerics are magic-users of a different nature, though. They go throughout the battlegrounds and heal the wounded with their holy powers, bringing dying men back into fighting shape. This is a main thing that the undead lack, the ability to heal their injured units. Unfortunately, the undead army is bolstered with every good man that falls, making it less important for them to heal. Also, most undead can go without healing, as many of them (zombies, skeletons, ghosts) don't feel pain. But the Clerics and Battle Mages are important parts of my army.

Perhaps most importantly, I also have a special troop of Paladins. These men and women have recieved exceptional training, and are well versed in both the art of fighting and curative magics. They tend to use one or two-handed hammers, using shields if they only use one-handed weapons. They also may use swords and axes, but most stick to hammers. Paladins use their magics in the same way that Clerics do, although they have access to more offensive spells. A troop of Paladins can effectively combat the undead, by use of their melee combat, healing magic, protective magic, and offensive magic. They are the ultimate weapon, but they are very few. It takes a lot of training to become a Paladin, and a lot of people fail this training. If it weren't for the Paladins, we would have been wiped out years ago. But not even well trained Paladins can stand against a massive army of the undead without backup, leadership, and planning.

I intend to see to it that actual battles are fought out at school, whether or not we are present for them. The leaders of the various parties (i.e. myself, Veronica as the Queen of the Undead, Jared as my second-in-command, and whoever else we deem worthy of a title) will get together and set out tactics, so that we may plan out offenses and defenses. We will have set numbers of units, with various ways to acquire more, resources, upgrades. Like a giant real-time strategy game, but not in real time. Different areas of the school will be our strongholds.

Anyone that does not wish to participate forfeits their title and responsibilities, so if you don't play, you can't win. That means you, Vero, will have to take part in this, along with whoever we set up as your allies. You don't get to pick, that's for Jared and I. But rest assured, we like challenges, so you'll have more units, more commanders, and greater odds of winning. All we have is our strategy and our cunning. It will be an interesting conflict for the two leaders of the opposing parties to be dating, but it will make things...Interesting.

Yes, yes, I know, I go into FAR too much detail with these things. But...It's these things that I need. I need to do stuff like this, or I'd really lose it. This...This is my element. This is how I THRIVE. Over the next few weeks, I'll be setting up rules, a combat system, a more detailed unit roster, more commanders for both armies, and everything else we need to make this craziness a reality.

For the sake of efficiency, I'll set something up where only the two LEADERS of the parties need to get together to continue the campaigns. It's far too inconvenient to try to organize for all of the commanders to get together, because if not everybody is there, it is unfair, and getting everybody there would be nearly impossible, especially if we wanted to keep it going at a regular pace.

Anyways...This has been a long rant. If you're interested in taking part in this war, and really will take part, drop a comment. I'm going to look into having something set up on-line to keep track of this, troop movements and all that.

But yeah.

Until next time,
There is one key strategy in defeating the undead. But if I knew it, this war would be over by now.
~Kataron

In Search of Sunrise.

Well, I had another shitty day. Three tests, and I was supposed to present something, but I wasn't ready. The first two tests were easy, but the physics one got me. DAMN YOU, PHYSICS!

Also, I got depressed again today around lunch. Seeing a pattern here? I know I am! Goddamn lunches. So depressing. Well, tomorrow should fix all that. I get to hang all day with my buddies at Playdium. SO FUCK YOU. Bi-atches.

But for now, I feel...Ignored? Unwanted? Yes, that's how I feel...Ignored and unwanted. Thanks for noticing! Oh wait..You didn't...But who does, nowadays? A couple minor comments were all I got. Oh well. Not like I matter.

I guess Jared's gonna get caught up with this tonight...Good, I have a few things I need to discuss with him.

But as for YOU people....I'll post again later, and, depending on my mood, might enlighten you about the undead some more. Or I might bitch and moan about shit you don't care about! Either way, I don't give a shit whether or not you read it.

Until next time,
The ones that notice are never the ones that you want to notice.
~Kataron

Runaway

Kataron here. And not so depressed this evening.

Before I begin, I'd like to thank SlipperyChicken. Now, he doesn't READ this blog, but he gave me a KICKASS link to a music site with trance and stuff. Most excellent.

http://www.digitallyimported.com/

Booyah! Trance!

Now that that's settled, I'm in a ranty mood.

First of all...Why the fuck do teachers always give tests on the same day? I mean, I have three tomorrow. I'm only studying for one, but still. Three fucking tests. This idea bothers me, because I feel helpless. I like to have a bit of freedom. I like to know that if I don't want to go to clas, I can skip. No big deal. Just one class, right? Can't skip test periods. Or else they tend to get all pissy, whereas they don't so much care with just one normal class. But I can't skip, it makes me feel so helpless...I despise that feeling of helplessness, more than you can even know. I recently realized that that's why I dislike something so much, but I can't remember what that something is...Oh well. I'm sure I'll remember later. But the point is, tests are always on the same day. It's just fucked up. The way I figure, teachers are conspiring against me. I'll show them...I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!

Yep. I'm so pathetic. I mean, honestly. It's just sad how pathetic I am. I need something to take my mind off of everything around me. The way I figure it, when I get my new computer, I'm done with outside. Technically, were I so inclined, I could take the rest of my courses over the net. We were talking about alternatives in education today in 'ologies. I could do that. I could just stop going outside. But then I'd be stuck in my living room, where my parents are a lot. That would suck. I need to move out. With Jared. Damn, that'll be sweet. Oh, the games that will be played. That fucker doesn't play enough games. The games he does play are old-school. I can still pwn his pansy-ass in anything for the PS2. That fucker is gonna get SO schooled when we're living together.

I offended some people at school today. It was fun. People were collecting money for Save The Future, for the Tsunami relief dealy, and I made a rather loud comment on how the only real thing I'd thought about with the Tsunami was how I need to learn to harness the power of the Tsunamis. Wouldn't that be kick-ass? The people I could kill...Yeah, yeah, I'm evil. Fuck you.

Which reminds me...I need to blow something up. I want to blow up the ENTIRE state of Texas. Too many memories and enemies. I'll learn them to fuck with me. And there's more than one of them I want dead. I'm still pissed off at all of the admins on Dormalechor. For those of you who aren't Jared or Seth, Dormalechor was the RP forum that Seth and I first joined, later convincing Jared to join. Good times were had, but then I pissed them off. Let's see...The admins...One wanted me, one wanted the one that wanted me and was an ass, one was a bitch, one was a bitch but I didn't know it yet, and one was cool. ONE was cool. In fact, I've got her on my MSN, she's signed on now, but we don't talk. I ended up offending them a bunch of times and making them edit my posts so I wasn't hurtful to other people, or swearing at them. FUCKERS. Nobody edits me, god damn it. Any attempts can and will lead to death. So fuck you. Fuck you very much.

And the ones that pissed me off live in Texas. Hence, if I blew it up, they'd go too. It would give me SUCH a feeling of satisfaction to blow up Texas...The only thing better would be blowing it up, while having things set up to see and hear them die, hear their screams of terror and pain, see their blood and guts splatter everywhere...Oh, fuck yeah...

Okay, so I'm sadistic too. You'd hate these people if you were me. I'm a -very- vengeful person. In fact, I have a list. A revenge list. Bunch of people on it. I need to find good ways to get revenge, though. Haven't thought of any yet. Give me time.

I feel...really...really...dumb. I dunno, I just feel really stupid right now. I think part of it has to do with my earlier assumption that this WAVE dealy or whatever Veronica is going to was the thing that happened a month ago (about). I just never bothered to learn the name of it, but I still feel stupid in my assumption, especially since I've been proven wrong. Proven wrong on my own blog! Oh, the humanity! Last time I was proven wrong, I edited my post so I was right...But I can't do that this time.

DAMN YOU, ASSUMPTIONS!

I could totally do Bill Gates' job. All I'd have to do is sit around and suck all day. In NON-literal ways, mind you. You were thinking it, you sick-minded people, you. And I'M the pervert. Geez.

I feel inadequate, as well as the aforementioned stupidity. I haven't played Growlanser in days because I'm scared of finding myself forever stuck on that damn level. Grrr. I gotta beat that fucker.

I've been listening to this Trance channel for forty minutes now...On that Digitally Imported site. I'm listening to the Vocal Trance now. That's some good shit.

Depression....Kicking in....Dammit...I was so close to having another good night...Then it had to happen...DAMMIT. It hurts. Memories fucking hurt. Just today, I laughed about it, and now it hurts like hell. I remember exactly how it was phrased...I remember exactly what I felt...I remember exactly what I did, where I sat. I remember that people tried to talk to me, but I didn't reply. I remember the next class...I remember that night...I remember the next couple days...Sort of a blur, but I remember them...

And I'm never going to let it happen again. You'd better fucking believe I'm never going to let it happen again.

Goddamn emotions. I wish I could just do without them. Emotions are weakness.

Hmm...I want to offend somebody, might make me feel better. But...who? In the past, I've gone out of my way to offend Christians, Feminists, Vegetarians/Vegans, Jared, and I've lost interest in listing them. But who next? Hmm...

This is difficult. But it's easier to talk now...Depression is slowly retreating...She's gone...Painful memories surface whenever I think of her. So...I don't. She's rarely on-line. But..tonight...She was. No longer tries to talk to me. Thank God for that. I don't know what I would do.

And so I sit here, trying to deny my feelings. My emotions. Emotions are weakness after all. Feelings...Get in the way. In some ways, it would be easier without them. In some ways, more difficult. I'd like to take my chances without. But I can't.

I'm still looking for a reason. It's not easy. Well, not for me.

I...envy those who can just live. Those that can just live to be happy, live for no other reason than to go on, experience new things. I can't do that. I need something. I need a reason. I need...I need SOMETHING.

Having low self-esteem isn't very fun. I know I talk about this a lot, but it really isn't. But it can be amusing watching people try and cheer you up.

I keep jumping topics here...I still need a new book. I've located the other Frank Herbert book, but I haven't been able to see how it is yet. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Yep...

My dad's always coming home drunk now...I think he's working somewhere near The Legion. It's some old war thing, a group of old guys that get together and drink. That's basically all it is. If you're a member, the booze is cheap, so my dad likes it well enough. It's starting to bug me, though, him coming home every night drunk. But oh well, what am I gonna do?

I think I'd be good in a war. As a tactical advisor. I play enough games. But also, I'm evil. Which means that a lot of people would die, and I wouldn't care whose side they were on. But preferably painful. Nobody would be safe! NOBODY!

Yep...I'm currently in a somewhat depressed state, but not as bad as usual.

I feel that I need to plot out petty revenge on some people, though...Which reminds me, I need to smack Kate in the head tomorrow. Normally I wouldn't hit a girl, but she was warned. Wouldn't stop speaking the devil-language. Now, I'd accept that from Vero, as I'm completely powerless to argue with her. Well, unless I'm in one of my moods. She hasn't tried to convince me of anything when I'm in one of my moods yet. It'll probably happen eventnaully. Won't be very pleasant. Oh well, bound to happen sooner or later, with how moody I can be.

Over the weekend, I'm probably going to end up posting some stuff for the Blatand D&D Rip-Off that Ryan and I are doing. I have to write the endings, as well as the Random Occurances. We have 12 endings so far. All vague, so I have to write the actual endings, as they'll appear in the booklet. So I'm going to write and post them on here, and hopefully get your approval. You being the few people who actually bother with this thing anymore...

What I need is a wacky scheme...I haven't had one of those in a while. Yeah, a wacky scheme is just what the doctor ordered. Especially if I can use it against those that say or do things that piss me off. And this King/Queen of the undead that has not yet been decided on...And Jared, it's not really THAT much of a joint decision...I mean, I'm the one that decided to dub a ruler of the undead. I'm the one that's going through all the effort (hidden effort, but effort nonetheless...) to fight the undead. I think I might name a few people as higher ranking undead...Maybe an Undead General...Undead High Priest...Necromancer...Yeah. Sounds fun to me. That way, when I've pissed one of them off enough, I can move on to another one. Of course, since it's MY decision, that puts Vero back in the running, but I'd rather not be dating the Queen of the Undead. Although it -could- get interesting. But still. It's hardly proper for the main defence against the undead to be dating their queen. I'm going to have to set up a lot of traps when Jared and I are living together...But the big question is...Where am I gonna get a crossbow?

I need to turn this petty rebellion against the undead into an all out war...But in order to do that, I sorely desire a base of operations. I'd have one if I had moved out with Jared by now, but that's money I don't have. I need a job. But that would cut into my video game/blog ranting/masturbating time. These three things take up A LOT of my free time. Pretty pathetic.

Why don't I have an arch enemy? That'd be so cool...Somebody I'd always be trying to get at, somebody who's always trying to get at me...The ruler of the undead could be that, but if that were Vero, she would have a clear advantage. She's already demonstrated that she can touch me whenever she wants, if she were to hurt me while doing that, it could prove to be quite painful indeed. I'm all for masochism, but not down there. 'sides, it wouldn't be much fun to have an arch enemy as a girlfriend. Anyways...I need both a ruler of the damned, and an arch enemy. And some allies...I haven't really looked into that, yet. I know Jared's on my side. Ryan has expressed an interest in joining my forces, if only to kill me if I fail. It's a start...But it's not enough. Now, I don't need many to take on an army of the undead.

Then again, I have to take into account the different types of undead....

To start, you've got the zombies. Stereotypical undead, right? Exactly. Slow-moving, but powerful. If you can pick them off with ranged weapons, you're fine. Shots to the head work best. Sever what's left of the brain, and they stop working. Of course, they're extremely powerful in close combat. They lack the intelligence to used ranged weapons, but if you set up an ambush with them...Deadly.

Then you've got the skeletons. Now here's a versatile opponent. You need great accuracy or a wide spread shot to have any effect with long range weapons on these babies. They're strong, faster than zombies, but still stupid. You can smash them up good. Make toothpicks. They can use rangd weaponry as well as melee, and some even have very standard magics. Poison, fire, ice...Not much, but it can pack a punch.

Now, zombies and skeletons aren't bad, but without leadership, they're fucked. That's where the Necromancers and Vampires come in...

Now, Vampies. Only travel by night. But HELLA-POWERFUL. And cunning. Stealthy. Manipulative. A force to be reckoned with. But with the proper tools, such as garlic, holy water, stakes, crosses, they can be beaten. And I'm not talking sissy vamps like Buffy fought. No, these fuckers are strong. They can turn into bats at will, and can heal almost anything by sucking the life out of others. Beware.

Then the Necromancers. Generally human. The real brains behind the operations. POWERFUL magic. The Dark Arts are their bitches. If a comrade falls in combat, this fucker will bring him back, so be careful that you don't get caught off guard and stabbed in the back by your own ally. These guys can raise skeletons and zombies, as well as cast a wide array of magics to cripple their enemies. Avoid combat with them unless VERY prepared. But if you want to majorly cut off the creation of new undead, these guys must die.

Then you've got other generic undead. Whisps, Ghosts, Liches, Death Knights. There's a lot. But it's time for me to go to bed. I'll be back to describe the undead in greater detail later. Be prepared.

Until next time,
You can't kill the undead, per se. But you can beat them 'til they can't move no more, and/or cut off their limbs. That works.
~Kataron

SuperPowers

I fucking hate those bitches on the bus. I had my discman on, earbuds in tight, volume MAXED, and I could STILL FUCKING HEAR THEIR GODDAMN ANNOYING VOICES!

If the bus driver can't shut them up, I will. And my way involves all of them dying. They're just lucky I haven't gotten ahold of a working gun yet. Because if I did, they would be dead right now. Not joking at all. This is what they've driven me to. They don't even listen to the bus driver when she tells them to be quiet. They don't listen to us when we tell them to be quiet. Let's see if they can ignore the bullets piercing their ugly skulls, shall we?

I had a shitty day today. Things were okay until about lunch, of course. But that's only because I had four cans of coke before lunch. By the time the caffeine wore off, the grim reality hit me. I have three tests tomorrow, and I found out TODAY that I'm supposed to present my final project tomorrow in fourth. Which I, of course, haven't started. Soooo...Even if I wanted to try to get it done tonight, I can't, with my three tests tomorrow. I'm going to try for the sympathy card and see if I can get it pushed back until Monday, so I have the weekend. Sympathy card SHOULD work, it's Ms. McLean. Maybe I can pull the sympathy card on Stokes, too...It happened with either the last test or the one before it, somebody complained, on the day OF the test, that they hadn't had much time to study because of other tests, and it got pushed back. But I'm not crossing my fingers.

But yeah, I gotta try cramming tonight. I'm not so concerned with math, though. I never study, or pay attention, and I still seem to get good marks on the tests. I know the basic concepts of the unit, so it shouldn't be too bad. One of the tests is in Comm. Tech, so it shouldn't be too hard. Physics is the big one. I suck with physics tests. But I've gotten most of the stuff in this unit...Pretty basic math, only a couple things elude me, which can hopefully be cleared up by studying...Anyways, yeah. Knowing me, I'll still find time to spend two hours writing another post tonight.

Be warned, it won't be overly pleasant, I'm depressed and pissed off.

The 'obsession' thing with Vero was mentioned again at lunch, it's really starting to piss me off as well. Chris keeps saying that she's obsessed with some guy or something. If he keeps it up, I'm going to punch him in the face. I'm depressed enough with just the generic things happening, I don't need to be wondering whether or not my girlfriend is obsessed with some guy. Not that I think she is, I just don't like thinking about it, hence me getting pissed off with it being mentioned during the past three or four lunches. So yeah. If he keeps mentioning it, I'm going to punch him.

But yeah. I'm gonna go do something else now, hopefully let off some steam.

Until next time,
It's never a good idea to piss off somebody who is evil.
~Kataron

Delerium

Howdy, folks. I'm back. I'd ask if you missed me, but we all know that you didn't. And that is why I'ma do something very unpleasant to you.

Well, I just bathed. I wanted my hair to be clean for the outfit I'm planning tomorrow. Gonna wear a new shirt I got for Christmas. It's quite nice. That, with matching pants. I need dress pants...Well, that'll be next. Yep. Normally I'm not so vain as to plan out what outfits I'm going to wear, but I want to wear my new shirt. I've been wanting to for a couple days, but I couldn't find my black jeans. Gotta match the first time wearing it. Effect. Geez, that sounded pretty vain. Oh well. I figure even if I sound vain, I'm far too unattractive to actually be considered vain. And nobody that's really vain would say that about themselves, or have self-esteem like I do.

There is no better place in the house to read than the bathroom. It's the one place I can go in this damn house where I don't get interrupted every few minutes. I just finished the Frank Herbert book. Ascension Factor. It was good. Satisfying ending. It ended up keeping me in the bathtub for almost two hours, just to finish it. Pretty sad, but I love reading. Which reminds me, I need a new book to read...How can I best punk Jared's new copy of Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Maybe if I distracted him with candy...That works a lot...Eh, fuck it. I'll just find something else lying around to read. I think I have another Frank Herbert book...Eric was gonna burn it. Can you imagine that? Frank FUCKING Herbert! Only one of the BEST science fiction authors of all time! Honestly, the boy needs to be shot. Goddamn communist.

I've decided that anything bad in the world can be blamed on either the French, or those Communist bastards. Just because it's easy this way. And if it's a fantasy thing, I'll blame those snobby Elves. Pointy-Eared pricks. Or those stupid, short, alcoholic Dwarves...

I'm still convinced that Dwarven women do NOT exist. I just need some proof.

Man...The mass amounts of cafeine I had today are really starting to get to me. Eyelids getting heavy, depression kicking in. And it's only 9. It no longer matters that my day wasn't as bad as yesterday or the day before. The same things are bothering me.

I recently found an old letter that Eva sent me. It was in my room. Memories came back. There's only one logical next step. Fucker's gotta burn. Jared already needs to burn a note an the proper use of commas (ugh! As if we didn't know, in grade FUCKING 12), so we might as well burn it together. Male bonding. Burning shit with friends. I probably have a few other things that I need to burn. Ah, yes...I do. I know Jared does as well. Anybody else that needs to burn something, you're welcome to join in. We're not just talking burning for the sake of burning, though, so stay away if that's all you're looking for. Want to get rid of something that brings back shitty memories? You know you do. Join us in the burn. We don't know when we're gonna do it, but we're going to at some point. It'd help if somebody that wanted to burn away some memories had a lighter, too. If not, we can probably borrow one from somebody. Yep.

As it turns out, my buddy Seth may or may not be coming down here during March Break. Sure, this is a ways away, but still. Seth. He's that cool, that I'm excited about it now. Maybe I could introduce him to Vero. Hopefully, she won't scare the poor kid too much. She'd freak him out pretty good just by doing what she always does at lunch to me...But yeah. By then, my parents should be going away semi-regularly again. I miss having the house to myself. By then, I'll have a totally kick-ass computer...Maybe even surround sound...God, THAT will be good.

Sweet Merciful Crap. Thanks to LittleGamers, a very interesting question has come to my attention...Why didn't Tarzan have a beard? I mean, he lived in the fucking jungle! How is he expected to shave IN THE JUNGLE? That is seriously fucked up. It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

As it turns out, I have three cases of Coke in my locker. What's that, you want some? Ha. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA. There are VERY few people that are getting any of that Coke. Anybody else that tries will get hit with the sceptre. Don't fuck with the sceptre. That's made of metal, you know. Wrapped in tape, but made of metal. So don't fuck with me. That Coke is mine. Mine by birthright. All those who wish to have some must defeat me...IN STREET FIGHTER! Damn right. You should be scared now.

I'm so confused right now. Not just by my inane ramblings, but I'm just really confused. Confused about life, feelings, relationships, all that stuff. It's all just confusing as hell. Not sure how to feel, not sure how to act, not sure what to do. I wish...I wish I wasn't...Me. I wish I was somebody that knew how to deal with stuff like this. Somebody that knew what to do, how to react to everything.

FUCKING KEYBOARD. I just had to spend ten FUCKING minute adjusting the FUCKING cord in the back just so I could type again. Grrr.

But back to what I was talking about. It sucks when you don't know how to feel. Should I be happy? Should I be sad? Should I be...relieved? Should I be pissed off? Should I be worried? I just don't know. And worse yet, it's hard to know how I DO feel. All I know is that I get depressed. That's...about it.

Sometimes I wonder why any of us bother with life. What IS the point? I mean, really. So much badness in the word. War, natural disasters, crime, betrayal, hate. Why are we here, when we suffer so much?

Bah...

Life in general confuses me. People go about their ardous task. Have they forgotten about their dreams? Are they just settling for what little they can get? An adult should not have to try to support themselves on minimum wage from McDonalds. But some do. Why? Why bother? How can you be happy barely scraping in enough to survive, let alone do anything? What the fuck is the point? I don't think I could do that. But hey, I'm depressed. I'm fucked up already.

Moving on...But moving on to what? What do I have to talk about? I might as well go over what happened today. Well, I got to school. Then I dropped off my backpack and went immediately to 7/11. Bought four bottles of Bawls. Three for me, one for Jared. And fuck yes, that's generosity. If he chipped in some money, maybe he would have gotten more, but he DOESN'T HAVE ANY. Got back to school, and as I was going to my locker, Vero was getting a camera or something from the Comm. Tech room. She yelled to me, but I had Five Iron Frenzy going at full blast, I didn't hear at all. That's the way I like it. All annoyances shut out. Unfortunately, it can make you miss some of the people you WANT to talk to, like with Vero. I heard her as the songs were changing, though. I was pretty out of it at the time. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep, the depression, the pounding music that I'd been listening to for the past forty minutes, or the fact that I held four bottles of Bawls. I'm guessing mostly the depression. Well, she spoke to me for...maybe...thirty seconds, then went about her business with the Comm. Tech room. I wandered up to the locker, where I tend to go in the mornings. Mainly because Vero is there, and wandering can be tiring. If Vero's not there, I tend to just wander off. I have a new discman, it's almost elminated the need for social interaction. Why listen to the unwashed masses when I can rock out to Five Iron Frenzy and Queen? I've started singing along with it, too. Easier to sing to FIF, though, as my Ska voice is somewhat decent, according to a singer in a ska band. But yeah, I hung around the locker until the bell rang, until I think everybody but Veronica and I had left, and then I left. I regret that, I should have said goodbye, hugged or kissed or whatever, but I was depressed. Then I went through first period with very little work. None, to be exact. I helped Ben with his photo developing. We fucked it up. Some of the pictures were messed up. I blame the communists. After first, there was break, where Jared and I wandered around while I sang to Five Iron Frenzy. Then Math. Again, no work. I listened to my discman all period and drank Bawls. Then Ryan came over and we talked about the game we're making, and got sidetracked, ended up talking about the deleted 'Mouth of Sauron' scene on RotK. Or is it Voice of Sauron? I don't remember. Fucking awesome, though. Then I wandered upstairs, still singing to Five Iron Frenzy. It was pointed out to me that I was singing out loud, so I looked at the person and continued singing. Saw Vero upstairs, got to say goodbye with a kiss this time. Seems that during the past couple days, we just haven't had any time alone together, or at least alone enough to kiss or really talk and such. Where was I? Ah. Physics. Damn, didn't do any work in that class, either. It was a review period. I convinced the teacher that I left some of my notes in my locker, and spent fifteen minutes going there and back, slowly, listening to music. Ended up talking to Mitch about stuff. Then, there was lunch. Lunch was good, I guess. Jared and I wandered off to Zellers and used a gift card I got for Christmas to get three 12-packs of Coke. I tried to find some Sprite Remix for Vero, but none could be found. Wandered around the whole store twice looking. Got back, weird looks in the hall for the guy carrying 36 cans of Coke while singing Ska. Went under the stairs, where there was only Vero, Chris, and Rhi. The 'Obsession' thing that was mentioned yesterday when Chris loudly and jokingly said that Vero was cheating on me was mentioned again. From what was said about it, it seems to be a guy. Kind of pissed me off, but whatever. I left pretty much as soon as the bell rang. Normally I might have tried to walk with Vero down the hall, maybe hold hands or something, but I was carrying four cases of Coke, so I just wandered off on my own, singing again. Fourth was boring. No work again. Teacher talked about schedules and shit. Then we were supposed to do review. I sat there listening to Queen, thoroughly depressed. I had just finished my third and final bottle of Bawls, and started on the Coke, but it didn't seem to help the depression. I just got more shaky. After class, I wandered to my locker, and as I said in the previous post, Vero came by on her way to the bus. Though just a little thing, it helped me out of my depressedness. I had to run after her when she was leaving to get a kiss goodbye, while Jared was moving in the opposite direction with my coat and backpack, but it was worth it.

I seem to think about kissing a lot now. But can you blame me? Vero's the first girlfriend I have that I CAN kiss. But yeah. It's amusing kissing her in front of Jared. Especially when it's more than just a little kiss. I recall one time. I was depressed. Why was that? Ah yes, because I realized that I fucked up majorly in Data Management. I saw her on the way to my locker at the beginning of lunch. I think she was feeling down for some reason, too, at the time...Ah, I remember why...The 'sluzzy' incident. I still want to egg that woman's house...Anyways, we stopped and just kinda held each other for a minute, and Jared came up. Then she wanted to go to eat, because she was hungry, and the goodbye kiss turned into a little more than usual, and Jared got grossed out. I can only imagine how weird it is to see your best friend of thirteen years kissing somebody, when it's somewhere in between just kissing and making out. God knows I'd be freaked out seeing Jared do that. But I would rudely interrupt it, probably with retching sounds. :)

Interesting...I'm not sad. I should be sad right now. Odd...Definately odd...Maybe thinking about non-shitty memories has cheered me up. I dunno.

Well, buses MIGHT be cancelled tomorrow. They're calling for a lot of snow. But I'm not crossing my fingers. I figure, if buses are cancelled, I get to hang out at home and play video games all day. If not, I get to go to school and see Vero, and not do any work. Win-Win situation to me. In fact, I think I might prefer going to school to staying here. I get all weekend to do nothing...Well, I have projects to work on, but we all know I'm going to play video games. I only get to see Vero AT school. Well, unless I go to the WAVE thing or whatever it is this weekend. Last time was fun...Vero dug her nails into my skin, breaking the flesh, and then went over it with sharpie. If that's not fun, I don't know what is. But then again, there's a very good chance that you, the reader, are not masochistic. In which case, I say...Give pain a try. You might find you like it. I'm lucky, I'm masochistic, and my girlfriend seems to be sadistic. Good match.

But yeah, I'm not sure if I'm gonna go to that or not. Could be fun...We'll see what happens. Huh, and it's not the same weekend as Jared's Worship Celebration, so I don't have to choose between them this time. Last time, he totally lost. He may be my best friend of thirteen years, but he sure as hell doesn't have breasts. Sorry, Jared.

Man...I've written a lot tonight. Lately, my posts have been shorter and depressing.

I'm quite interested in seeing how I'm going to get through the next week of school. With three cases of Coke in my locker, and a new discman, as well as the loss of any limitations on how I act, it's going to be quite interesting. And I can tell you right now, there is going to be a HELL of a lot of singing. And being caffeinated. Let's see how many people I can piss off.

I still need to claim somebody as the King/Queen of the Undead. It requires thought as to who to dub as this person...I mean, they can't be somebody that can beat me up easily. They can't be Italian, for fear of Mafia connections. Maybe somebody French...It'd give me a way to mock them, just replacing 'Frenchies' with 'Undead'. Fuck, now I've said it where Vero can read it, won't work...Won't stop me from trying, though! Yep.

It's odd not being depressed at this time...I pretty much -always- am nowadays. We'll see what the future has in store...But I stick by the depressed comments I made the other day, I still think Vero deserves better. I'm damn lucky to have her as my girlfriend. Damn lucky.

Yep...Where do I go from there? Not sure...Maybe bed. I gotta go to bed in about five minutes. But I doubt I'll cover much between now and then....I'm thinkin' word count.

Total before this line: 2,702.

Not bad, I guess. I've done better. It's...decent...I suppose. But only because I didn't have any really ranty topics that piss me off.

Fucking vegetarians. That's my offensive comment for the day. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian, goddammit. MEAT. It has the word eat right in it! Meat. It wants you to (m)eat it. Moo, motherfucker.

Right. Hopefully I've offended a couple of you, in which case, I can sleep soundly tonight.

Until next time,
I'm the most uncool person I know!
~Kataron

Bohemian Rhapsody

Hey hey.

I had a somewhat better day at school today. And not completely due to the large amounts of caffeine I had. Three bottles of Bawls. Got me nice and wired. But oddly enough, it didn't stop the depression that hit me during fourth period. A couple little things got to me during the day. Comments and such. I was feeling pretty down by the end of fourth, but then another little thing happened that cheered me up. I don't feel like being vague or anything, so I'll just say that Vero stopped by my locker on her way to catch a bus, which she usually doesn't do. Even though I'm dating her, I just don't see her enough. She rarely stops by my locker at the end of the day anymore, and it was really good to see her again. Most little things that happen seem to be bad, but there are the occasional good ones.

Anyways, my brother wants on the computer for something.

'School-Work' he says. Pah. I'll post again later. Probably be depressed again by then, though, with the caffeine and such wearing off.

Until next time,
I've been told I have a decent Ska voice. You know what that means, don't you? That's right, I want ice cream!
~Kataron

Traffic

Well, I'm back. Miss me? No? Didn't think so. Well, I've just spent the past few hours in my dark room, watching tv. I was gonna play video games, but...I...I just didn't feel like it. I dunno, that just doesn't seem right to me. Still depressed. Caffeine helped, though. Caffeine always helps. 'course, I'm gonna be feeling that in about an hour. There's a chance you'll be able to note exactly where in the post it really takes effect. If you don't, I'll try to point it out for you. Why? Not sure.

Yep. Still feeling pretty down. Goddamn little things. People never notice when the little things happen. People seem to notice when I'm depressed, though. They never know why. Even when they were part of it, they never know why. It's almost amusing. It would be, if it weren't so depressing. Yep...

Maaaaaaan. I had an INCREDIBLY fucked up dream last night. I don't remember much, but I remember that Captain Kirk, Spock, Captain Archer (of the newer series Enterprise, but he seemed to be no more then a generic ensign), and an expendable officer were running from some other people. For some reason, they were very, very small. And the people they were running from were GIANTS. They didn't even reach the top of the shoes of these giants. And, stranger yet, they had a Chocobo with them. Kirk could...communicate...with the Chocobo somehow. Or that was what it seemed...The Chocobo popped out of a basket of fruit, at one point. Kirk said 'What is it with you and fruit?!'. Seemed angry. At that point, it was looking more like manga than anything else...Now, I'm not even going to try to ask you people to analyze this dream, because last time, when the dream MIGHT have meant something, nobody bothered to. I blame the lack of sleep, and my current state of mind. It was just fucked up.

Why do I worry so much? I really don't get it...And about the stupidest things...Okay, so what happened...It was lunch. Chris and Vero were discussing something about filiming, Vero said she'd rather work with, and then stopped, then going on to say something about not being obsessed. Chris said in a loud, joking, voice that she was cheating on me. Just that comment really got to me. Now, before you read this and feel insulted, I'm not trying to imply anything about Vero. It's not that I think she would do that, it's not that I suspect her of doing that, it's not that I'm accusing her of doing that. I really don't think she would. But, in total, it's happened to me four times before. Three times by the same girl...It's what I'm used to. But like I said, I don't think Vero would do that. But why not? I'm not exactly a prize fucking catch. She could do a hell of a lot better than me, without even trying. I honestly don't even know why she said yes. She's smart, funny, beautiful. I'm...Well, I'm me. Which means pretty much the opposite of those things. Opposites attract? Bullshit. She deserves better...

I know Vero would want me to talk to her if I'm having thoughts like these...But how the hell am I supposed to say that? Anything I say would sound like I'm accusing her of something, or suspecting her, which is wrong. I just think she deserves better. And jokes like the one Chris made today piss me off to no end. But nobody seems to understand that.

Okay, I think the caffeine is going away now, depression coming in.

I wish Jared was on...I can always talk to him about stuff that's bothering me. That bastard with his not having internet. So much going on in my head. I just wish I had somebody I could really talk to. Not easy, with how few people I trust. Why, if you're reading this, I probably don't trust you! Most of what I have to say, I can say on here, though. But there are a few things I just don't feel comfortable talking about here. Stuff I only feel comfortable discussing with those I really trust. I wonder what Jared would say....Maybe he'd tell me I'm being crazy, that I'm worrying about things I shouldn't be worrying about (no, not what was mentioned above...), but he could tell me what I don't want to hear, and that my fears are justified. Can't even talk to him about it at school, with so many people around.

This is getting harder to write. I just don't know what to say. Life is boring, depressing, and stressful. Well, mostly stressful to most other people. I seem to be almost immune to stress. Depression gets to me, but stress doesn't. Well, for the most part. When stress gets to me, it gets to me really bad. To the point of crying with frustration bad. But for the most part, I'm fine.

Things are...different now. I don't know why, I'm not completely sure how, but things are...different. I liked the old way better. This way is...depressing. But I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. It doesn't seem to be up to me anymore. Change is inevitable...Not always good, not always bad. It's a gamble that one has no control over, and is forced to take. We can't control time. We can't go back to the way things were just because we like it, just because something is bothering you. All you can do is hope for more change. Change for the better. Change will come. It can be affected. But can you steer it in the direction you want it to go? Things could end off worse than they were before...

Time is a very strange thing. It exists all around is, all we can do is sit back and watch. We've created ways to make watching easier. Namely watches. No pun intended. But through all the attempts at keeping track of it, nobody has been successful in altering it. Is it possible? It could have serious ramifications here, though. But who knows, maybe somebody messed up time, and now we're stuck on some infinite loop. It pisses me off, because you can't know. You have absolutely no way of knowing. Without proof, what do we have? Faith? Pah.

I used to have faith. Not in any sort of higher power, but in other things. Things I felt were reliable. Humanity. I was young, forgive me. I didn't know how fucked up people were. I even remember when I had faith in love. Now I don't know whether to laugh about it, or cry about it. Best I can tell, love is bullshit. Nothing more than a joke, something people write on cards. What does it mean? Torn between laughter or tears, I have no idea what to think about it. Then again, I'm biased. Very, very biased.

Emotions altogether, are weakness. If I could just do without them, I would. No more being happy. No more being sad. No more being hurt...But that's just a silly dream. My emotions are too strong to be rid of. Unfortunately, they're usually emotions of a bad variety.

I need...caffeine. Yay for temporary happiness...It seems that I've begun to drink Coke for the same reason that some alcoholics drink booze...A temporary reprieve from life, stress, and all that other bad stuff. An escape. A temporary escape. There's only one way to escape from life, though. And it's not very pleasant either.

It's been almost two hours since I started this post, and I haven't accomplished much. I have way too much on my mind...And far too few good things among them.

Tomorrow...I'm gonna get wired. Bawls, even. Haven't had Bawls in forever...Yeah, that sounds good. I can even go in the morning...Get a bottle for Jared, two for myself...And yes, that IS being generous, as he never has any goddamn money to pay for his own. Caffeine is always good...That's how I'd like to die. Caffeine overdose. That just seems to be an appropriate way to go. Old age? Fuck that, I wouldn't live that long anyway. How much caffeine would it take to kill you? I bet if I drank enough of that Red Bull shit, I'd find out. One day, when all else has failed, that's what I'm going to do. Even if I do it well later on in life, that's how I'm going to go, dammit.

It bugs me to go around and see people so happy. Why do they get to be happy when I'm not? Fuck it, I'm done. I'm fucking tired, I have shit to sort out.

And Vero, you really do deserve better. I'm going to try to hold on to you for as long as I can. I really do care about you. I'm sorry that I am how I am, but...well, that's how I am. I wish I could be good enough.

Until next time,
Torn between laughter and tears, forever unsure of how to proceed.
~Kataron

Slipper Sleaze

Greetings and salutations.

Well, it's been another depressing day at school today. It all seems to go wrong around lunch. I'm not quite why. I was having a pretty good day today, until lunch.

Little things, actions, comments.

It....worries me. It always worries me, everything always worries me. I wish I wasn't so damn paranoid. I worry that the past will repeat itself all over again, as if it hasn't happened enough before.

My brother wants on the computer, so I have to go. I'll post another entry later.

Until next time,
Life is pain. Anybody that says different is selling something.
~Kataron

Dreaming

Yo. Nothing better to do, so I figured I'd update again. Haven't done much since the last update. Had dinner. Took a bath that ended up lasting...probably more than an hour and a half. It's just so relaxing in there. It's also a great place to think. Which is really bad for me. I pondered the usual things. Why the fuck I bother with anything, what the point is, ect, etc. The usual depressed stuff. I'm sure a great many of you have thought it before, but probably not as often as I think about it.

No words, no talk, we'll go dreaming...

No pain, no hurt, we'll go dreaming...

Sorry, catchy lyrics.

I'm just trying to find a good reason to continue on with this sorry excuse for a life. I'm not planning on killing myself or anything, but I just want something, a goal, a reason. An excuse. I'm at the point where I pretty much deny that any friends I have actually care about me. In my world, nobody does. Especially not me. If you're reading this, don't give me any bullshit comments about how you really do care about me. Trust me, they have no effect. Reminds me, I was posting on here a while back, and I talked about having low self esteem and all that. Somebody...Vero, I think, made a comment about...Wait, lemme find it. I wanna read it again. Here's EXACTLY what she said:

'But you do know there is much more likable about you than you seem to see!'

Hahahahahaha. It's funny when people try and make you feel better with things you believe to be lies. It doesn't matter if they believe it, although quite frankly, I don't believe that anybody thinks anything good about me. Ah, yes. It wasn't self-esteem I was talking about when she said that, she made me do a little quiz thing, and I said that I didn't like anything about myself. That's because I don't. I'm surprised you people haven't seen how much of a stupid, ignorant asshole I am. I make pretty much no attempts at hiding it. Although I do refrain from doing certain things. For example, I have a friend that will remain nameless that had some sort of depressing post on his/her livejournal/blog. All it did was piss me off and make me want to bitch at them. But as the comments already there were made by other friends, reassuring him/her and all that. Just felt that my bitching wouldn't be welcome, especially with the comments there, and people ready to argue with me. If any of you fools saw the real me, you'd never want to speak to me again. I am evil.

It's funny how people underestimate that fact. Or disbelieve it. I used to put on quite a charade, didn't I? Or maybe I just wasn't fully evil at that point. I'm not really sure anymore. But I'm different now. I wonder what it was that changed me. Maybe I was like this all along, just...repressing it. Maybe I wanted people to like me. Maybe I wanted certain people to like me. Maybe I wasn't as nuts as I am now. Maybe I just lost my compassion somewhere along the way. Maybe I lost it between different times when I was cheated on by people that claimed to love me. Maybe I saw what life is really like. I think it happened when I was depressed in grade 10. I lost part of my humanity. Never got it back. That was the beginning, anyways. I don't think I've reached the end yet, though. Let's see how far I'll degenerate! Sounds like fun to me.

I am one of the only people I know that takes the little things into account. Both in doing them, and having them done to me. Most people just accept the little things as part of a larger package. They don't think about their immediate effect on others, and they don't always seem to notice them. Simple actions can mean a lot to people. A kiss, a smile, just being there. A kind word, sharing a look. These kind of things can make a major difference, if only in somebody's day. Well, depending on who the people are. If Jared tried to kiss me, he'd be sacked three times before he could hit the ground.

The thing I love about just having somebody there, though, is that words aren't necessary. Well, if you have a bond with the person. When you don't, words are quite often necessary. But when you do, you can...talk...without words...It can mean a lot to somebody just to be there. But be warned, foolish mortals, there are precious few that I will tolerate with the wordless speech. I have very few of these 'bonds', but that makes the ones I DO have even more precious. So, if I share a bond with you, you've pretty much got a safe ticket from me killing you. The question is, who do I have these bonds with? I could say, but it's more entertaining for me if I don't.

I...Am fucking tired. I've had a depressing day, and I just want to go to bed. Unfortunately, my brother's watching his dumb show in there. To kick him out would be within my rights, as it is my room, but my dad's drunk and nearly asleep, there's no telling who's side he would take. Besides, I want to rant and ramble some more.

My brain hurts. I've been listening to my discman a lot today. It's a good way to ignore people that you just don't want to listen to, or things you just don't want to hear. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work. If people get...close enough...They can bypass the loudness of the music. VERO. Then again, no matter what she says, I'm not going to object to her getting close to me or touching my leg. That'd just be dumb. It is slightly annoying to be so easily controlled, though. But meh, I'm whipped, always have been, always will be. I can think of worse people to be whipped by than Vero, though, so I'm content enough. Well, as content as I'm capable of being, which isn't much, by normal standards.

There's been all this talk about the tsunami or whatever in wherever it was lately. Everybody's all up about that now, as if it affects us. Wow, a lot of people died. How many people have died for Bush's little war, huh? You don't see everybody bitching about that anymore. Hell, they elected the fucker again. Natural Disasters, pah. I just don't care. You heard me. Yeah, I know, I'm an ass. People die. It's a natural part of life, making way for more people. I was told that every great plague that hit, hit around when there was danger of over-populating and such. It's all just a way of thinning the people out. 'sides, we've fucked with Mother Nature enough, why shouldn't she fuck with us? We cut down forests, we make species extinct, so the bitch fights back. What, am I not making much sense to you anymore? Pah.

The way I figure it, the world would be a lot better if I was in charge of everything. Petty rebellions would be squashed, order would be kept. Technology would thrive, I would make sure people had food to eat. As long as they didn't piss me off, that is. Hell, life already is a game to me, why not make it a larger scale game? Like an RTS. Like Sim City. Yeah.

Why doesn't anything seem real anymore? Is it just me? Maybe everything else is real, and I'm not...Maybe this is all some big fucked up dream. God, so many maybes. I wish I could just be certain of things...But alas, nothing is certain. *sigh*

Well, I'm done with this. I'm tired.

Until next time,
Love's just a joke.
~Kataron

Adagio For Strings

Hey. First day back at school today. Wasn't as bad as I expected in some aspects, worse in others. Certain things happened that depressed me. I'm not really going to go in to them, because you don't care, and the person that did them most likely did not realize that it would depress me. Like I've said many times, it's the little things. The little things can make or break the day.

Vero seemed to like the gift. It was a cheesy romance novel, with a necklace taped into the front cover. She put the necklace on, and seemed quite excited about the book, was even reading it during lunch. Yep.

I got to be crazy today. It was fun. Not having limitations in how far you're willing to go to make an ass out of yourself really helps. Yep.

I'm trying to think of more to say, but I'm not really finding anything. Downloaded a new version of Trillian. It's...different. I'll see whether I like this or the old version better, I suppose.

Yep...Not really sure why, but I'm just feeling down at the moment. There are some things I'm thinking about that I just can't figure out. It's never a good thing when I think a lot. I always think of the most depressing things. I'm thinking that the psychological assessment I took was right, I am depressed. Not that it really matters. Everyone is depressed every now and then, right? So what if I'm...depressed...more than others...? Doesn't matter.

I...I think I'm going to stop writing this now, I have nothing of relevance to say. I'll probably post again later.

Until next time,
Meh.
~Kataron

Magister mundi sum!

Why is it that the people I seem to piss off are the people I don't want to have pissed off at me? I mean, I enjoy pissing most people off, but it seems to me that it happens most often with people that I don't want to piss off. As you may be able to guess, I seem to have pissed off my girlfriend with my commentary on alcohol. Bah! I seem to have gone a little overboard in my critique of alcohol, and those who drink it.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/dragoness22/

That's the url to her LiveJournal, if you care to take a gander at the post.

Hmph. Caffeine and alcohol are two very different things, goddamn it. Rachel compared my being 'fucked up' (my words, unfortunately) on caffeine, and alcohol. Two very goddamn different things. But I pretty much said this in the reply to her comment, all appearing on that LiveJournal there. Two very different things, dammit. The two are barely even comparable.

But I'm not going to try to hide it. I have a caffeine problem. Well, you people would see it as a problem. I don't. Caffeine is the salvation of all nerds. Makes me more excitable. Plus, it cheers me up without such adverse affects as memory loss, and making fucked up decisions.

Maybe the two are somewhat similar. Maybe I'm a hypcrite. But who isn't, these days? Don't tell me I have a problem, if you do, you're very likely to get smacked in the head. Well, there's a pretty good chance that I'd do it anyway, but still. I'm a very bitter and angry person.

And, you know, people have to stop taking what I write in here so goddamn seriously. I never know what the hell I'm talking about. Well, unless I'm talking about video games. Then I'm pretty damn well informed. But still. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I'm ignorant, biased (Very, VERY biased), and I like to offend people. Honestly, you people shouldn't even give a damn what I think. My opinion doesn't matter to anybody, least of all to me. I write these posts not for you, not to spread whatever word I'm trying to preach here. I write these because I am a very lonely man, and I have nothing, I repeat: NOTHING(!!!) better to do. I do this so I can get stuff off my chest that's bothering me. I do this to relieve stress. I do this because it gives me something to do. This blog is partly what keeps me from going completely insane and killing a bunch of people. Granted, that's still quite possible, maybe even probable, but still. Nothing I say matters, be it here or in real life. My opinions, my ideas, anything I say is ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS. The sooner you people understand that, the better.

I'm going to keep stating my opinion on here, regardless of whom it pisses off. I'd rather not piss people off, but this is how I think. If you can't handle that, then don't. Simple as that. But whether or not I say this, whether or not you hear it, this is how my mind operates, this is what goes through my head. I don't have to be politically correct when I think, I don't have to be polite, I don't have to be nice. This is who I am. If you still insist on having a problem with it, then we must settle this in the most civlized way possible. Yes, that's right...Pistols at Dawn. Has to be dawn, for dramatic purposes. And pistols, 'cause they're the coolest guns ever. Well, 'cept maybe a shotgun. But pistols are more dramatic. Small, but deadly...Fuck yeah.

I wonder how many people even bother to read this trash anymore. Not many people bother to leave comments on anything I say, even when I specifically request them, so I'm not even sure anymore. Comments are always welcome on here. But it's best not to piss me off in them, or you might have a paragraph dedicated to you in the next entry.

My God. I just realized one of the most hated things about school, and it'll be back tomorrow. Those stupid bitches on the Bus. God, how I hate them. Stupid, loud, annoying, opinionated bitches. Thank God I have a new discman. Otherwise, I'd have to strangle the dumb bitches. So fucking loud...So many headaches...BAH! The worst part is that when you don't have a discman or anything, there's literally nothing you can do to ignore them. You can try to carry on conversations with other people. But you'll fail. Their high-pitched voices will be heard no matter what. Their shrill, annoying laugh can be heard even on the back of the bus. If I were to go insane and shoot a bunch of people, I'd be sure to get them early on.

Anyways. I don't want to go back to school. I was looking forward to it before, but now I just don't want to go. I don't want to see people. I don't want to continue my education. I want to stay here and sleep. *sigh* Well, I guess it's not all bad...I get to make more use of my discman as a device of actively ignoring people. Jared and I get to use those FRS radios...I'm just somewhat concerned that my girlfriend will still be pissed off at me. Okay, more than somewhat concerned. But I guess I'll see how it goes...I just worry too much about stuff like this.

Well, my day today was very uneventful, as usual. Went over to Rick's. Played video games. Came home. Dinner. Thought about the same things I think about every goddamn day. Vero, video games, Coke, and some generically depressing subjects. I need to burn a new CD. I'll probably make one over at Rick's within the next undetermined period of time to burn some stuff onto a CD. Maybe I could reburn my Rewritable CD. Only problem is, I don't know which one is the rewritable one...Feh. I want to get this Prodigy song on there...Voodoo People. It was in the movie Hackers. Damn fine movie. The voodoo, who do, what you don't dare to people. Not much in lyrics, but it's all crazy and techno and shit. Good stuff. Which reminds me, I need to download some DJ Tiesto.

Excellent.

Ha. I just got into an argument with somebody over which of us has the lowest self-esteem. Clearly, I am the victor. Although, I guess I'm not really the victor at all in that case, huh? Oh well. I'm resigned to my fate. I'm a failure, always have been, always will be. But I'm not here to tell you all about my low self-esteem, none of you give a damn about that.

I'm here to stir up contraversy. To piss people off. To fight 'the power'. Well, whatever I decide the power to be at that point in time.

Why does nothing seem real to me anymore? Why is it that it doesn't matter what the outcome is, what happens? In fact, why the fuck do we even bother with anything? Why do we scramble along with our lives, trying to accomplish things? When you look at the big picture, our lives our nothing. The most signficant thing that we could ever hope to accomplish is just a blip in a long series of events. So why, what is it that we're striving for?

I'm envious, to an extent, of people that have faith. They have something, they have a reason. What do I have? What do other people have? It just boggles the mind to think about this stuff. But I'm regressing into self-esteem issues again here.

What's the secret? What's the secret to being happy? If you're reading this, comment and tell me what makes you happy.

You know what interesting thought happened through my head recently? How is it that we can think, act, and have emotions, based on electrical impulses in the brain? How the HELL did that happen? And you religious people, shut up. I don't want to hear about how God made us to be like that, blah, blah, blah. I'm an Athiest. All hail Athiea, my lord and master! Okay, so I'm agnostic, not an athiest, I just said that to make a dumb joke. Shut up. But seriously. It boggles the mind to think that our thoughts, our feelings, the things that mean so much to us, are just electrical impulses across the brain. Craziness.

Until next time,
I am the master of the universe. Phj33r m3.
~Kataron

Voodoo People

Well, as it seems that everybody but my good buddy SlipperyChicken and I had a fun New Year's Eve. Damn, that's a lot of people I need to get petty revenge against.

I want to make some small children cry...Wouldn't that be amusing? They're so small and helpless, they've yet to learn the harsh reality of life.

"Hey, kid. You know how your parents say that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything? Yeah, that's a load of bullshit. You're going to be a failure and have a shitty future. Nobody will ever love you. You're going to get beaten up and stuffed into lockers at school, you won't have any friends. You will welcome the icy hand of death, and slit your wrists with razorblades. Oh, and your parents hate you. They're going to kill you while you sleep. Have a nice day, kid."

Then just walk away. Then, once you're at a safe distance, turn around and watch the waterworks. Ah, being evil never felt so good. It's best to crush their hopes early on. That way, they don't think they can make anything of themselves, and won't be disappointed when they fail. I figure it's for their own good. Plus, it's fun to watch them suffer. Have you ever noticed how amusing it is when other people suffer? I know I have! It's fuckin' awesome.

Well, that was odd. Some random person that was apparently on my list, though I have never talked to, signed on and asked me to have cyber sex with them. I told them I had a girlfriend, and they said 'oh' 'okay' 'ciao', and signed off. Odd, definately odd. Oh well...

Moving on. Well, technically going back to the first paragraph, but shut up. I need me some petty revenge, against everybody that had a better New Year's Eve than I did. Plus, I am a very, very bitter person. If you're another person out there, there's a 99.9999999% chance that I hate your guts :) And don't you forget it! There's also a good chance I'm plotting something very evil and painful against you. HAVE A NICE FUCKIN' DAY.

Huzzah! My friend has a date! I'm happy for him. Cool dude. This is Slippery I'm talking about. It's far too big a thing when a nerd gets a date. I still remember exactly how I asked Vero out, and the details of the party two nights before which gave me the courage to do it. I'll probably remember for quite a while, just because I'm that pathetic. Yep. But yay! It's great when friends get dates. *wipes away a tear* He's growing up so fast. Okay, so he's 20, but still.

Maaaaaaan. Now I can't stop thinking about Veronica. Not that that's a bad thing. Or...different from normal. But still. Do you think I'm obsessive? People call me obsessive. YOU FOOLS! YOU'LL RUE THE DAY YOU...DID WHATEVER IT IS YOU DID...TO...PISS ME OFF! Yeah, you heard me. Anyways, Veronica. I haven't seen her all Christmas break...Blast being busy, and her being busy! Makes me want to get revenge on somebody. Not her, of course. Couldn't do that. But somebody else...Ah, that reminds me! I need to dub somebody as King or Queen of the undead when school starts again. Then I make their life a living hell. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I need to start challenging people to duels and shit. How else will I level up?! How else will I learn new skills?! How else will I beat down those pussy n00bs?! THERE IS NO OTHER WAY! I MUST LEVEL! I MUST LEARN! I MUST OWN!

I'm -so- not crazy.

I fucking hate sleep. It's a waste of fucking time. If only there was a way to revilatize yourself. One day, man. ONE DAY.

Man...If I REALLY SNAPPED, I could go on such a great murderous rampage. I'd have to acquire guns, though. Preferable a pistol and a shotgun. I'd run around shooting people, then rant about gaining levels and shit. And laugh maniacally. Then, part-way through the laugh, I'd have to start crying. Then I'd turn the gun on myself. I mean...I haven't been putting too much thought into this...You're mad! MAD I SAY!

Here's a list of cool webcomics, in the order that they appear in the webcomic section of my favourites menu! ^_^

www.little-gamers.com
www.samandfuzzy.com
www.pvncomics.com
www.vgcats.com
www.ctrlaltdel-online.com
www.squidi.net
www.side-quest.com
www.pvponline.com
www.penny-arcade.com
www.nuklearpower.com
www.boredandevil.com
http://www.slackerscomic.com/destinydreamers/ (hasn't been updated in weeks...:( )
www.ghastlycomic.com (warning: Very sexual) (:D)
www.megatokyo.com
www.somethingpositive.net (haven't been here in ages, but it amused me for a time)
www.spellsandwhistles.net
www.fortunasaga.com
http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=1
http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/

I suggest you go to every single one of these, and memorize every comic there.

The ones I most refer are Penny Arcade, MegaTokyo, and Order of the Stick. Also, CtrlAltDel is VERY awesome.

Right...well, it's about midnight, so I suppose my rant is done for the night. But be warned. I'm probably going to kill you.

Until next time,
I'm a sex machine! But...A virgin....A Sex Machine In Training!
~Kataron (SMIT)